Page 87 of Gideon
“Does it hurt?”
“Doesn’t it feel restricting?”
“Did he string you up from the ceiling? Ollie told me that some riggers will do that,” Delilah interjected amongst the questions.
“One at a time, please,” I laughed. “Okay, yes, he tied me up last night. As for what rope feels like, it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced.”
“I think most of us felt that way when we learned of our husbands’ kinks,” Ruth admitted.
“True,” Delilah added.
“Doesn’t it make you.. you know, triggered?” Talia asked quietly, turning the tone to a more somber one.
“It did at first. Honestly, when I first found his stash of rope, I thought he was a serial killer or something.” I laughed at the memory.
“Wait, did you find his kit before he told you about it?” Ruth asked, shocked.
“I did. I found it on his boat, and that led to quite an intense night of talking and — well, actually, now that I think about it, there wasn’t much talking at all.” I could feel the heat of their collective stares, along with my own blush.
“That must have been a shock! How did Gideon handle that?” Delilah asked, literally on the edge of her seat.
“He was an ass, as per usual,” I scoffed. “No, he handled it well, for the most part. Though, my, shall we say, education was a bit disjointed. It took us a second to hit our groove and get on the same page.”
“The same happened with Zeke and I,” Talia admitted.
“As for it being a trigger, it was at first like I said, but Gideon really knows what he’s doing. He led me in gently. I’m learning to like it. It’s oddly freeing,” I sighed, remembering last night.
“I’m not sure I could find such a thing freeing. Not after what I went through,” Talia admitted.
“I thought the same. And I’m sure it’s not the same for everyone, but for me, it’s been a humbling and incredible experience so far. I don’t know how deep I’ll be able to go, but—” I cut off, not knowing what to say.
“That’s what he said,” Delilah giggled, breaking the tension yet again.
“Oh my God, Delilah. You’ve been spending too much time with Ollie,” Ruth scolded, rolling her eyes dramatically. Delilah just shrugged the comment off with a grin. I, for one, was happy about the levity in the conversation.
“Dealing with everything has just felt like a whirlwind,” I sighed.
“I think it’s felt like that for all of us,” Ruth agreed.
“So, I don’t mean to bring the conversation down again, but I really want to ask,” Talia began. “You really remember everything from before? Everything that happened?”
All eyes were on me at that question.
“In a way, yes, and in a way, no,” I answered. “I remember being taken and I remember the cabin. Those parts are still vivid in my memory. As for life before Zion? I remember bits and pieces, but it’s like trying to catch the wind. As soon as I think too hard on any particular memory, it just seems to float away.”
“That must be awful,” Delilah muttered softly.
“It can be. There are things I want so desperately to remember, but they just won’t come to me,” I admitted.
“Like what?” Ruth’s question caught me off guard. It was so strange to be talking about these things, especially so openly, so safely.
“Like my parent’s names. I would give anything to find them, to tell them that I survived and that I’m okay. Relatively speaking,” I laughed the last comment off. Talia nodded along.
“I wish the same thing, but I have no memories from before. I have no idea where I’m from or who I was before this place,” she commented sadly. My heart hurt for her. I at least had some memories, some little details that I could cling to in hopes of finding my family again.
“I remember that I lived far from here. It was a long drive to get to Zion after I was taken. And there were no mountains. Outside of that, I’m not sure I can remember,” I explained further.
“I have these random flashbacks to the time in the cabin, and a little to the time in the van, but nothing concrete,” Talia added. Her hand was placed over her belly protectively, as though she wanted to protect her baby from even the thoughts of our mutual trauma.
