Page 53 of Deathless
Although she was a smartass when she spoke, Astarte was a quiet passenger for most of the ride. I got the sense that she was thinking hard about what was to come.
“Do you know what’s going to happen?” The rushing wind over me and the motorcycle stole the volume of my voice, but I didn’t need to be loud for her to hear me. “Like, can you see the future?”
The future doesn’t exist for me. Neither does the past. Time is...well, it’s not something that applies to me.
“But do you know?” I pressed. “What will happen when we get there?” It was the best way I could ask if we had a snowball’s chance of getting Rori back without losing my shit.
I can see several outcomes. The end result will depend on the choices you make.
“Helpful as always.”
You are welcome to fight this other deity yourself.
“No need to get sassy.”
Astarte actually didn’t reply with a cutting remark to that, keeping silent instead. Could gods be nervous? Because that was the sense I got.
“So you’ve seen all of human history, pretty much?” I wasn’t sure why I felt so chatty, but what other time would I be able to ask questions like this?
Not all, but a sizable portion of it. I’ve seen genocides, wars, and the rise and fall of many civilizations.
“What’s your favorite thing about humanity?”
An odd sensation tickled my nervous system, and I got the sense that Astarte was laughing.
What are we, on a first date?
“I’m just curious.” Could gods even have favorites?
Your tenacity is astounding, she said after a while.It’s almost paradoxical, your ability to carry on and adapt. You keep surviving but pass on your trauma and coping mechanisms to your children, whether or not you realize it. It’s fascinating how the youngest generations carry the wounds of several generations past.
“By fascinating, do you mean sad?”
Sometimes it’s sad. But also fascinating.
“Do you know about my birth parents?”
For years, I’d convinced myself I didn’t care about them. They left me, so why should I care? I’d just lift to get strong as hell, sleep around, and keep my heart out of anyone’s reach. No one could hurt me because I was emotionally untouchable.
But ever since Mystic Canyon, when Rori and I broke down our long-standing walls, I started to figure out that Ididcare. I wanted to know why. Why did they leave? Why didn’t they want to keep me? All my life it had been eating at me and I shoved it down, pretending like it didn’t affect me. But everything I did,pushing my body to the extreme and never letting anyone get too close, was a direct result of that hurt.
I see them, yes.Astarte’s tone was low, almost mournful.
“See them?” I repeated. “They’re still alive?”
You can’t afford to be distracted, Torrance,she chided me. Then more gently, Your past isn’t going anywhere. You can meet it when you’re ready. But if you want Rori in your future, you need to focus.
A future with Rori was all I wanted. I still needed to man up and tell her I loved her.
Don’t fight me during the moments I must control you,Astarte added.Trust that I will not harm you as my vessel.
“And Rori?” I asked.
The deity was silent for a while.I will do my best.
Dawn approachedwhen we entered the valley where the safe houses were hidden. I didn’t know exactly where to go, but Astarte guided me. Not like she was giving me directions but gently steering my body and therefore bike in the right direction.
I brought the bike to a stop at the first checkpoint on the road leading up to the houses. The little guard station was now empty, but it seemed as good a place as any for a final pep talk.
