Page 21 of Holly versus Mr. Ivy
I shut my computer down, ready to head home. Being here in the vacant restaurant with my nagging fears wasn’t helpful. The second I got home, despite the late hour and wanting to climb into bed, I changed into gym shorts and my tennis shoes. Putting on my boxing gloves, I pounded the bag hanging in front of me. Forty minutes later, I was mentally and physically exhausted and yet I had the energy to tackle my burdens. As long as nothing else came up, I’d be able to manage my symptoms.
Chapter 9
Rhett
Theweightsclangedtogetheras I dropped the suspension trainer I used to work my shoulder muscles. Bear sat in the corner of my basement, watching me with big, sad eyes. I’d finally cajoled him into eating this morning, but it had taken me sitting right next to his food bowl and soothingly running my hand down his back for him to finally chew the pebbles I’d poured.
Honestly, if it hadn’t been for Bear licking my palm as it hung off the side of my bed, I probably would have stayed asleep all day. It had finally dawned on me why I struggled so much lately. My mind remembered better than I had that a year ago Lexi had dumped me, and a year before that, Pops had passed away. My body, in an effort to protect itself from the pain, had fallen back into my old pattern of sleeping all the time in order to feel nothing.
As I rubbed Bear’s thick, white fur, I remembered how things had ended between Lexi and me. Every weekend when she’d wanted to go out on a date, I’d declined, choosing to sleep until I had to get to work. The second I’d gotten home from work, I crashed again, repeating the cycle.
When I slept, I didn’t feel the loss of Pop’s arm around my shoulder, telling me how proud he was of me. When I slept, I didn’t remember the spicy musk of his deodorant or the way his laugh always made me smile. When I slept, I didn’t remember that he wasn’t a phone call away anymore.
Jack was the one who visited and noticed my messy house and rumpled clothing. He’d made me go see my therapist, and I’d gotten on medicine again, which helped. Jack had known about my depression even when we were in high school. Admitting I needed help, that something was off, was hard. Thankfully, my best friend knew me well enough to recognize the signs. On more than one occasion, he’d rescued me by encouraging me to get help. It was why I’d do anything for him, including try to save his bakery and watch his dog. If only my ex had believed I could get better like Jack did. Instead, Lexi had ditched me faster than a worm-infested apple. I’d hoped as my girlfriend, she would want to help me the way Jack had. That she’d stay by my side while I worked on getting better.
My illness had been too much for her. The Lexi I’d first met was not the same as the one who broke up with me. She’d changed over the year we’d been together. At some point, her standards for every date we went on had become extravagant, like she was trying to prove to the world she was worth something because she wore designer clothes and went out to restaurants and clubs with months-long waiting lists.
At the time, I’d enjoyed living that lifestyle. I’d gotten caught up in the way she smiled when we walked into a room together. Or how she’d always kept a hand on me, claiming me. I’d felt like the luckiest guy in the world because this blonde bombshell had wanted me. Since she’d left, tearing me down on her way, I hadn’t had the capability to risk my heart like that again. She’d made me feel like I had no value as a human because of an illness I battled.
It was hard to find worth when the person I’d spent a year of my life with had ditched me the second I no longer suited her lifestyle. My chest hardened, protecting itself from the pain that always came whenever I thought of Lexi.
I did one last set of shoulder presses before running on my treadmill for three miles. Bear followed me up the stairs, almost making me trip when his leg collided with mine. “Back up a bit, man. I know you miss your dad, but making me fall won’t help.”
Bear responded by pressing his nose to my calf. Okay, then. With sweat dripping down my face and naked torso, I bent on one knee, wrapping both arms around Bear, scratching the sides of his belly. “He’ll be home soon. I promise.”
Bear’s warm body relaxed under my ministrations, and I swear my oxytocin levels increased, which in turn decreased some of the anxiety pressing on my chest. Hmm. Maybe it was time to get a dog of my own. I’d never had one because I wasn’t home often with my crazy work schedule. Maybe if I had a pet—since girlfriends werenotan option—it would force a balance between work and home life.
After showering and playing with Bear a little longer, I snatched my keys off the hook by the garage door, grabbed my laptop bag, and headed to The Boardwalk. Holly and I were planning the last details of the employee party.
I pulled into the parking lot next to Holly’s red car. My truck dwarfed her convertible. Funny how that was like us in person. I grinned as I pictured Holly letting her hair loose as she drove along the coast with the top of her car down, belting out lyrics to Taylor Swift songs. I didn’t even know if she was a Swiftie. Just the idea of the Holly I knew from work doing that made me laugh.
Standing outside the back entrance to The Boardwalk, I pasted on my smile and mentally prepared myself to be outgoing and friendly, ignoring the ever-present darkness and anxiety I’d experienced as of late. I yanked open the metal door that led to the hallway between my office and the kitchen. I made as much noise as possible so Holly wouldn’t dump her coffee all over herself again.
“Honey,” I called out, “I’m home! Where are you?”
Holly immediately spat back, “I am NOT your honey!”
Laughing, I peeked my head into her office. Holly sat behind her desk, a pen tucked behind her ear and an annoyed expression on her face.
I feigned offense. “And all this time, I thought there was something between us.”
She tilted her head to the side and shot me aReally?glare.
I pulled the strap of my leather laptop bag higher on my shoulder. “Aw, come now, Chef Dewhurst. If you tease back, life’s more fun.” And it helped lighten my mood. With Jack gone, I had to have someone to banter with to get my mind off my own issues.
She pulled the pen out from behind her ear. “It was a glitch.” She raised one shoulder, then dropped it.
“Are you Vanellope from Sugar Rush?”
She looked confused. “Who?”
How had she not seen that movie? As a grown man, I liked it, and I saw it without any children to coerce me into doing so. “Wreck It Ralph? The movie?”
She shook her head. “Not ringing a bell.”
I was affronted on behalf of Disney. “That’s it. We have to remedy that situation at once. When’s your next day off?”
She eyed me. “We”—she pointed between us—“don’thaveto do anything.”
