Page 5 of Deathless
Hudson shook his head. “I don’t know how, man. I know I sound like broken record, but how can you believe a fucking word she says?”
“Because that’s not the kind of person she is.” Obviously I wasn’t Rori’s biggest fan, but I was astounded at how much defending of her I had to do with him. “She’s not the same people who put us, putyou,through all that shit. She led the charge to get you out. She changed up her original plans to makeyourrescue the number one priority. And…” I hesitated but decided to go through with that thought. “Santos loves her. Like, deeply loves her.”
Hudson gave that a dismissive scoff. “He loves any woman who looks his way.”
“Have you lived with him for the past four years? I didn’t think so.” I crossed my arms. “Maybe in the early days he was a sucker for some female attention, but this life has sucked the soul out of him too. The only difference between him and us is that he still had enough soul left to find happiness when he got out.”
I used to be just as dismissive as Hudson when Santos and I were gladiators. His eternal optimism had been so annoyingly naive. Every day, we saw people slaughtered, and Santos refused to believe that would ever be him. He’d escape one day, find a way to make a living, find a woman who loved him, raise a family, grow old together, blah blah blah. I’d made myself blue in the face telling him to snap out of it and face reality—we were gonna die on the sands just like the rest of the faceless, nameless gladiators.
But that didn’t happen. And I got up this morning to see him coming down the stairs with an easy smile on his face, hands around the waist of the woman he’d woken up next to. He’d really fucking done it.
Back at Mystic Canyon, I’d joked about being envious of Santos’ head-in-the-clouds pipe dreams. Now, I was dumbfounded that he’d actually made it happen.
“Well, good for him.” Hudson’s tone dripped with sarcasm. “At least one of us still remembers what happiness feels like.”
“I dunno, man.” I ran a hand back through my hair and noticed Hudson following the movement. “There may be hope for us yet. We’re out of that hellscape. The world is our lobster or however the fuck that saying goes.”
“Oyster.”
“Yeah, that’s the one.”
Hudson laughed, and this time, there was a touch more humor to the sound. The slightest pull of a smile at his lips. “I feel like getting past this shit would be so much easier if I wasn’t attracted to women, you know?”
My throat tightened again while I attempted to keep my focus on Hudson’s face, not the tattooed, lean body that had started to fill out ever since he’d started getting balanced meals every day. But shit, he had a heartbreaker’s face too. Baby blue eyes. Brown hair with a tint of red.
Don’t say it,I told myself.Don’t even think about asking the question.
But what if you could help him…in another way?asked another voice.
In the end, the weaker side of me won.
“Well, have you ever considered…guys?”
Hudson didn’t bat an eye, didn’t even seem to notice my internal debate. “Sure, why not? I mean, if I could get this issue,” he gestured at his crotch, “resolved without ever having to touch a woman again? Sign me the fuck up.” He touched his mouth, eyes focusing somewhere else as gave it some more thought. “If I could ever, you know, learn to enjoy the act again, that wouldjust be a bonus.” His gaze fell on me again, eyes narrowing skeptically. “Why, you know anyone?”
Oh, fuck me. Why did I crack open Pandora’s box if I thought even for a moment it would lead to this?
Because you want it, that weak, treacherous side of me said.Because your dirty little secret is twofold: your savior complex and your jealousy over Santos having someone when you don’t.
All terrible, selfish reasons that I was fully aware of. But if I really, genuinely, could help Hudson in this way, wouldn’t the good outweigh the bad?
“I know, uh.” I cleared my throat and tried again. “I mean, well, there’s me.”
The guy’s chin lowered, his eyebrows going up. “You?”
“Yeah. I mean, I’m the only bi dude I know of around here. But if it’s awkward or I’m not your type or whatever, it’s cool.” And that was how I learned Pandora’s box was actually a hole, and I just kept digging myself deeper.
“No, Dev. It’s not that. I’m just surprised.” Hudson rubbed his lower lip with his thumb, his gaze intense. “Although, I guess I shouldn’t be.”
“Why do you say that?”
“No reason. It’s just…” He stroked his chin. He’d been letting his facial hair grow and it was coming in dense and full. “Whenever I thought back to that time, when it was the three of us, I always thought of you more than Santos.”
I swallowed. “You did?”
“Yeah. I just clicked with you more, I guess.”
“Look, man.” I brought my palms up, eager to backtrack. “Something like this can get messy, so—”
