Page 45 of Malachi
“The Elders leaving gave me the time I needed to breathe and think of something to say. It had to be believable,” he continued on.
“And the best lies are born of truth,” Zeke interjected quietly, almost under his breath.
“Yes, exactly.” Levi finally looked up, locking eyes with Zeke. That’s when I saw it. His eyes were glassed over, tears near to spilling as he spoke. It made me feel uncomfortable, this juxtaposition of emotion that welled up inside of me.
“You can do this,” Ruth softly encouraged beside him. Levi took a deep breath, calming himself before he spoke again.
“I told Father the closest thing to a believable lie that I could. Essentially, I told him we had made plans to start a new commune outside of Zion, a second community. I was certain that he saw right through me until I explained how we had come to that conclusion. I explained we had dreams of a world that was like Zion. With the population growing, it made sense to start a second little town. And of course, we would still travel to Zion to attend church. This was like phase two of the Zion way, in my mind. That seemed to sell him on our plan,” he explained with heavily burdened sighs, his face still contorted in an imagery of pain as he spoke.
“Where’s the punchline?” I asked tersely, my arms crossed over my chest as I worked to hide my still fisted hands.
“Excuse me?” Levi asked dejectedly, his head swiveling towards me until our eyes connected. He looked tired and worn, while I could physically feel the tension in my furrowed brow.
“You know what I mean,” I scoffed. “What’s the point? Where’s the punchline?”
“I don’t know what you mean,” he pandered, but I wasn’t having it.
“You fucking do know what I mean. Explain it to me like I’m fucking five because I can’t for the life of me figure out why you would go to such lengths —”
“Kai, he had to tell them something! He was about to be caught!” Ollie interjected, interrupting me and making me want to smack him right across the mouth.
“No, no, I get that part. What I cannot seem to reconcile, the piece of this that is nigh on unforgivable, is why you wouldn’t tell us,” I all but spat the words out as the vitriol and accusation threatened to burn my tongue like acid.
“Now that’s a fucking point,” Gideon agreed, his arms crossing over his chest.
“I feel like I’m on trial here,” Levi laughed in a sarcastic huff.
“That’s because you are,” I spat through gritted teeth. “Explain to us why you never once thought to reach out, to come over, to pick up a fucking phone. Jesus Christ, Levi! A smoke signal would have worked. Anything but the utter silence and hatred you’ve given us for the past few weeks.” I could feel angry tears prick at the corner of my eyes as my emotions threatened to take over.
“I couldn’t,” Levi answered with such blatant honesty, it was nearly unbelievable.
“That’s not true. It can’t be,” I shrugged off in utter disbelief. “We are, above all things, honest with each other, Levi. That’s how it’s always been. It’s how we function. Your secrecy — your utter fucking deceit — over these last weeks has been inexcusable and honestly makes you a piss poor excuse for our brother.” I could feel the anger and pain radiating off of me in waves.
“You think I don’t know that?” Levi muttered so quietly, I could scarcely hear him. “You don’t think that this whole thing was easy, do you, Kai? Because I can tell you right now, it was anything but easy.” With each word he spoke, he grew more emotional, until I could feel his pain in my own body as if I were the one who experienced it. I wanted to believe him, and most of me did. But I was a stubborn ass on the best day. I couldn’t find it within myself to be so quick to forgive.
“Sure seemed fucking easy from where I’m sitting,brother,” I spat derisively.
“You have no idea, Kai,” he shot right back.
“No!” I shouted in anger. “See, that’s the part I don’t get, Levi. You could have clued us in at any time, and you chose not to. It’s not hard. That’s the truth,Levi!Pick up the phone. Send a text. Email. Letter. Chat in person. Stop by. Fuck me ten ways into next Tuesday, the options are goddamn endless. And what did you choose,dear brother?You chose to stay silent and cast us out.”
“It’s what I was told to do,” Levi grumbled through clenched teeth so quietly I almost couldn’t hear him.
“Oh, that’s fucking rich. By who?” I scoffed, my voice dripping with palpable sarcasm. “Wait, let me guess. The Lord our Savior? Or maybe it was your wife here. Was it you, Ruth?”
“You’re being a dick, Kai,” Levi sneered at me. I had touched on a nerve, bringing Ruth into this. Good. Let him be peeved. Let his nerves feel half as frayed and worn and raw as mine had these past days.
“You think I give a fuck? Not in the slightest. You’ve been a dick for weeks and you’restillbeing a dick by giving us these lame answers and piss poor excuses and—”
“The FBI agent told me to lay low and not speak to any of you. Not yet.” His words flew out in a flash, muddling in my brain as I stammered in silent confusion.
“The what now?” Ollie repeated lamely.
“The FBI agent. He told me to lay low for a while, let the dust cool off to help keep myself — but more importantly, all of you — as safe as possible. So that’s what I did. I played the part I had to play until things calmed down enough to bring you all in on the whole thing.” It felt like Levi was speaking in a foreign language — in a massive storm — on a call with unimaginably poor reception. It simply did not compute in my rage-addled brain.
“The what?” Zeke echoed Ollie. All I could do was nod along with him. Realizing my mouth was agape, I quickly shut it, clearing my throat and resuming my earlier air of thinly reined in rage that seemed to suit me best.
“Kai, can you please sit down? You’re making me all anxious,” Levi groaned, gesturing to the empty seat next to Zeke.
