Page 85 of Harmless
The thought came out of nowhere, and it took me a while to realize it didn’t originate from my own mind. Someone was speaking directly into my head, just as Astarte and Tezca did.
I raised my gun, sweeping it from right to left, but saw no movement. “Who’s there?” I demanded under my breath.
No answer came, and my gaze resettled on the man’s body hung between the two posts. It was completely unnerving how still he was. Not that I wanted him to pull a zombie act, but I was so accustomed to seeing fellow humans moving, even when they were still. You didn’t realize how much life moved you, even just the smallest rises and falls from breathing, a tiny twitch of the face or limbs, until that life was gone.
You don’t have to die.
I spun in a circle this time, eyes following the barrel of my gun, and again, saw no one. Not even Tezca guarding the house.
Despite my effort to be silent, my breaths grew louder as they left my chest, adrenaline flooding my system.
“Show yourself,” I whispered. “If you’re gonna talk to me, show your fucking face.”
I would. Unfortunately, I don’t yet have a face.
I spun again, my heart beating so wildly I was certain others could hear it. “What are you?”
Why don’t I show you, Aurora Wilder.
In the blink of an eye, it was no longer night, and I wasn’t in the compound anymore. I was…home?
The sun was bright but not blinding. Instead of the pre-dawn chill, the air felt pleasant and warm. I looked down and saw that I was lounging in a chair, an empty beer glass in my hand.
“Another, paloma?”
I looked up to see Santos, his smile full of love and warmth as he took the empty from me.
“Yes, please,” I heard my voice say to him. “But kiss me before you go.”
He leaned down and brushed his lips against mine. Something felt so off and strange, like I was watching this happen through someone else’s eyes. “I want you to rule me later,” he whispered. “After our daughters are in bed, I want you to use me hard.”
A thrilling rush filled me, both at his words and the anticipation of what we’d do later. But also…daughters? We had a family? What the hell was this?
Santos left and Torr moved a chair next to my legs. He sat down and promptly took my feet into his lap, where he started to massage my soles with his thumbs.
“I love you, Rori,” Torr said, his voice low and reverent. “I was a fool to not say those words sooner. I’ll spend the rest of my days telling you this, because you deserve nothing less. You’re the mother of my daughters and the love of my life.”
Elation, bright and warm as sunlight, filled my chest. It was everything I wanted to hear from Torr.
And yet…that off feeling persisted. Torr didn’t talk like that. Some alarm was going off within me, but it felt so far away.
Do not be alarmed. I am showing you what your life could be. Love and family. The most precious cornerstones of human existence, are they not?
“I still don’t know who or what you are.” My own voice felt far away, not part of this delusion or whatever playing out in my mind.
I can give you what you yearn for more than anything, Aurora Wilder. You feel the pull of me because I am so much greater than the crumbs of approval you seek from men.
“No…” My mind swam with the realization of what was speaking to me, the answer coming in jumbled pieces that were too unreal to believe.
You are a rare breed of leader, strong enough to hold sway over others but soft enough to embody that which makes you a woman.
“I’m not doing shit for you. Let me go. Get me out of this.” Torr was gone from my vision, or whatever it was, and the sunlight only grew more blinding.
You are on the wrong side of things, Aurora Wilder. Men are trying to rebuild what they had. They want the same systems in place that drove the Collapse in the first place, because all they care about is keeping their yoke of control over us.
“I’m not part of your ‘us’!” I cried. “I don’t murder. I don’t enslave. Fuck this insane cult!”
Do you know how gods are born, Aurora?Whatever was speaking didn’t wait for an answer.A collective of ideas. A human concept given life, given power. Your anger helped to create me, Aurora Wilder. As did your mother’s and your grandmother’s. I am the pain of all women who have been hurt by men.Youwilled me into existence, and I will not allow women to be victims any longer.
