Page 47 of Gideon
“God has nothing to do with it,” she hissed through clenched teeth. There it was. That fire in her I knew and loved.
Loved?
“I couldn’t agree more. God has nothing to do with anything here in Zion. This is the product of sadistic men. Nothing more. For fuck’s sake, I’m not even sure I believe in God,” I admitted with a somewhat humorless laugh.
“Really?” she asked, her brow furrowing in confusion.
“Really. My brothers and I all feel the same in that regard. Some of us are a bit... I don’t know, we could go either way. Ollie? He’s completely given up on the idea of God. Calls him sky daddy, actually.” This time, I did laugh. The phrase would never get old for me.
“I never would have guessed. I had you all pegged for mini-Elder Temples,” she said with a look of contemplation.
“We play the part we have to play to survive here, just as you do.” I kept my gaze trained on her, still holding back the unnerving desire to take her into my arms and run away. Fuck the plan. Fuck my boat. Fuck it all. I wanted her safe.
“You’re a bit of an enigma, Gideon Temple. Nothing at all like I had thought. You all have thrown away God and this place, and you want to leave. Then you throw your kinky proclivities into the mix? Complete conundrum, I tell you.” A smile finally graced her face, and I felt the tight bands across my chest loosen for the first time this evening.
“I think kink played a big part in it. In a way, at least. It was our introduction to life outside of Zion. The people I’ve met at Abditory have shown me so much. I learned that not all people outside of here are bad. Don’t get me wrong, there are more than a fair few bad people out there,” I explained.
“Evil exists everywhere, within Zion and outside it. The Elders have simply found ways to hide their evil behind a facade of holiness and devotion,” she agreed.
“I couldn’t have said it better myself,” I agreed. “But with kink, it showed me a way to be true to myself. It showed me a world of acceptance and caring and understanding that I didn’t know existed. Hell, I hadn’t thought itcouldexist.”
“And ropes are what does it for you?” she asked. We’d had this talk already, but I felt like this was the first time we were really talking about it. This time, it wasn’t under a veil of the people we thought we were. This time it was Naomi and Gideon, the real and truest part of ourselves, with a new understanding of one another.
“Ropes are my specialty, but dominance is where I have found myself. There’s a difference,” I explained carefully, understanding how tenuous this conversation truly was.
“I don’t know that I could ever do it again,” she admitted. Her eyes had lowered back to the floor, her timidness and uncertainty in this moment prevailing over anything else.
“Naomi, look at me,” I guided her gently. Her eyes lifted after a moment and a heavy sigh. Only when I had her eyes did I continue. “We will do nothing, not even the tiniest bit, unless you agree to it. You must agree completely to anything and everything we do. No matter what. And if you do agree to it, it has to be becauseyouwant to do it. Not because you think it’s what I want. I need you to understand that.”
Her eyes stayed locked on mine, searching for something, anything, that would prove me to be a liar or untrustworthy. I knew to the depths of my soul that she would not find it. I could not have been more serious about anything.
“The whole thing is confusing,” she admitted, and I couldn’t blame her. It was.
“If you’re willing, I’d like to talk to you about that,” I urged her to continue.
“It’s just what I said earlier. On the one hand, it was one of the most exciting experiences of my life. But with what I’ve gone through… the idea of being helpless is absolutely terrifying.”
“It can be, yes. And if that is your decision, I respect it whole-heartedly,” I answered.
“It sounds like there’s a but coming,” she rolled her eyes with a gentle smirk.
“There’s always a but,” I teased, throwing her a wink. It felt good to bring some levity to the situation. “In this case, perhaps a different perspective is what you need.”
“How so?” The question in her eyes gave me hope. She was curious. Curious was good. It led to understanding and usually meant an openness and willingness to grow.
“Perhaps it’s not about putting yourself in a situation that triggers you. Perhaps it’s about reclaiming a situation that triggers you.” My words seemed to hit on something inside her. Her eyes became unfocused as she thought over that very thing, about reclaiming something that had been taken from her.
“Tell me more about that, please,” she asked, and I felt my soul lighten.
“There are ways you can take back that situation. Make it into something new.”
“But how? How could I when it just takes me back to that time? To that place?” she asked. I could hear in her voice how she wanted to understand. She was open to the idea, if her tone was anything to go by.
“By going about it the right way. That’s the most important thing. I didn’t do things right, Naomi. We should have talked so much more before I ever tied you up. Hell, before I ever got even the slightest bit dominant with you,” I explained.
“I didn’t hate all that part of it,” she admitted with a grin. There was a soft blush to the apples of her cheeks and I felt myself respond to it.
“That’s good to hear. I definitely want to havethatconversation sometime,” I teased, hearing the way my voice deepened as I responded to the gentle sexual tension that hovered between us.
