Page 15 of Badger
Max slapped my shoulder and took off down the steps toward one of the club trucks we used for hauling anything from furniture to some of our more not so legal things.He waved as he pulled out of the driveway and I shut the door, not sure what the hell to do with all the bags I was holding.I’d just needed a few changes of clothes to get me by for right now, and some bathroom shit like shampoo.
Adalia appeared in the doorway.“Was that Max?”
“Yeah, he was just dropping off this stuff.Said someone else would bring the groceries.Your dad is sending him off on some errand.”
She nodded.“Want me to help you put that stuff away?”
“Put it away?”I stared at the bags in my hands before looking up at her.
“I was hoping you might want to stay here,” she said softly.“With me.”
Was she…
“You want me to move in?”I asked.
Adalia’s gaze darted off to the side, and she shifted from foot to foot.“If you don’t want to, then…”
I dropped the bags and reached for her, pulling her close.Tipping her chin up, I kissed her softly.
“If you want me here, sweet girl, then I’ll stay.But the minute I think you’d be better off without me, I’m out of here.I was serious when I said you deserved better than me.I’m not the hero you seem to think I am.I’m just a fucked-up ex-con with a really long rap sheet.”
“You’re my hero,” she said.“And you always will be.Colton, I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.Stop painting yourself as some villain and accept the fact that other people don’t see you that way.”
“You don’t understand, Adalia.Even when I was a kid, I was all kinds of fucked-up.I’ve done things you never want to hear about.Dark things.My parents…” I swallowed hard.I always tried not to think about that part of my life.
She reached for some of the bags in my hands.“Let’s put your things away, then you can tell me what has you running scared.And don’t deny that you are.Something in your past has scared the shit out of you.Maybe talking about it will help.I promise not to judge you.”
“All right.”My heart ached because I knew she was just telling me what she thought I needed to hear.Once she knew who I’d been, what I’d done, she’d never look at me the same way again.She’d be disgusted by me.No one knew about the shit in my past except our ex-Pres, and he’d taken it with him when he’d left the club to Griz and decided to travel in his last years on earth.
She was quiet while we put my new things away.She cleared out some closet space and two drawers for me to use.It felt so damn domestic, putting my things in that closet next to hers, the new boots Max had bought lined up next to her small, dainty shoes.I stared at the closet for a few minutes, wondering why I wasn’t panicking.Anytime a woman had tried to get close in the past, I’d shut that shit down fast, and booted their ass to the curb.Adalia was different, though.I wanted her acceptance, wanted all of her, even if I didn’t feel deserving of someone so pure, so sweet.
I sat on the bed, and she eased down next to me, reaching for my hand.She laced our fingers together and stared up at me patiently.When I didn’t say anything for a few minutes, she nibbled her lower lip.
“Will it help if I tell you something about me first?”she asked.
I shrugged.I wasn’t really sure if that would help, but I did want to know more about her.
“You were my first,” she said.
My brow furrowed.“First what?”
“The first man I’ve ever kissed.”Her cheeks flushed.“The first man I’ve slept with.I might have lost my virginity when I was thirteen, but I haven’t been with anyone since then.The only man I’ve ever wanted was you.”
It was hard to breathe as I absorbed her words and what they meant.She’d waited for me, all these years?No one had ever wanted me that much before.
“My birth mother was a rape victim,” she said softly.“She signed me over to the state the day I was born.I found one of the nurses who was working that night.My mom never even wanted to hold me, and refused to look at me.If I’d had a baby as a result of what happened to me, I’d never have been able to do that.I would have loved that baby regardless.”
My throat tightened and my eyes burned as I stared at her.I hated that so much evil had touched her life, and it sickened me that I would only add to it once she knew who I really was.
“When I was in the system, I thought I had it pretty good.I’d only had three foster families in thirteen years.All of them were kind enough, I suppose, even if they weren’t all that loving.But I never knew what it felt like to belong, to be part of a family, until May and Griz adopted me.And I know they did that because of you.They knew you’d want them to take care of me.”
“They wanted a kid,” I said.
“Maybe.But they would have never known I existed if you hadn’t been in that alley that night.Because of you, May came to find me.She wanted to check on me and see how I was faring.When she found out my foster family was about to get rid of me, she and Griz asked to adopt me.”
“I’m not who you think I am,” I said, looking anywhere but at her.“I’m not who anyone in this club thinks I am.I’ve done things none of them know about, and I’ve kept it a secret for a reason.”
I felt her hand slip into mine and she squeezed lightly.“I won’t tell anyone, Colton.Not even my dad.But maybe talking about your past will help you heal.I went to therapy when May and Griz adopted me.And talking to someone about what happened to me helped, more than I’d thought it would.”
