Page 6 of Deathless
“How do you mean?” he challenged. “Other people in this house are fucking, aren’t they?”
“Sure, but—”
“You don’t have to treat me like I’m made of tissue paper, Dev.” His expression hardened. “In fact, I’d really prefer it if you didn’t.”
“Okay.” I lowered my hands. “How do you want me to treat you then?”
One shoulder went up in a lazy shrug. “I dunno. Like anyone else you’d hook up with.”
“Alright. Well it turns out everyone is different. You have to tell me what you expect, what your limits are.”
He started to roll his eyes. “Come on—”
“No, this is how it’s gonna be.” I straightened my spine, firming up my stance. “You have to use your words and tell me what you want and don’t want, or this doesn’t happen.”
“Way to make it fucking awkward,” he groaned.
“This is how people make it enjoyable for each other. You discuss this shit.”
“Doesn’t make it any less weird.”
I shoved my hair back and sighed. “Okay, I want you to ask yourself a question. Repeat this in your head: ‘Do I trust Devin?’ If the answer is no, that’s fine, but if that’s the case, I’m definitelynotfucking you.”
“I do trust you.” Hudson’s throat bobbed, and he said more quietly, “You’re the one I trust here the most.”
“Okay. Then be a little awkward and communicate with me. It’s hard to be vulnerable dude, I know. But I’ll never ridicule you for what you’ve been through. And anything you share with me stays between us.”
For some reason, an image of Rori popped into my head, shrewd green eyes missing nothing. I shoved her away just as quickly as she came.
Hudson remained silent for a long time until he said, “I don’t want you on top of me.”
“Okay, that’s good. What else?”
“I don’t…I…” The poor guy clammed up, harsh breaths rushing in and out of his nose.
“Hey, it’s okay.” I took a chance moving in closer, standing next to him at the counter. “We can start there, or even ten steps before that. You’re in control here.”
“That’s all I really want,” he admitted. “To be in control of what happens to me. And not just there for someone else to…”
“Good. I’m glad you told me that.” I knew, even when I thought this would be a far-off fantasy, that I would have to tread carefully with Hudson. To not only show him what pleasure was again, but to make him feel confident and safe. My goddamn savior complex was riding high, and I was too much of a sucker to do the hard thing and think about long-term consequences.
“Can I take your hand?” I asked.
Hudson looked surprised, like he thought I’d want to touch something a lot more X-rated, but then nodded.
I went for his closest palm, then took several steps back to gently pull him out of the bathroom. Hudson followed, cautious but curious. His eyes flicked to his bed when he realized I was heading that way. Just like throughout our entire conversation in the bathroom, I made every effort to focus on his face and not what was happening in his pants.
Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, I released his hand so I could scoot all the way up the mattress until I was reclined in the middle. Once there, I freed my trapped hair and relaxed with my palms behind my head.
“What are you doing?” Hudson asked in a rough voice.
“Nothing.” I tilted my head to meet his eye. “But you can do whatever you like.”
“What?”
“Get on top. Use your hands, mouth, whatever you want. Or just sit back and look at me.” Only then did I allow myselfto drink him in. The handsome face, the tattoos subtly moving with every breath, the slender hips that the oversized sweatpants could barely hang onto.
“Take control, Hudson,” I told him. “Do what will makeyoufeel good.”
