Page 106 of Leviticus
“I just told you no. That isn’t how this works.” I could see the way his eyes narrowed, his control flexing.
“I don’t care.” My hands fisted at my sides, my mind refusing to let me focus on the mess all over the floor. I didn’t want to think about it.
“Ruth, let’s get this kitchen cleaned up and then we can —”
“No!” I shouted, literally stamping my foot in frustration.
“Excuse me?” He spoke his words slowly. He may have been shocked at my outburst, but his face remained calm and cool; the Dominant inside him taking over. Good. That was what I wanted. Exactly what I wanted.
“You heard me, Levi. Give. Me. An. Order.” I was trembling, feeling like everything was cracking around me, threatening to crumble and fall apart at the slightest breath of wind.
“Hear me clearly, Ruth,” his words were pushed out through clenched teeth, though I sensed no anger from him. Only rigid and firm truth. “I will not give you an order right now. That is not how this works. You don’t get to just snap your fingers and make me be in charge. Now, let’s get the kitchen cleaned up and we can talk about what’s going on.”
I don’t know what had taken possession of my body, but whatever it was pushed me and pressured me to fight.
“Well, maybe I don’t want to clean up this mess. Did you ever consider that?” I crossed my arms over my chest. I was being a brat and I didn’t like it. But I didn’t know how to explain it to him. I needed him to take it all away. Just like he had that night in front of the fire place.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you, but if you will just calm down and talk to me —” he sighed, but I wasn’t ready to hear him. Not unless he was going to let me go into the submissive mode I craved.
“This whole thing is a mess. Everything is a mess!” I basically wailed, throwing my hands in the air. “And all I want is for you to take control, just like you did that night by your chair. Why is this any different?!” I demanded, frustrated.
“Okay, I think I get where you are coming from, but Ruth, that can’t be how this works. You can’t snap your fingers and demand that I go into Dom mode at the drop of a hat just because it’s what you want. We aren’t in Dom and sub mode all the time,” he explained, pulling me over away from the kitchen mess and towards the dining room table where we sat down together.
“But what if I want you to be in charge all the time?” I whined, my hands collapsing into my lap with a thud of hopelessness. I felt hopeless. I felt like I couldn’t figure out what to do.
The silence that followed was too loud for me. I didn’t want silence.
“Why?” He finally asked, his tone completely changed from his earlier frustration. I looked up and saw the contemplative look on his face.
“Why what?” I moped, kicking the toe of my shoe against the floor.
“Why do you want me in charge all of the time?” He seemed to be thinking about his words carefully.
“Because—” I cut off, stopping to sigh and think about my own words. “I guess because I get it now. I get it more than I ever thought I did before. I get that we are Ruth and Levi in this home, not just Mr. and Mrs. Temple. Perfect soon to be church Elder following in their parents’ footsteps. I get the plan that you and your brothers have put into action. I get how utterly messed up this entire place is.” I paused for a breath, working to keep my emotions in check, at least better than I had when he had arrived home.
“But with all of that said, I also get that we are Sir and, well, whatever I am.”
“Beloved,” he whispered.
“What?” I questioned in surprise, my eyes searching his. His hand covered mine has he repeated himself.
“Beloved. We are also Sir and Beloved. If you are okay with name.” The smile on his face was hesitant, hopeful.
“I honestly thought it would just be Lovely. You always call me Lovely,” I murmured with a smile of my own.
“I know. I toyed around with that idea. But you are so much more than that, Ruth. You are my Beloved. Tell me more of what you want. I am here, and I am listening to you, implicitly,” he urged.
“I think that, for me, I need Sir to be a more regular part of my life. You’re right. I don’t think I would be okay with it all the time. It’s too much like life in Zion. I like the freedom I have found since we were married. I like being sassy sometimes, too,” I admitted with a blush and a shrug.
“Oh, I pray you never lose that fire, Ruth,” he teased back with a smirk of his own.
“But, truthfully, I want more. I think that for me, I need you to be Sir more often, to be in charge of more. I feel like I am a new woman; a woman I didn’t know existed before we were together. I am able to be myself, truly myself, in this home, with you. But I need help with this. I need Sir to calm me when I am stressed. I need Sir to show me how to be calm. For whatever reason, the thought of being calmforSir puts a completely different mindset to it. I don’t think I’m making any sense,” I sighed heavily. “I need — Well, you know what I mean, right?” I all but begged him to understand what I was trying to say.
“I think I do understand what you are saying, Ruth, but I need you to say it. I need you to ask for everything you want right now,” he told me kindly, squeezing my hand in his. “I need to hear the words.”
I squared my shoulders, ready to speak the truth that I felt deep inside of me.
“Levi, I am ready for more with you. The things you described to me in the beginning, how you explained a life could be with a Dominant and a submissive. I want that. I want it all. I want to do our final negotiations and be your submissive in every way that works for both of us. I want this dynamic to be permanent. I need you, Sir. Just as I need Levi. Because –” My words faltered. I felt shy, but more confident than I ever had before, all at the same time.
