Page 104 of His North Star
I shook my head. “Nope.” A decision I didn’t regret, either.
“That makes me feel a little better.”
“What about Blake?” I had to know. “Why push us together?”
“I only introduced you because he’d moved to town and was family. For the record, I never set you up with him. He asked you out all on his own.”
Huh. My view of the past year shifted. “Ty.” My voice cracked. “What do you want? For us?”
His voice was hopeful. Happy. “I want to date you. And I don’t mean hang out watching games together. Although, I would enjoy that too. But I want to take you horseback riding without an audience. I want picnics in the mountains. Dinners on Main Street. Nightly dance parties in the kitchen. Last-minute getaways.”
He reached for my hand. “I want to kiss you. And when I hold your hand, I want you to know that I never want to let go. I want to wrap you in my arms at night and wake up to you in the morning, knowing the most beautiful woman is by my side.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. Those were things I wanted with my future husband too. Fifteen-year-old me jumped with joy. Screaming that finally,finally, her dreams were coming true.
And for a moment, I pictured us together. Imagined the smiles we’d share. The long, sultry kisses every night when we said goodbye. How my skin would tingle from his touch. The nights singing while cooking together. Never-ending hugs when our days sucked. The mornings snuggled in bed. Kids.
I wanted it.
Ty’s silhouette stayed still. As if he’d held his breath awaiting my reaction.
“You have no idea how much my teenage self is rejoicing at the moment,” I confessed.
His voice held confusion. “Yourteenageself?”
“I was so in love with you in high school.”
“Does that mean—“
I put my fingers on his lips, stopping him.
“But,” I continued, “I learned how to shove my feelings six feet under and keep them under lock and key. Ty, you’re all I have. I’m still healing from Blake’s abuse. I’m a mess at the moment.”
He groaned. A defeat so raw, tears stung my eyes.
I dropped my hand from his mouth. My heart constricted. “Please give me time.” My voice wobbled. “I need you to understand—I’m not saying no. I’m just asking for time. Because if we do this, I want to be ready. I want to give you all of me, not the broken pieces that are left over.”
“Maren, do you honestly think that’s how I view you? I love youexactlyas you are. I loved you before you met my worthless cousin. I love you now after he fed all those lies to you. I loved you when you tried to push me away. I loved you when you were broken and crying. I’ve loved you through every twist and turn, and every high and low. Why would now be any different?“ He slid off the tailgate. “Don’t you see? My love is not conditional.”
He wantedallof me? Broken, messy me? No one else had. Didn’t Ty deserve someone whole? But if he really loved who I was, in this moment, then shouldn’t I accept what he was offering?
But what if we didn’t make it as a couple? What if we broke up? I couldn’t survive Ty not being in my life. “You know I love you too, right?” I couldn’t let him doubt that.
“Of course, but it’s not the same as beinginlove with me.”
“I know.” I scrambled over to him, reaching out for his arm, holding on to it. “My head is spinning, and it’s going to take me more than a minute to understand that you love me likethat.”
“Dating one another is the perfect way to come to terms with it.”
“And when. . .If. . . No”—I shook my head, clearing all the thoughts swirling around—“WhenI’m ready, you’ll be the first to know.”
He paced from the truck to the rock-gutter and back again. “I don’t get it. You gave James a chance. Why not me?”
“Because you mean everything to me, Ty. The risk factor is exponentially higher with us.”
“I’ve already ruined this, haven’t I?” he asked remorsefully.
“No,” I breathed out. I could so easily take away his pain. And yet, the words wouldn’t come.
