Page 43 of XOXO, Daddy
“God, I hate that you aren’t calling me Daddy,” he sighed, shaking his head. “That’s the point, though, Willow. You grew up. Alyssa grew up. We are all adults. And the two of us, you andme, we are consenting adults in this relationship. It has nothing to do with Alyssa.”
“I doubt she feels the same.”
“Alyssa can draw her own conclusions, but I will not allow my adult daughter to dictate who I love or how I choose to spend my life.”
I sat there in shock, reeling after the admission he had made.
He loves me?
“Yes, I said what I said, and I did not misspeak. I choose who I love, and who I want to be with. I choose the kind of relationship I want to have. I choose what fulfills and sustains me. And you, Willow Ashford, are the person who I am falling in love with, for the first time since my wife died. You are the woman who fulfills me and sustains me. Nothing makes me happier than you calling me Daddy, and being able to give you care. There is nothing I want more than that.” His earnest and heartwarming words should have given me everything I needed. I should have been leaping into his arms. So why wasn’t I?
I felt frozen by uncertainty as desire and fear warred in my chest. I wasn’t sure I could believe him, though part of me knew I should. But I wasn’t sure I was ready to break up a family. And until I figured that out, I had no idea what to say to him. I wanted to speak, but the words felt stuck in my throat.
“I’m not here to force you into a decision, Willow. But you needed to know the truth. You can’t truly make a choice if you aren’t fully informed,” Adam said with a sigh, running his hand through his thick, wavy hair.
“I know you’re not trying to pressure me, it’s just…”
“It’s just what?”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“I’ll give you as much time as you need. But, Willow?” he asked, drawing my eyes back up to his. “Let me be abundantly clear. I want this with you. I want you to be here with me.Nothing gives me more pleasure than seeing you in your little outfits, being princess for me. Nothing fulfills me more than giving you care. And this isn’t about getting my dick wet. If that’s all I wanted, I could go find a fuck-buddy with no problem. I choose you. I want to be with you. No matter what anyone else says. I’ve made my choice.”
My breath caught as every word from his mouth hit me like a ton of bricks. My heart thundered in my chest, and I almost felt dizzy..
His eyes searched mine. It was all I could do to not lean in and kiss him.
“So, the ball is in your court, Willow. Make your choice.”
“I… I understand. I need to… I need to think about everything. I just need some time.” I stood and began moving towards the door slowly. They were the hardest steps I’d ever taken.
What are you doing, Willow? This man bares his heart to you, tells you he loves you, that he wants to be with you, and you’re just going to walk away?
There was nothing I wanted more than to say yes to him. To be his princess and let him be my Daddy. It felt right in a way that nothing else ever had before. But there were so many unknowns, so many questions I didn’t have the answers to. My heart, my verysoul,felt like it was ripping in two, pulled in opposite directions. It was too much. It was too big.
Big problems are just a group of small problems you haven’t broken down into achievable tasks yet.
My Mother’s words rang in my head like thunder. This problem felt so big, so insurmountable, but it was really just a bunch of small problems. My friendship with Alyssa. Her relationship with Adam. Going public with my lifestyle if I moved in with him. How this would all affect my professionallife. All of these problems piled up in my head until it felt insurmountable.
But could I handle those small problems, each on their own? I paused in the doorway, paralyzed by fear and indecision. I felt like a wire stretched to the breaking point, and the slightest breeze would cause me to snap. I just didn’t know what it would look like when I did.
“Willow…” Adam’s voice, soft and gentle, full of pain, and just as full of understanding and care, rolled over me like a tsunami over a life raft. It broke through all of my resistances, all of my fears and questions. It laid me bare and struck to the very heart of me. To the deepest truth; the one I could not deny. Iwantedthis. I wanted him.
I wanted my Daddy.
“I’m scared,” I whispered, still not trusting myself to turn and face him.
“I know. I know, and it’s okay to be scared. But be scaredwithme. Trust me enough to let me guide both of us through this,” he urged earnestly.
“I don’t know if I can,” I whispered, my hand still frozen on the doorknob.
“Trust me. Trust me to have your best interests at heart, love. I promise I won’t let you fall.”
Taking a deep breath, with tears welling in my eyes, I could no longer deny the truth of what I wanted. I could no longer deny him..
“Okay,” I murmured so softly he surely could not have heard me.
“What?”
