Page 8 of My Knight Before Christmas
My chest puffed and collapsed every ten seconds as I practiced yoga breathing. What happened that prevented his hands from opening his email and sending me a quick explanation? After dropping off my bags at home and using the restroom, where I touched up my hair and make-up (just because I was mad didn’t mean I wanted to look gross), I drove to the park in silence. Even music grated my ears which wasn’t normal for me.
Liam was already there, sitting on the hood of his SUV. Memories of his strong arms wrapped around my torso overwhelmed me to the point where I could almost feel his hug again. This was exactly what I was afraid of. Just his presence sent my senses into overdrive. I climbed out of my car, meeting him on shaky legs.
He hopped off his car, jerking his head toward the paved path that followed along Whittler River. I matched his casual pace, keeping a good five feet between us. As impatient as I was to hear his grand ole explanation, I bit my tongue.
Birds chirped from the branches of the oak and willow trees towering above us. The slightest breeze tickled my cheeks.
A few minutes into our stroll, he finally started speaking. “First and foremost, I want you to know I really like you. I know what I did, or rather didn’t do, hurt you. For that, I really am sorry.”
I side-eyed him. That apology sounded a lot more remorseful. The wall of anger I’d built cracked with a hairline fissure.
He continued. “The morning after our last date, my mom called. My Grams had a heart attack and was in the hospital.”
A pit settled in my belly. Liam had told me a little about his grandma on one of our dates. He practically lived at her house in high school since he didn’t get along too well with his dad.
“I booked the next flight out.” His voice trembled. “By the time I got to the hospital, I only got to say I loved her before she passed.”
I was so mad at him for ignoring me, all the while he was dealing with a devastating loss. “Liam, I am so sorry.” I dared a full glance at him. His eyes were glistening.
He cleared his throat. “Thank you. Much to my, and my family’s dismay, we learned I was her executor. Except she didn’t leave things very clear. The following three months I struggled to balance working remotely while cleaning out her house, making sure everyone got what Grams said they should, mediating disputes over what wasn’t listed in the will,andgetting her house ready to sell.”
Tears pricked my eyes. I stepped closer to him, as if me being half a foot away rather than five would magically make him better. No wonder he hadn’t talked to me. Did he even get time to eat while he was in Minnesota, dealing with his grandma’s property? Did he have time to grieve? Who was there to comfort him?
“I can’t even imagine how difficult that was,” I said. But why didn’t he call me to help him through it?
“My aunt and uncle are no longer speaking to one another.” He rubbed at his neck. “Half my cousins hate me now. All in all, it was a great visit home,” he said bitterly.
I halted our slow steps and squeezed his shoulder. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. I wished you would have called me. Even just as a listening ear.” I would’ve flown up there to help him. If he’d only reached out to me.
His hand covered mine that rested on this shoulder. “I should have taken two minutes to message you. I regret my decision.Every dayI regret it. I felt overwhelmed and afraid I’d scare you off with my family drama. I thought I could handle it on my own. Something I do too often, according to my sister. Before we met, I worked eighty hours a week. Meeting you forced me to reevaluate my life. I can’t tell you how much you helped me—for the better. I’m sorry I didn’t call you.”
Oh, Liam. I would’ve stayed by your side through it all. “What exactly happened to your phone?”
“I lost it at the airport in St. Paul. I guess I was too flustered exiting the plane. Anyway, I called the airline hoping someone turned it in, with no luck.”
“The universe was certainly against you.”
“It hasn’t been an easy three months, that’s for sure.”
“How are you doing now?” I searched his face. Where his eyes were once brilliant, they lacked the sparkle that used to be there. A wrinkle remained between his brows, as if he’d spent too much time frowning. Which he probably had.
“Most days I can get through work. After that...” He shrugged, looking off in the distance at the river bend.
His grief was palpable. My entire being was heavy from the emotional dump truck he’d laid at my feet. I may not be able to take away his heartache and despair, but I could at least offer a bit of support. “If you ever need to talk about it, I’m here.” Out of everything he could have told me, I never guessed it was this. I couldn’t trust that when the next major storm entered his life, he wouldn’t act in the exact same way. Because of that, I wouldn’t allow him back in my life. But I also wouldn’t abandon a soul in need either.
“Thank you,” he said.
“Thankyoufor telling me.”
He pushed a hand through his hair. “When I got home, the first thing I wanted was to call you. It’s just… it’s been hard dealing with my family and I knew too much time had passed, so I didn’t. I figured you hated me, anyway. When I saw you at Spencer’s, I thought it was fate bringing us back together. Instead, you took one look at me and ran. I know we can’t pick up where we left off, but can we try again, Avery?”
The crack Liam left in my heart deepened. As painful as it was to admit it, I had to stick to my decision to protect my heart. “I don’t think so.”
If he’d asked me to marry him right after our first kiss, I’d have quickly agreed to spending my future with him, just like a cheesy romance movie. But this was real life, not some made up script. I couldn’t just get over the hurt I carried for so long with a snap of my fingers. I couldn’t forget the way my heart yearned for him or the month I’d spent binging sugar and going through numerous boxes of tissues while I dreamed he’d reach out to me.
“Just one date?” he asked. “If you still feel the same way, I’ll leave you alone.”
“I...I…” I pushed past him, running like a coward. Again. I couldn’t look him in the face and tell him no. Because if I did, I’d get sucked right back into his silky chocolate eyes and cave like the addict I was. When had I become a deserter instead of facing my problems?
