Page 59 of Ezekiel
I tried to imagine feeling that kind of love from my parents. It went against everything I had ever seen regarding parenting.
“Mine were the polar opposite of that.”
“How so?” she asked.
“Christ, where do I start? My mother tried. I will give her that, but essentially her motives have always been skewed. Everything she says, everything she does, is simply an extension of my father,” I began with a callous smirk.
“Isn’t that how it is supposed to be? With your father as the head of household?” she questioned.
“No. I mean, I guess it could be that way, if the motives were virtuous and right, but I just don’t believe that to be true. Everything my father has ever done, or will probably ever do, is for the betterment of himself only. He is selfish, greedy, and controlling to an extreme. A violent extreme.” I watched as a bit of understanding started to glimmer in her eyes.
“He’s violent? With you?” she asked, concerned.
“Not just me, but with all of my brothers and my mother. He’s a dangerous man. I think many of the Elders are, truth be told. But your reaction tells me that your own upbringing wasn’t like that.”
“Not in the slightest,” she agreed, shaking her head. “My parents have never once laid a hand on me. I have only had support and love and kindness from them.”
I honestly couldn’t wrap my brain around that concept, at least not here in Zion. A family of actual love and support? No fucking wonder she wanted to stay here. She hadn’t seen the underbelly of the beast. Well — other than on our wedding day.
“That must have been incredible to grow up with,” I murmured thoughtfully.
“It was. But you didn’t have that. You had violence, anger, and judgment, from what it sounds like.” There was an understanding in her eyes that hadn’t been there before. A calmness that gave me hope she might be beginning to understand just why my brothers and I wanted to leave so badly.
“I understand that the thought of leaving your family behind is difficult. But what my brothers and I have experienced, not just at the hands of our parents, but at the hands of the upper echelon of the church itself… Well, we just can’t stay here. I want to live a life that is happy and full of love and acceptance. And while I know you’ve only experienced acceptance here, that’s not the norm in Zion. This place does not love everyone. They hate all therightpeople, in their eyes. And that isn’t what I want. I want to love everyone, truly. I want to accept people as they are and have them accept me for who I truly am in return,” I basically pleaded. She took my hand in hers, the soft pad of her thumb idly running over my skin back and forth.
“I think I’m understanding. But I still don’t know if I could leave. As much as a part of me wants to. It’s like I’m being torn in two pieces. And right now, I can’t tell which piece is bigger. Which piece will pull me in the end. But I’m trying to be open. I’m trying to be understanding. But please give me time, Zeke. Please?” This time it was her pleading with me. And I hear her loud and clear.
I simply nodded, squeezing her small hand in mine.
“So where does that leave us until that day comes?” she asked with a heavy sigh.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what do we do now? Do we continue with this marriage that we have begun? Or do we keep our distance?” Her words only confused me further.
“Why would we keep our distance?” I asked, one brow arched in confusion.
“Because if we end up parting ways at the end of this, don’t you think it would be better to keep our distance now? So we don’t grow more attached?” Her eyes were downcast, her lips turned down in a slight frown of sadness.
“Hey,” I spoke softly, dropping her hand to pull her chin up and bring her gaze back to mine. “I don’t want to end this. I don’t want to pull away from what we are building just because we may end up parting ways when all of this comes to pass.”
“Why?” she asked solemnly, her eyes still lowered, as though she were afraid to see the truth in my eyes. But I needed her to see the truth. The truth of the matter was not what she feared.
“Look at me, Talia,” I urged her gently. “I don’t want to pull away because there is somethinghere. I don’t know what it is yet, but it’s more real than anything I’ve ever felt before.” The sheer honesty in my answer surprised even me. I didn’t know what this was, but I wanted to find out. And I was not ready to let it go. I wasn’t ready to let her go.
“So we carry on as we have, hoping we can somehow make it work?” she asked, her eyes finally rising to meet mine. The fear, the pain, and the potential heartbreak I saw shining back at me ripped my heart to shreds. I couldn’t speak, so I just nodded again, praying she saw the truth in my own eyes.
“But you’re still going to leave.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement of truth. Once again, I nodded.
“Yes. I have to. But really, truly, I hope that you’ll come with me.” A smile played at the corner of my lips and I saw the questions in her eyes. She was conflicted. It was a conflict I knew so well, it was near painful. I knew how hard a decision like this had been for me. I couldn’t imagine how difficult it was for her. To have a family that loved and supported her, and to just leave it all behind — that was not an easy thing to wrap one’s brain around. I didn’t want to push her. Fuck, all this place ever did was take away a woman’s choice. I would not take this one from her. I could only pray that she would choose to leave with me when the time came.
“So what now?” she asked once more, taking a deep and cleansing breath.
“Now, we get to decide what happens from here. I would like to keep this relationship going. I want to keep learning about you, exploring things with you. I want you to get to know me,” I spoke honestly.
After a long pause, she finally nodded, returning my smile with one of her own.
“I think I would like that, too,” she answered softly, almost timidly. “And the um… fun times we get into?” she asked, a beautiful blush spreading over her cheeks.
