Page 53 of Ezekiel
“Am I okay? Am I okay!?” I nearly shrieked in disbelief. “Why would I be okay, Zeke?” I was seething. The anger and hurt that I had held under tight rein all afternoon surged to the surface. Not now. Not after his deception.
“When were you going to tell me? Were you ever going to tell me? After all of those things you preached about being our true selves. About being honest with one another. About honesty being so fucking important in this lifestyle you justhadto show me.” I couldn’t stop the tears as they welled up in my eyes and streamed down my face. Angrily, I swiped them away.
“Tell you what?! What are you talking about?” Zeke’s voice was fraught with confusion, but I didn’t care.
“You’re leaving? You’re all leaving?” I choked out with a sob. I watched as his face flickered through a myriad of emotions. Confusion. Realization. Fear. And then guilt. That last one did me in. He knew what he had done. Why else would his eyes reflect such remorse? “You knew it. You knew, and you said nothing,” I seethed.
“Talia, please —” he began, but I held up my hand.
“No. Stop. Just… stop.” I was conflicted. One half of me yearned to hear him out, hoping that his words would be a salve on the painful wound he had caused. The other half of me felt like no words could erase or even mitigate the pain I felt.
To his credit, Zeke said nothing. He sat there in silence while my options battered around in my brain like a ping-pong match.
Listen to him. Don’t listen.
Hear him out. Push him away.
Both options seemed appropriate.
“Please let me explain,” he finally spoke softly, his brow furrowed in concern. That guilt was still prevalent in his gaze.
“What could you possibly say to explain this?” I whispered through gritted teeth.
“I should have told you,” he sighed heavily.
“Yes. You should have told me. You should have told me back at the beginning, when we discussed kink and everything else. Why didn’t you? Why did you tell me to be open and honest? Why did you demand my vulnerability and then just leave out that you would leave me in the end?” Questions fell from my lips as fast and furious as the heated pain that lanced through my body.
He stood there silently. He wanted to talk, and yet he stood here in silence. I rolled my eyes, frustration adding to the already cacophonous chaos of emotion flooding my body.
“Well?” I pushed, irritated at his silence. “I’m listening. Why? Just… why?”
“Talia, I should have told you —”
“Yes, you already said that. Why? Why didn’t you?” I crossed my arms in front of my body protectively, knowing full well that nothing could protect me from the pain he had already caused. He was leaving. He had opened me up in a way I had not known was possible, and now he was just going to leave. Leave me open and raw and… alone.
“I don’t even know where to start,” he sighed, running a hand errantly through his curly hair.
“How about from the beginning?” I murmured as a exhaled.
“Come. Sit down and I will tell you everything. I swear,” he all but begged.
“You’d better,” I said after a moment’s pause, taking his hand and letting him lead me into the living room. We both sat on the sofa, my arms again crossed over my chest. A slight protective gesture that at least gave the impression of security.
“So the beginning…” he began with a sigh. “My brothers and I hate this place. Zion. All of it. We decided a few months ago to leave, but it’s been… well, difficult isn’t exactly the word.”
“You’re leaving. All of you. Just like that.” It wasn’t really a question. I felt the hot burn of tears welling up in my eyes again at the thought of losing this, all of it.
“Over the past few years, it became apparent to each of us, in our own time and in our own way, that this was not where we needed to be,” he continued, though that clarified exactly nothing in my mind.
“But why?” I whined.
“Why what?” he questioned.
“Why would you leave? Your home. Your family? Everything you know?” The pang of sadness at the thought of leaving everything behind cut like a knife. I couldn’t fathom leaving everything we had here.
“This isn’t the life I want, Talia,” he tried to explain, taking my hands in his.
“Why not? Is it me? Is what we have so bad?” I silently cursed the errant tears that spilled over my cheeks as I spoke.
