Page 56 of Ezekiel
“You wouldn’t leave with me?” His words only further injured my already wounded soul, laced with utter despondency.
“This is my home, Zeke. I can’t imagine leaving my family. I know what the Bible says. I know that you are now my husband and I should follow you as the head of my household. But to leave Zion? To leave my family and everything I’ve ever known? To leave the church that taught me how to love God?” I trailed off, trying to make sense of the hopeless situation we now found ourselves in.
“Talia, this place has taken away so many of your rights, so much of your voice. I will never, could never, ask you to give up what you want for me. No matter how badly I may want you to go with me.” Tears slipped down my cheeks at his words. This felt like goodbye. A goodbye before we had truly even begun our hello. It was all so new, and now it felt impossible.
“When?” I murmured in the faintest hint of a whisper. Part of me didn’t want to ask. I didn’t want to put a countdown on this relationship that had only just begun. The other part of me, the logical portion of my mind, knew that it was better to just know.
With a heavy sigh, he answered, “As soon as the last of us brothers are married. Knowing Kai, it’ll be him. Stubborn bastard will probably wait until the last possible second to agree to a marriage.”
“Why marry us? Why put us through this?” I asked, cursing the sob that caught in my throat as I spoke.
“Because we wanted to offer you more,” he replied, once again squeezing my hand in his. It was probably to offer me some measure of comfort and companionship, but all I felt was pity.
“More what?” I asked, shrugging my shoulders with my utter lack of understanding. “Why put us through the pain of getting to know you, of learning all of…” I waved my hands around as I attempted to find the right words for the thoughts racing through my brain. “All of this? Why let us fall for you only to leave us behind?”
“That was never the plan, Talia,” he tried to assure me, but it wasn’t reassuring at all. Quite the contrary.
“This plan. You keep referencingthe plan.What plan?” I nearly cried out.
“We came up with a plan to leave this place. At first we all came together, agreeing that Zion could no longer be our home. It was a simple plan. To make sure our funds and plans were in order so that we could get out safely and responsibly, then go our separate ways, each of us in search of the life we truly wanted. That took a little longer than any of us had thought, trying to decide where each of us would go and such. We each had to come up with our plan of what we would do for work, where we would live, and so on. While we all figured that out, Levi came up with the idea to go through with marrying our intendeds. Likely because Mother and Father kept pestering him about marrying.” Zeke’s words poured over me, and I tried to be open to his explanation. Tried.
“So, Levi convinced us all to go through with it. To offer each woman an opportunity out of Zion as safely as possible. We would each marry the person our parents arranged, and then once we were all married, we would tell our wives and offer them a choice. A choice to stay, to leave and start a new life they wanted, or to leave with us, if that was feasible,” Zeke finished his explanation. “I can’t say it was an easy sell for Levi. Malachi went off his rocker over it for a long time. Still is pretty annoyed by it, actually. But in the end, it made sense.”
“What did you think about that plan when Levi proposed it?” I asked, still pushing down the immediate desire to argue and beg him to stay.
“It took me a minute, truth be told. I was of the same mindset as Malachi. Once I made my decision to leave, I was ready to go, right at that very moment. Prolonging things felt like the worst decision. Plus, there was all the turmoil that came with the thought of getting married,” he chuckled. There was that stab of pain again. The thought of marrying me had brought him turmoil?
I saw the very instant that Zeke realized just what he had said.
“Oh fuck, Talia. That’s not what I meant. It wasn’t turmoil at marrying you specifically. It was the turmoil of marrying anyone at all,” he quickly tried to rectify. I shrugged him off, trying to gloss over the pain I was feeling. “No, Talia. I’m serious. It wasn’t you. It was the thought of having a complete stranger in my home. My one safe place where I don’t have to mask. But I told you the truth about my condition. I told you the truth of who I am,” he implored passionately.
“And you lied about the fact that you had no intention of staying with me,” I muttered.
“It’s not like that. I had no intention of staying in Zion, period. And maybe I should have told you sooner,” he retorted.
“Maybe? I think you should have been upfront from the get go,” I scoffed, rolling my eyes.
“And what good would that have done? Hmm? Hello, new bride. Here is my home. I’m a crazy person who can’t handle noise to the point that it makes me want to pull my hair out. Also, I’m into sadistic torture. Oh, and by the way, I plan on leaving in the next few months. Welcome to your new life,” he sarcastically snapped.
I cowered at his words, yet I took a moment to let them sink in. How would I have taken it if he had come right out and said it all? Sure, he pissed me off because he hadn’t been honest. It upset me that I had to learn about this plan of theirs from my sisters-in-law and not from my husband. But we had only been together a matter of days when I really stopped to think about it. Would I have responded well then? Or would I have freaked out more than I already had when he had explained kink to me? I couldn’t hold back the small smirk on my face at the memory. I had thought he was a devil-worshiper. What we had in the bedroom was no devil worship. It was worship of a completely different type. One I did not want to lose.
“I don’t want to leave without you, Talia. But I cannot stay,” he expressed. I nodded slowly. I wanted to be with him. What we shared was something deeper than I had imagined finding in such a short time together. But could I leave everything I had ever known? Could I go out into the unknown world and leave the safety of my home, my family, my church? Would God’s love follow me or would I fall prey to the evils of man, as Reverend Jacob had warned?
We settled into uncomfortable silence with one another there on the sofa, both of us unsure of how to continue. Neither of us knew how to move forward, but we were unwilling to leave each other's side all at the same time.
What the hell was I going to do?
CHAPTER12
EZEKIEL
What was I supposed to do? Talia and I had sat there on the sofa for over an hour, neither of us speaking. I didn’t know what to say. She probably didn’t either. I don’t know what I had expected, but this was not it. Sure, there was some part of my mind that had thought this would be a possibility. But both Ollie and Levi had come out of these conversations with wives who wanted to go with them.
Sure, it was because they loved one another. Did I love Talia? I did not know. Did she love me? Doubtful. Extremely doubtful. But how was one supposed to fall in love with another person in a week? How could I expect her to trust me enough to leave everything behind after just a handful of days?
The following day had passed just as the previous evening. Full of awkward silences and poignant, longing glances at one another. I didn’t know how to get us out of this rut.
“What do I do, Kai?” I asked, the turmoil of having hurt Talia in such a way pestering at my conscience like a cricket that would not be silenced. I couldn’t get it to leave me alone. So I had called Malachi to see if he had any words of wisdom.
