Page 33 of Ezekiel
“No. He’s never harmed me or done something I didn’t want. I just hadn’t known I wanted it,” I admitted softly. “But isn’t it a sin?”
“Why would it be a sin?” she asked, and honestly, I wasn’t sure how to answer.
“I mean, the things he says… the thingsIhave said…”
“Talia, you little heathen,” she teased with a chuckle. “There is nothing wrong with what you and your husband do, as long as you are both consenting and respecting one another.”
“But I just….” I trailed off, unsure how to express what I was feeling.
“You just what?” she prodded.
“I just have so many questions. And I don’t know what to think. He tells me things, and I am appalled. I want to protest and say that it’s wrong,” I began.
“Why?”
“Because it isn’t the Christian thing to do!” I exclaimed in exasperation.
“Why not?” she pushed.
“Because… well… it’s not…” I stumbled over my words.
“Because it’s not missionary position in a dark room with the sole purpose of making a baby?” she offered, and I realized she was right. But that didn’t sound right, either. “Is that honestly what you want?”
“No,” I whispered, my mind racing with thoughts. “No, I don’t want that.”
“Well, what do you want?” she asked, and the answer was clear as day.
“I want all of this with Zeke. I don’t know if I’ll want everything he wants, but… so far, I want it all,” I admitted. It was the truth. “But wanting it doesn’t make it easy.”
“It never does. What are you struggling with?”
“It’s just not how I thought things would be. My parents raised me here in Zion because they believed it was the best choice for us. They wanted me to have values and a love for God, which I do. Undoubtedly. I just don’t know if God would love this.” That pang of guilt was sharp in my chest again. “How do I manage the things I want with the guilt that I feel?”
“Why do you feel guilty about what you enjoy?”
“Well, isn’t that the thing? There are things in this world that are here to lead us into temptation. And if there is one thing I know for certain, Zeke is the definition of temptation.” The two of us both giggled at my words.
“But why is wanting your husband a temptation? Temptation is supposed to be something you shouldn’t want. The love and the intimacy between a husband and a wife is not that.” Delilah’s explanation made sense, but still, it was hard.
“You’re right. Mercy, could you imagine if my parents found out?”
“Never. That would be awful. I can’t even imagine my parents knowing a single thing about my sex life,” she chuckled. “I’m pretty sure my parents are of the belief that Ollie simply does what he has to do to knock me up as quickly as possible and then leaves me alone the rest of the time.”
“I still can’t believe how they treat you, Lilah. It’s absolutely wrong.” My heart ached for my friend, for the way people treated her. It was one reason we had become fast friends in the first place. Other children had often teased her for her looks when we were young, and I had immediately gone to her, wanting to stand up for her. A friendship had developed almost immediately and had been strong ever since. It wasn’t just her parents who had treated her that way, though. Everyone in Zion seemed to.
“You are lucky to have the parents you have, Talia. They were always so kind to me,” she sighed.
“I really am. I love them so much and they have always shown me so much love and acceptance. But, even so, I couldn’t imagine being open enough with them to tell them these things. No matter how much I love them.”
“Well, that’s why you have me. Now, if you truly want my advice, you need to talk to Zeke more. Tell him how you’re feeling. Ask questions about his kink, but more importantly, about your own.” Her words confused me.
“What do you mean, about my own? I don’t have a kink. He does.”
“That’s not true. You admitted you liked the things that he did, that you yearned for him. You’re telling me that your mind hasn’t been racing with ideas of other things you could do? Of what else there might be?” Her knowing questions made me blush. She was right. I needed to talk to Zeke.
“How do I do that, though? I can’t just walk up to him and say,hey, I want to play.I doubt it works that way,” I muttered.
“Yes, you can, and you absolutely should do exactly that!” she exclaimed. “Now, go talk to your handsome husband and keep talking. Keep talking and keep being open with one another. I know that’s not exactly easy with Zeke, but it’s so important, Talia. I can’t stress it enough.” Her words of wisdom were not lost on me.
