Page 57 of Gideon
“I think I just need to know… I needed to be sure that—” she stopped abruptly, as though she were afraid to speak those next words. Words I already knew.
“You needed to know what my reaction would be if you broke the paper, if you safeworded,” I finished for her, understanding what had happened now. She nodded her head, still refusing to look at me as her shoulders slumped with guilt.
“Hey,” I whispered, my hand touching her leg and squeezing gently, willing her to look at me. “That is okay. I don’t blame you at all. Even if you hadn’t gone through the trauma of your childhood, it makes sense that you needed to test that boundary in order to trust it.”
She looked up at me then, her eyes welled up with tears as she took in my words.
“Explain it to me. Knowing there will be no repercussions or judgment, help me to understand,” I urged her.
“I just got so emotional. It was hot as hell. Don’t get me wrong. But as you kept pushing me to hold back, to submit… I felt this fuzzy feeling in my brain, like I wasn’t in control,” she began, her voice thick with emotion and unshed tears.
“Because you weren’t in control,” I reminded her. “You were beginning to give over.”
“And that scared me. Suddenly I was afraid. Afraid that you wouldn’t honor the promises you had made. That if they had been real ropes and not paper… then I would have been stuck, with no way out.” Tears began to fall slowly down her pale cheeks.
“But were you safe?” I asked her, posing the question to make her think, really think, about the situation she had been in. Her brow furrowed as she considered my question.
“I don’t know,” she whispered.
“Yes, you do,” I insisted, pushing her to really think and to answer the question honestly.
“Yes. I was safe,” she spoke barely above a whisper. I simply nodded my head, letting her continue. “I was safe. You told me you’d stop if I safeworded or I ripped the paper. I did both, and you stopped. And you didn’t get mad.” Her last words were spoken with a certain astonishment, as though the thought had just taken hold in her mind.
“I have you, Naomi. I meant what I said. I have you and I will keep you safe. It’s my job, not only as your husband but as a Dominant. And it’s a job I take very seriously,” I explained yet again. “Your willingness to be open and to explore this new thing with me is… Christ, there just aren’t words for it. It’s astonishing. It’s incredible. But, most of all, it’s humbling.”
“Humbling?” she repeated, with one eyebrow lifted in confusion.
“Yes,” I chuckled. “Humbling. To have gone through what you’ve gone through and still be willing to explore this with me is nothing short of humbling, and it’s an honor I hold in the highest regard to be allowed to dominate you. Thank you for giving me the gift of your trust and your willingness to explore, Naomi. Thank you.”
With tears in her eyes, she moved closer, almost crawling into my lap as she nuzzled into my shoulder and let me finally wrap my arms around her. I kissed the top of her head, showering her with words of praise. “You were incredible tonight. You took everything I gave and did it with such fire and ferocity it had me completely dying with want for you.”
“Oh God!” she exclaimed, pulling back to look at me with wide eyes, confusing me. “You didn’t… I mean…” she babbled as I finally understood what she meant.
“Cum? I didn’t cum?” I chuckled. She nodded her head, a faint blush crossing her cheeks as I hit the nail on the head.
“That doesn’t matter.” I shrugged off nonchalantly. “That’s not what any of this was about. Plus, I couldn’t be more satisfied with our scene tonight.”
“How is that possible? The orgasms you gave me… hell, Gideon! You gave me so many! It’s not fair that you didn’t get any,” she protested.
“That’s another thing I need you to understand, Naomi. Kink, just as with sex, isnottransactional. Just because you get off doesn’t mean I need to, and more importantly, it doesn’t mean that I will feel slighted if I don’t climax. It’s not about the climax. It’s about the journey,” I explained.
“I understand what you’re saying, but…” she began.
“But what?” I pressed.
“But I still want to give you pleasure,” she admitted with a huff of frustration.
“That wasn’t easy for you to say, was it?” I chuckled. She smacked my arm lightly, but the smile that grew across her face filled me with a happiness I couldn’t express. It was going to be okay. She let out a big yawn, and I glanced at the time.
“We should be getting to bed, yeah?” I asked her quietly. She nodded. I watched as she changed back into the little peach nighty, noticing with interest the fact that she did not put panties back on. Devilish little vixen.
I slipped under the covers, turning on my side to watch her finish preparing herself for bed. She was beautiful, the room barely lit by the moonlight and the small amount of light the bedside lamp washed over the room.
When she crawled into her side of the bed, I expected her to stay on her side, as she had every night. But, much to my surprise, she crawled in and scooted close to me, wrapping herself around my torso and laying her head on my shoulder. There was no question, no coaxing from me. It was all her. And I was floored by it.
“One day, Naomi,” I spoke softly against the top of her head, the dark room giving me the safety and courage to speak the words, “one day, I will show you that I can handle it.”
“It?” she questioned, her words pressed against the skin of my chest, her breath fanning out hotly against me.
