Page 73 of His North Star
He winced. “Actually, we should talk first.”
Oh, right. His news. “Okay.” I nodded.
He blew out a breath while running his hand through his hair. “I like you. A lot. I’d prefer it if we could let our feelings play out naturally, but, um. . .”
I threaded my fingers together. “But?” I finally asked.
He groaned.
My stomach dropped to the floor. He was breaking up with me. I wasn’t too surprised.
“I know my job hasn’t made things easy for us,” he said. “In fact, it’s been pretty awful. Which leads me to the news I have to share.” He reached over and squeezed my leg, then let go. “When I was applying for jobs after school, there was one in Missoula I wanted the most. I would be in my hometown, and it had the quickest path to becoming a partner at the clinic.”
My scalp prickled with unease.
“I never heard back from them. When the job in Kalispell offered me a position, I took it. It was the next best thing. And it hasn’t all been bad.”
I raised my brows. Hadn’t it though?
“Okay, most of it. Anyway”—he shook his head—“I got a phone call about a month ago from that clinic. After driving down for an interview, they called me yesterday to offer me the job.”
I fisted my hands against my tightened heart. “You’re taking it?” He, too, was leaving me for something bigger. Numbness crept up my arms and throughout my body.
“I am,” he confirmed softly. “This job is exactly what I want long-term, and I can’t deny the pull of being home.”
I should have tried harder to be exactly who he wanted. Maybe if I’d sacrificed more, he wouldn’t be moving away. Blake’s parting words—nobody will ever want you—rang too true. “I’m really happy for you, James. Not everyone gets their dream job.” Surprisingly, my words came out normal instead of warbled.
“I’m sorry, too. I wouldn’t have asked you out if I knew I’d be leaving soon.”
I reached out, putting my hand on top of his. “I’m excited you’re getting what you want.” Even if it wasn’t me. “When do you leave?”
“Five weeks.”
“I’m sure you’ll be super busy until you go.”
He brushed the hair off my cheek with his fingertips, tucking it behind my ear, then leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek. “I’ll miss you, Maren.” He stood and walked to the front door. He paused. “I wish you all the happiness in the world. You deserve it.”
“You do too.”
The door clicked closed. Tears filled my eyes as my heart cracked in half. Yet again, I wasn’t enough.
My alarm beeped next to my ear. I slapped the stop button, letting out a long, low groan. All I wanted to do was pull the covers back over my head.
But as my commitment to duty won out, I sat up in bed. Landon was right. We had to hire more help as soon as possible. I had pulled all-nighters in college here or there during finals. Consistently running on four to five hours of sleep the past few months, combined with last night’s emotional incineration, and my upcoming would-be wedding, had me dragged out and knocked down hard.
James’s face swam before my eyes. I pulled my pillow out from behind me, covered my face, and screamed. Why couldn’t he have broken up with me for some other reason? For him to leave the same way as Blake? Fate was cruel.
After Blake, Mom had all but ordered me to take my Celestron AstroMaster and spend a few days alone shooting photos of the Crescent Nebula. The time away, sleeping all day and staying up all night to capture as many photos as I could, helped immensely. I couldn’t do that this time around. I stumbled my way into the shower. Tears escaped while the rivulets of warm water washed them away.
What did I have to change about myself in order for somebody to love me? Mom may have said someone would want me as I was, but who? Where were they hiding?
“Hey.” Landon strolled into the kitchen.
“Today’s your day off. What are you doing down here?” I asked, putting the condiments back into our industrial-sized fridge.
He hopped on top of the stainless-steel counter across from me. “I came to check on the manager position. Any good leads yet?”
“Get down,” I scolded. “That’s a health code violation. And no. Everyone who has applied doesn’t have the experience we’re looking for. They’ve only worked at fast food joints or grocery stores.”
