Page 52 of Bartholomew
“Delilah, can we please step outside and talk for just a moment?” speaking gently, wanting to reason with her. “I’d rather not speak about this in present company.” I leveled my eyes at her as kindly as I could, but I still wanted her to understand me. I needed to talk to her in private. That’s how this whole thing should have happened in the first place.
After a moment, she nodded. Turning on her heel, she walked back out of the room.
“Stay, please. Just give me a few minutes to talk to her,” I explained to my brother. Fucking Levi just had to come over and spill this mess today. Levi nodded, and I made my way out of the room, following my wife.
I followed her down the hall and into our bedroom, the smell of her soap still lingering on the air from her shower.
“Delilah, let me explain,” I began, shutting the door behind us.
“I don’t know if I want to hear it,” she muttered, standing there with her arms crossed. “You are leaving?” she finally stated after a momentary pause. The pain laced in her voice caused me physical anguish. It made my heart want to break, and I didn’t have the ability to process why that was. Not right now.
“Yes,” I replied without thinking. That pain now etched over her face. “Well, no. Not yet. But yes. But, Jesus, Delilah. It’s complicated.”
For a man who prided myself on my way with words, they sure had one hell of a time to decide to vacate my fucking brain.
“Well, maybe you should uncomplicate it then,” she spoke with a vehemence that surprised me.
“I’ve never seen you angry,” I murmured, words just flying past my lips like they owned my fucking face.
“I know,” she sighed with exasperation, her hands threading through her hair. “I know I’m supposed to be a mild-mannered wife who stays silent and invisible, but mercy, Ollie! How am I supposed to understand such a revelation?”
“I know. And Delilah, I don’t want you to be those things. You should be real. I want your anger just as much as I want your smiles. I just want you,” I pleaded with her. She sighed heavily, pressing her fingertips to the center of her brows.
“You want me to un-complicate it, Delilah? You want me to be real? To show you that’s what I want from you?” The words rushed from me, and I threw caution to the wind. “Fine. My brothers and I have a plan to leave Zion and never look back. We want to be as far away from this place as possible. To finally have the ability, and the freedom, to live full and happy lives.”
The truth sat between us like a fucking rock. Just sitting there. Awkwardly. She just looked at me.
“Delilah?” I questioned as the silence stretched on. Silence like that, the awkward kind, made me feel antsy, uncomfortable.
“I’m thinking.” Her statement brooked no argument. I wanted to talk this out. I wanted to go back to an hour ago. Before chaos blew up in my home, our home.
“Okay,” I muttered, feeling small and unsure of how to handle the situation. I rocked back and forth on my heels, my hands stuck in my pockets to stop myself from fidgeting; to stop myself from reaching for her and just making this whole mess disappear. At least for a while.
“Why?” The word was more of a statement than a question. There was no beating around the bush. No talking around the issue. She deserved the same in return. Cut and dry, it was.
“My brothers and I believe that the way things are handled, the way things are in general, in Zion is nothing more than toxic bullshit. It’s meant to keep people obedient and quiet for the betterment of the top standing men in the community. We don’t want to be a part of it. We want to be free to live how we want to live. With who we want to live. To find true happiness out in the real world without fear of repercussions from the men like our fathers and Reverend Jacob.” My words came fast, true, and with no hesitation. It was the truth. She deserved the truth.
“What about your family?” she asked quietly. She wasn’t looking at the floor, but neither would she look at me
“My brothers and I would still be close. I’m not sure that could change, even if we wanted it to. We’ve been through too much together to not be a part of each other’s lives. As for our parents? This may sound harsh, but we are okay leaving them behind. This is not a life that any of us wants. It’s not a life I want.” I watched her face as I spoke the harsh words. I didn’t want to cause her any hurt, but she deserved the truth.
I had listened when Levi had fretted over whether to tell Ruth. In the end, he had gotten to know her and had come clean about everything. It had been a life-changing thing for him. And look at the two of them now! I had hopes that we could have the same bright future as my brother did.
“But they are your parents.” I could see the questioning in her eyes, even when they were fixated on the window and not me.
“They are my parents, who have chosen to live a life where status in the four walls of a church is a priority over the wellness of humankind. Choosing to put people down and cast judgment, instead of seeing this world for the love and happiness that it possesses. They choose to envision a God who lives up in the sky on some throne, casting judgment on us poor mortals instead of the possibility that God exists in the world's beauty He created, in the love that is created between his people. My parents… Delilah, don’t get me wrong, I love my parents. But they are not kind people. I’ve found that very few in Zion are.” The truth kept tumbling from my lips like rocks in an avalanche. I shuddered, worrying about the destruction that might be caused at the bottom of this endeavor.
Silence went on again as she digested my words.
“Please say something,” I pleaded. “The silence is worse than any angry words you could throw at my face right now.”
“You’d leave me.”
It was a statement. Not a question. I took my previous words back. This, her pain, was far worse than the silence.
“Oh, firefly, no,” I began, but she lifted her hand in the air, halting my words. Her eyes found mine, the pain written in their depths as vibrantly as the cerulean blue color.
“Don’t call me that,” she almost whimpered. “You would. You’re planning to. That’s what you and your brother just discussed. I heard you.”
