Page 89 of Ezekiel
“Oh, don’t pretend like that isn’t exactly what you want all the time, Ruth!” Delilah chortled.
“Like you’re any different, Delilah?” Ruth teased right back.
“Oh, not in the slightest. Give me a red ass and shaking thighs any day of the damn week.” I looked over at my childhood friend with wide eyes. The way they both so openly discussed their desires was enlightening. We had talked about kink before, but it hadn’t been like this. Today there was an openness, a realness to both of them that made me feel comfortable. Made me feel seen.
“Can I ask you both a question?” I asked, somewhat quietly, finding that my embarrassment ran a little deeper than I would have liked at that moment.
“Of course. This is a safe space, always,” Delilah encouraged me. “Plus, the way I see it, the dirtier and more honest, the better. It’s really a life-changing thing to have friends you don’t have to hide with. You can just be you here. No matter what.”
Her words gave me the courage I needed.
“How do I go about telling Zeke what I want?” I asked in a near whisper.
“Communication is huge, Talia. It is so important to be open and honest all the time, especially when it comes to kink,” Ruth explained.
“She’s right. Honesty and open communication is the only way to build a strong dynamic,” Delilah readily agreed.
“But how?” I asked again.
“What do you mean?” Ruth pressed.
“I mean, I’m the submissive in the relationship, or dynamic, I guess. I don’t think I can just waltz up to him and say: hey dumbass, please tie me down and pour wax on me again at your earliest convenience,” I snarked. Both of them looked at me with wide eyes. Delilah couldn’t have held back her grin if she had tried.
“Wax? He poured wax on you?” Ruth asked with such blatant jealousy it made me grin.
“Oh, Lord, yes he did!” I groaned, my eyes rolling back in my head at the memory. “And let me just say the man is an artist. He used all these colors. The wax was hot and stinging and then cooled quickly. So it’s like a hiss of pain and then this bloom of pleasure that spreads out over your skin,” I explained.
“Jesus take the wheel ‘cause I’m on my way to hell. Note to self: have Ollie call Zeke and make this happen!” Delilah chuckled.
“No kidding! That sounds incredible,” Ruth sighed.
“The scenes we had were incredible. And then everything just… stopped.” I shrugged my hands, gesturing to convey my inability to navigate this whole thing.
“What did he say when you asked about it?” Ruth pressed, her genuine concern etched on her face.
“I haven’t said a word. What am I supposed to say? I don’t want to be petulant and demand that we get back into it. I know that’s the wrong call. But I don’t know how to just bring it up. It’s been the weirdest week of my life. My emotions have been everywhere. On the one hand, he has been the most loving and attentive husband a woman could ever dream up in her wildest fantasies. On the other hand, I miss what we had before. I miss the fire, the spark, the connection.”
“That’s a real and valid point, Talia. And you need to talk to him about it. And soon. Seriously,” Delilah suggested.
“Delilah is right. The longer you sit on that feeling, the more it will fester up inside you. Honest and open communication is the key,” Ruth agreed.
“I know. We had talks about the importance of that in the first few days after he told me about kink, and in that moment it seemed so easy. But now…” I trailed off, not having the words to explain how it felt. HowIfelt.
“I get it, trust me.” Ruth assuaged my feelings, her hand covering my own in both comfort and solidarity. “But don’t let it wait. Talk to him about it. Tonight. Levi and I both struggled with that lesson in the first weeks of our marriage. But when we divested ourselves of our own egos, it was a game-changer.”
“What do you mean, your egos?” I questioned, my brow furrowing in confusion.
“Typically, when you find yourself clamming up and not wanting to be honest, it’s your ego and your pride holding you back,” Ruth explained.
“Or your insecurity. Istillstruggle with that one. But Ollie has helped me to come out of my shell and be my authentic self. Ruth is right. It’s a game-changer,” Delilah added.
“Oh, trust me. I’ve seen quite a change in you, Delilah Temple,” I teased, wanting to break the tension and direct the conversation away from myself for a moment. I needed to sit with their words for just a bit. They were heavy words, not easily digested.
“He’s treating me like I’m a piece of glass,” I admitted, looking down at my hands.
“Can you blame him, Talia? I mean, think about it,” Delilah began kindly. “Y’all were in the middle of a scene, a big scene from what it sounds like, and then you safeworded and bolted. Because you flashed back to some trauma that is just… Well, hell, it’s mind-blowing. Safe-wording is always the right call when it’s needed, but at the end of the day, your Dominant was in charge and you experienced something horrific under his care.”
“But it wasn’t his doing!” I argued, exasperated.
