Page 20 of Ezekiel
“You went through it too, Zeke. It wasn’t just me. We both did. I just don’t understand why my mother never warned me about it.” She seemed to direct the thought more to herself than to me.
“I did, and it was as awful for me as it was for you. Speaking of your mother, what kind of relationship do you have with your mother? Is that something she would have told you? I’ll be honest, I only knew it was coming because Levi and Ollie told me,” I admitted. “Our parents told us nothing.”
“That seems to be a trend in Zion,” she laughed half-heartedly.
“I don’t know why they didn’t actually match us based on, well, us. But I think that just means we need to spend this time getting to know each other for who we are. As we truly are. What do you think?”
“I think I would like that very much,” she admitted with the softest hint of a blush tinging her cheeks. “Now, you’ve answered my questions, for now. What is it you need to come clean about?”
Well, fuck. Here it is.I took a deep breath, steadying myself for what was about to come out of my mouth.
“There is something about me I want you to know. It has a little to do with why I did not come to our bed last night. Not a large part, but some part. And I want to come into the marriage honestly,” I began, feeling my palms grow clammy with sweat.
“I’m all ears,” she said with a smile, bolstering what little courage I had.
“Okay. Here goes nothing. I am a Dominant.”
I looked at her, looking at me and waiting with anticipation. Okay, so perhaps one word was not enough. Obviously.
“I am a part of a community of people who participate in kink. BDSM.” There, a little bit more. Maybe that was enough? Why was this so difficult?
“What is kink and BDSM?” she asked, her eyes wide and innocent.
“I am a part of a local sex dungeon where like-minded people gather to learn, develop friendships, and engage in kink and fetish play, usually of the sexual nature.” Her eyes went wide, and she blinked rapidly. There it was.
“Sexual fetishes? Kink? Are you talking about sadism?” she asked, shocked and somewhat appalled.
Okay, backpedal, backpedal, backpedal.
“Yes, and no. Sadism is one part of it, but not the sadism you’re thinking of.” I rushed the words out quickly, hoping to ease the obvious concern rising in her eyes.
“So not the sexual play where men feast on women, causing them pain?”
“Well….” I winced.
“Merciful Lord, are you a follower of Satan, Ezekiel Temple? Do you have the devil inside of you?!” She leapt from the bed, pacing the floor as her eyes darted around the room in fear.
“Talia, please calm down. I’m not a follower of Satan. I do not harm women, or anyone else,” I urged, holding my hands up to her.
“Then how are you a sadist?” she asked, nearly shrieking in her reaction.
“I don’t personally identify as a sadist. I’m a Dominant. There is a difference. A difference that I would love to tell you about, if you would take a breath, calm down, and sit back down next to me. I promise you, I am no threat to you,” I promised. She eyed me somewhat warily before sitting down. Still, her foot ticked out a rhythm showing just how riled up she was.
“Okay,” she said after taking two slow, deep breaths. “I’m listening. And trying not to judge, but you have to understand, the words coming out of your mouth are a little crazy.”
“I get that. Truly, I do,” I agreed with her. I held my hand out for her to hold once more, but she denied it.Great going, Zeke. Brilliant plan.“The kink community is built on the foundation of safety, communication, acceptance, and trust. It’s a place where I found myself. A place that I can be truly myself, where I don’t have to hide. And to be clear, I do not enjoy harming anyone. I never would. I have been on the receiving end of that and I would never in a million years inflict such a thing on another soul.”
“What does that mean?” she asked, an eyebrow raised in question. “On the receiving end?”
“It means that when I first learned of the community, I didn’t listen to the people who introduced me to it. I did at first, of course, but then I got cocky. I had found a place where people accepted me, where my need for quiet and peace was not just acknowledged, but celebrated. And I fell into the wrong hands.” I hated telling this story. I loathed it. But I needed her to understand, and for her to really understand, she needed the truth.
“I was learning about the different types of play, and different toys and implements that are used,” I began.
“Toys and implements?” she asked. Oh Christ. I needed to keep my head on straight. We were starting at the very beginning here.
“Yes. Sex toys like vibrators, dildos, and more adventurous things. Implements such as impact toys. Paddles, floggers, canes, and more. It sounds scary, but I promise it doesn’t have to be. But for the sake of this story, I need to know if you understand and can accept this. At least for now?” I waited for her response, watching as her teeth tugged on that full lower lip of hers.
“I can accept it for now,” she said with a heavy sigh.Good.
