Page 38 of Deathless
“I need you to take my gun.” My voice shook as I nodded at the weapon between us. “And...” I closed my eyes and forced the words out. “Shoot me. Shoot to kill.”
Hudson’s eyebrows slashed down with confusion. “Why the fuck would I do that? What are you setting me up for?”
“I’m sorry. Really, I’m so sorry to pin this on you. To put you in this situation.” I blinked back tears and sniffed. “But you have to. Please, Hudson.”
He just stood there, staring at me like I was speaking nonsense.
“Please just get it over with,” I whimpered, letting the tears fall. “Before I have too much time to think about it and back out.”
He didn’t move a muscle. “Why do you want to die?”
“I don’twantto, Ihaveto,” I sobbed. “Or it’s gonna use me to destroy everything.”
“What is?”
“Their goddess. The Dark Mother.” I was full-on crying now, so afraid that I didn’t care what I revealed. “Their deity is...inside me. She’s trying to possess me, and I can’t let her, Hudson.”
12
HUDSON
Holy shit, was she really asking me to do this? To finish what I intended to do the first time I saw her?
I looked at the weapon she put in front of me, then slowly picked it up. The gun fit comfortably in my hand, the weight of it dense and satisfying. With the grip nestled into my palm, I let the barrel rest on the fingers of my opposite hand.
Guns used to excite me. I’d nerd out about the mechanics and specs of various models. It wasn’t even so much about the power or damage potential for me, but how the weapon was built. What kind of recoil did it have? What made one weapon feel like an extension of my arm while another felt clunky and awkward?
This one, Rori’s, was nice. I knew immediately I’d be comfortable shooting it. My aim would be accurate. But as I held that weapon in my hands, there was none of that excitement from years ago. It was just a tool, a means of causing irrevocable harm. Harm I had no desire to do, but that was exactly what she was asking of me.
I didn’t know how much time had passed before I looked up at Rori again. She stood there, waiting, shaking like a leaf and with tears streaming down her face.
“Please.” She hugged around herself and took a shaky breath. “I can’t let her control me. She’ll use me to hurt Santos and Torr, all of you. Please, Hudson. I can’t ask anyone else.”
“What’s to stop her from taking over someone else?” I struggled for a moment to recall the names of the other women. “Your cousin, Valorie. Or the Hunter’s woman. If you’re gone, wouldn’t she just take over one of them?”
“I don’t know, maybe. But doing this might buy us some time. Kill me, and then warn the others. Tell them what you did and why.”
“Are you fucking mental?” I hissed. “They’ll killmeas soon as they know what I’ve done! Did you think this through at all?”
A sob choked out of her as she wiped tears from her face. “I don’t know what else to do!”
Her display of emotions was so jarring and strange to me. Everyone talked about how tough this woman was, that she was a natural born leader and nothing could faze her. I found that hard to reconcile with the terrified woman standing in front of me, pleading with me to murder her.
I felt...bad.
No, bad was too bland of a word. I felt terrible for her, and that in itself was one hell of a shock to my system. I was feeling sympathetic. Toward awoman.
I hated that she felt this was the only way forward, a premature end to her life that was so full of promise. I hated that she was scared. Scared of death, scared of hurting the ones she loved, scared of losing the life she would never have.
And I hated that she’d come to me for this. Because I was the woman-hater who had tried to kill her before. I hated that she saw me that way. I was...ashamed of it. I didn’t know when the change in me had occurred, but I didn’t want to kill her. I didn’t want to use this gun, and I didn’t want to see her cry.
So I pressed the magazine release on the gun and caught the slide as it fell out. Then I set the two pieces on the porch railing and stepped away from them.
“I’m not going to shoot you.”
Rori let out a noise of despair, rubbing her eyes angrily. “Youhaveto! Think of what she’ll make me do to you. You don’t deserve that, Hudson!”
Images of my past captivity flashed through my brain for a moment before I shoved them away. Malik taught me some refocusing techniques today, and I was already finding them useful.
