Page 57 of Little Paper Games
“Read for yourself,” I snarked, tossing the little paper in his lap as I walked by on my way back to the sofa. I watched as his eyes widened as he read the paper.
“Kenna, today is not the day for that,” he protested. He was protesting? Seriously?
“It’s your pick, Jude. Why are you saying no?” I tossed back.
“Because it’s just not the day for it. If you want to have sex, I’m all for it, but I don’t want to do this,” he said, waving the paper in the air, “while you are in this mood.”
“This mood? This mood!?” I fought back, standing again with my hands on my hips.
“Exactly. This right here,” he gestured to my stance.
“Why not? Isn’t that the point? To make it hurt? Anal sex, all the rage for men and nothing but pain for women,” I spat, my words venomous.
“What is going on with you? I thought we were having a nice morning.” His voice was gentle and concerned. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want… I didn’t want this.
“Forget it,” I sighed, stalking my way to the adjoining door, and slamming the door shut behind me. I locked each and every lock and didn’t look back.
I made it to the stairs before his knocking sounded. I ignored it.
I made it to my bedroom by the time his shouts filtered into my home.
I made it to my bed by the time my phone started buzzing with his call.
I ignored it all.
This wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want to be friends with Jude. I couldn’t be friends with him. Not now, not ever. He had made that clear a long time ago. Well, he and his gang of friends had. Sure, years had passed since that day, but it lived fresh in my mind. The day that I knew I would hate Jude for the rest of my life. A few good sessions of fucking and some forced proximity didn’t change that. Forced proximity. That’s what it was. I was just feeling that pull because I hadn’t been around another human in months.
I picked up my phone, ignoring another of Jude’s incoming calls and quickly found Janie in my list of favorite contacts. Janie was exactly who I needed to talk to right now.
“Thank you for calling Dil-Hos, home of the most succulent Ho’s, all who love monster Dildos. How may I help you?” Janie answered.
“Seriously, how do you come up with that shit on the fly?” I rolled my eyes, sighing heavily.
“First of all, because I’m nothing short of a goddess in all ways, all days. Second, what’s up my little meadowlark? That sigh spoke volumes. Tell Mama Janie everything.” My voice choked on a sob at her words.
“Wait, Kenna, are you okay? Seriously?” The bombastic tone was gone and the Janie I knew and loved was there, ready to help. I didn’t even know why I was crying.
“It’s just…” I trailed off, trying to find words for something I just couldn’t seem to express. “I wish you were here.”
“I do, too, honey. What’s going on? This isn’t like you.”
She was right. It wasn’t like me. None of this was like me. I opened up and told her about my dad. She understood more than just about anyone in this world, and yet, somehow the way Jude held me that day; the way he helped distract me. The way he had laid there in that bed with me for hours. Not sleeping, just being together. All of that was what I wanted.
“Ugh, I just hate this,” I scoffed after unloading the burden of my father’s illness on her. I felt more than a little guilty, because she had just lost a family member to this stupid ass virus.
“This virus is no joke, Kenna. I know,” she agreed with her own heavy sigh.
“It’s not even that though!” I slapped my palm down on my thigh, frustrated.
“What is it then? Something is tearing you up and you’ve got to talk about it.”
“Jude Lincoln.” My voice was barely a whisper.
“Jude Lincoln. As in, fucking Jude Lincoln?” she asked. I could hear the questions in her voice, yet unspoken.
“As infuckingJude Lincoln,” I agreed with a bit of a whine. I could feel the tears stinging at the corner of my eyes. I gritted my teeth against the oncoming tears.
“As in you fucking Jude Lincoln?” she asked. Her voice was devoid of almost any emotion other than curiosity.
