Page 62 of Little Paper Games
“No, no. He’s just the reason I bought it. I found it and it reminded me of that vacation in Hawaii. Do you remember it?” I thought back, remembering the trip far too well. It was the first time I’d really seen Kenna as anything other than a pain in the ass. As awful as it was to say, seeing her on the beach in that emerald green bikini made me stand up and take notice.
“I do.” I answered, keeping the rest of the memory to myself.
“Do you remember that awful shirt my dad wore, like, four separate times? It was his favorite, and it was god awful!” she laughed.
“Oh, yeah! Holy crap, that sofa looks like that shirt!” I exclaimed, realization dawning. Wow, she had bought a couch because it reminded her of that memory with her father. That was… weird, and oddly, adorable.
“That’s quite the tale,” I chuckled, finding myself lost in my own thoughts.
We spent the better part of the day and the whole night laying there in my bed, eating delicious pizza and crab Rangoon and talking about anything and everything. I learned that she had studied French for the last six years. She’d kept up with it because it had ended up being a relaxing thing for her. She enjoyed the way the words flowed. When she started speaking in French, I could have lost myself in the sound.
I let her talk until well past midnight, when we both fell asleep, curled up together, not alone for just a little while, in the face of unbearable pain. I just hoped that tomorrow would be a better day. Something told me my hopes were in vain.
Chapter 19
KENNA
Ipaced around my living room back and forth, likely making a mark in the carpet, I’d been doing it for so long. Last night…
I didn’t have words for yesterday in general. The news of my dad had shocked me to my core. I still didn’t feel okay, exactly. I don’t think I would feel okay for quite some time, truth be told. I had needed Jude yesterday. I had needed touch, to have someone near, to just be there in my presence. Someone to tell me it was okay to break. I was just borderline infuriated that it had to be Jude. Of course, it did. It almost made my skin crawl. This wasn’t how things were supposed to happen.
No, this little game was supposed to be a way for me to use him, just like…
“Ugh, I can’t do this,” I spoke aloud to a completely empty room. I pulled my phone from my back pocket and hit the button on Janie’s contact.
“Kenna, how are you doing? I got your text and texted back, but I haven’t heard from you since yesterday! Girl, I was about to call your mama and you know that’s a no go for me usually. What’s happening? What do we know? Have you heard anything?” Janie rattled off in rapid fire fashion until she was out of breath.
“Well, if you ever stopped to even breath, maybe I could get a word in edgewise and actually answer your questions,” I teased. Janie was a character all her own.
“The easy answer is that we know nothing new at this point. Dad is still on the ventilator and the doctors are still saying that he will probably not survive.” Just talking about it made me feel exhausted. I was all cried out after yesterday.
“Are you okay? Of course not, Jesus, I’m an ass. What can I do? How can I support you?” Janie’s sincerity was comforting, but it wasn’t what I wanted from her right now. Not for that, at least.
“I’m so agitated, Janie,” I literally whined. Like a petulant child. “I broke down yesterday. Like, non-verbal staring at the wall and then crying for hours kind of broke down.”
“Of course, you did, sweetie! That’s normal! You are dealing with so much right now,” she comforted.
“Jude was there for me. All day,” I barely whispered.
“Jude was? How so?” she asked, clearly intrigued.
“He picked me up when I couldn’t even speak. He put me in a giant bath, with a bath bomb! He bathed me and took care of me. We spent all day just lying in his bed. Either crying, or sleeping, or talking, or eating. I…” I trailed off, sighing at my lack of words. I didn’t know how to explain how I was feeling.
“He cared for you, and what? Now you’re thinking you care for him?” Janie offered.
“I can’t care for him, Janie, you know that,” I protested.
“I actually don’t. Kenna, listen. I know what happened in high school was hard. You know I stand beside you. But have you ever actually talked to Jude about it?” Janie pushed.
“No, and I don’t plan to. There’s no point,” I pushed back, crossing my arms.
“All I’m saying is that if Jude is being kind to you, if he’s taking care of you, maybe lean into it a little and see what happens?” Janie tried again.
“No. That’s not possible. I can’t forgive what he did,” I spoke quietly.
“You mean what his friends did. He wasn’t there that night, Kenna. Maybe you should talk to him about it.” Janie may have been a teensy tiny bit right, but I honestly didn’t care. All I knew was that I couldn’t go there.
“Janie, you and I both know that Jude was involved that day. There is no way I can —” my words cut off abruptly at the thought that entered my head.
