Page 33 of XOXO, Daddy
“You start with the first thing you feel.”
“I feel worried,” I admitted.
“About someone or something?”
“Both?”
“Did someone hurt you?”
“No. But I think I might get hurt. I think I need to call things off with someone I have been seeing.” I sighed heavily.
“Why do you have to call things off?”
“Because it won’t work. There’s no future for this relationship.” My chest tightened, my stomach dropping as despair washed over me.
“How do you know it won’t work?”
“Trust me, Mama. I know it won’t work. There’s no way. ”
“So either something drastic happened or—” she cut herself off, leaving the last part of her statement unsaid. But I knew what she was going to say. I was having both sides of the discussion on my own and trying to make a decision without really talking to the other person.
“I may be jumping the gun, but trust me when I say that it would not have worked out between us. This relationship… I don’t know. It bleeds into every other part of my life. And if I’m not careful, everything will be affected by it.”
“Is the relationship worth it?” It was on the tip of my tongue to sayyes.I wanted to so badly. But was itactuallyworth it?
Was this relationship with Adam worth losing my friendship with Alyssa?
Was it worth years of turmoil at the office until one of us found a different job, just to be away from each other?
Was it worth the ridicule that was sure to face us, if the relationship ever became public?
Or would it have never become public? Would I have had to live my life in a behind-closed-doors relationship, a dirty little secret for him to keep?
“You’re doing it again,” Mama chastised gently.
“Doing what?”
“Having an entire conversation in your head. Do yourself a favor. Talk to this boy. The only way to get through a conversation is to actually have it. You can’t decide for him. That’s not fair.”
She was right. But also, there was no way in hell I was about to admit all of this to Adam. How was I supposed to tell him that the impending doom of Alyssa finding out about us had my stomach in knots, to the point I hadn’t been able to eat or sleep?
What if she did find out? How would I handle work? How could I see her at work every day and pretend like nothing had happened? I wasn’t seeing some random stranger, and I couldn’t just cut Alyssa out of my life. We worked together. We weren’t the closest of friends anymore, but did I want to lose her as a friend entirely?
“Ok, so I’ve been seeing someone. And it’s causing an issue with a friend. Who I happen to work with.”
“So it affects everything.” She nodded in understanding.
“Exactly. I’m not even sure where to begin. Other than to move on with my current plan, that is.”
“Which is?”
“To break things off with him and avoid my friend.”
“That isn’t a plan, Willow. That’s running away. Sweetheart, you are one of the strongest, most driven women I’ve ever known. I am proud to call you my daughter. But you’re also your own worst enemy when it comes to the personal side of your life.”
“Isn’t all of my life personal?” I snorted derisively.
“It is, but where you are focused and driven with your career, you let your love life, and sometimes your friendships, fall apart because—” she cut herself off before finishing her thought.
