Page 75 of Faithless
“Stop, Torr.” I batted his arm away, taking several steps back to move around him. “You were in such a big fucking hurry to go, so let’sgo.”
“Not until you tell me what the fuck happened in there.” He grabbed my upper arm, spinning me to face him. His jaw and cheekbones cut harsh lines from the shadows, and my mind flashed back to when he lit my cigarette under the lamplight. “Why are you upset? Did he hurt you?”
“No! Jesus fucking Christ!” I pulled my arm free, swung it back, and stopped myself from using the momentum to punch him. That was not me. Torr was pissing me off beyond all belief, but he was not my enemy. “I blew him, okay?”
Torr froze. I wouldn’t have needed a punch to knock him over. My pinky finger would have done the job. “What?”
“I gave him a BJ. Went down on him. Sucked him off.” I waved my hands in front of me in a mockingta-damotion. “You’re gonna keep harassing me until I tell you, so there it is, Torr. It finally happened, are you happy? And I’m upset because he got his ass kicked for me. I actually fucking like him, and he’s gonna get tortured while we’re off taking who-knows-how-long to get enough muscle to torch this place.”
“Shit. Rori, I—” Torr raked a hand through his hair, looking more flustered and uncomfortable than I’d ever seen him in my life. He usually kept it all locked away in a safe, but right then, he seemed moments away from bursting.
“I’m sorry he went through that. Isgoingthrough that. I wasn’t going to ask you what you did with him. You’re right, it’s none of my business. I just…don’t like seeing you upset.”
“Huh.” I turned in the direction of my room so I could change clothes and pack. “That’s a first.”
“No, it’s not.”
The forcefulness in Torr’s tone made me stop in my tracks and look back at him, confused. “What?”
“I’ve always…cared about you, Rori. As more than a friend. More than my best friend’s sister.” His throat bobbed with the force of his swallow. And in the silence that followed, the noise of that swallow seemed to echo in the room.
“Wait…what?” My brain felt like it short-circuited. How long had I been fantasizing about hearing those exact words? That the gorgeous man who everyone wanted felt the same way about me as I did him? It had been so long and, since meeting Santos, I began to let go of that yearning for Torr. Now that he was telling me what I wanted, it was almost nonsensical.
He shifted uncomfortably and cleared his throat. “Look, I’m not good at this emotional stuff, but I’m trying.” He licked his lips and inhaled sharply as he looked down at his shoes. “It’s true. Like, the real reason I’ve never been able to commit to anyone is because…I always compare them to you.” He looked up, the vulnerability plain on his face. “I always wanted to spend my time with you because…you’ve always been there for me, and you’re just…perfect.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I understood that he was putting his heart out on the line, probably for the first time in his life, but I was still pissed. “You’re telling me you spent years chasing tail all over Four Corners because you didn’t have the balls to say, ‘Hey Rori, let’s go out on a fucking date’? Is that seriously what you’re saying right now?”
Torr’s mouth hardened. “I wasn’t the only one sleeping around, remember? What was I supposed to think when you’d drag two dudes off to a bedroom at a party, huh? You never did your little come-hither thing at me, so why would I try?”
“Don’t turn this around on me! I’m not responsible for what comes out of your mouth.” I stabbed my index finger at my own chest. “YouknewI wanted something real, something more than hooking up. You weretherewhen I cried about getting dumped. I told you about every single failed relationship and how much it hurt me that they never worked out. And here you are, going from woman to woman, making it very fucking clear that you want nothing lasting. So what wasIsupposed to think, Torr?”
He started shaking his head, looking away from me. “Forget I said anything.”
Oh, fuck that. “What? No,youopened this can of worms. Let’s talk about it.” I went around and planted myself in front of him.
“Rori, move,” Torr growled.
Oh, how the tables had turned.
“I’m not going anywhere.” I spread my feet wide, placing my hands on my hips.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Too bad.” I cocked my head at him. “We’ve known each other for thirteen years. You never hadoneopportunity to ask me out? Or just, like, kiss me? Just to see if maybe I felt the same way you did?”
“Nah.” He shook his head. “It wasn’t for lack of opportunity. I just knew it’d never work out.”
“Why not? You never even tried!”
He shrugged, the movement jerky and stiff. “Just wasn’t a risk I was willing to take.”
“I can’t fucking believe you, Torr.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Why are you like this?”
“Like what?”
“Just…so emotionally constipated!” My hands flew up in frustration. “Did it ever occur to you I might want you back? That if you had just been real with me, I would have said yes? I would have given us a chance, at least.”
“No.” He swallowed hard, shaking his head again. “No, I couldn’t have even asked you out. I was ready to go to the grave having never taken that chance with you.”
