Page 82 of Holly versus Mr. Ivy
Rhett threw his arm around my shoulders. “Where will it be, milady?”
“Francesca’s. I’m craving lasagna.” I’d never quite mastered Italian food and was happy to enjoy authentic cuisine when I found it.
Rhett placed a hand on his stomach. “Cheese, carbs, and meat? Sounds like the perfect meal to me.”
“Even if I’m not the one making it?” I asked with raised brows.
“You’ll always be my favorite chef.”
Chapter 28
Rhett
Weplacedourorders,and suddenly Holly and I were alone in the booth at the restaurant.
After the chaos of the festival, it was like being at a rock concert and then stepping into a spa. The instrumental music playing was soft rather than loud. The temperature was pleasant, instead of freezing. The smell of garlic and tomato was rich, instead of sweet cinnamon roasted nuts. As much as I enjoyed this atmosphere, I was annoyed the Lampton Christmas festival hadn’t panned out.
It was December. We should be outside freezing our butts off with hot chocolate in our hands, watching kids dart around their parents, asking for every item they saw.
Resigned, I returned my focus on the person who mattered more than the setting. “Before caregiver Holly became a thing, what did you used to do besides read?”
She turned her head to the side to look at me. “Leave my books out of this,” she warned. I held my hands out in an innocent plea. “I’m just trying to get to know you better.”
Holly’s smile looked a little sad. “I hung out with my friends. Because of our mismatched work schedules, we’d usually only get together on Saturday mornings, but we’d shop, see movies, go out to eat, or head to the beach in the summer. But they stopped asking me to go out with them when I kept saying no to take care of my mom.”
But ifwewere out right now, why couldn’t Holly do that with her friends? “Because it became too much or you felt guilty you were out having fun while your mom was home sick?”
“Both, actually.”
“I get it. I just hope you can find a balance. You deserve a break before you get burned out.”
“I know.”
“Tell me about your exes.” Who had broken Holly’s heart in the past? Why had they let this amazing woman go? “Do you have a type? Didyouleavethem?”
She looked out the window. “My last serious relationship was in college ten years ago. I had a professor who took advantage of my mental state right after my break-up and molested me. It was really hard to learn to trust men after that.”
What?I clenched my fist. Someone assaulted Holly? What is wrong with some people? I draped an arm across her shoulders, squeezing her to my side. “I am so sorry you went through that. I’m disgusted beyond belief anyone would ever do that, but especially to you.”
Holly rubbed her nose with the back of her hand. “It was really hard to keep going to his class afterwards. That incident is a big reason why I didn’t date for years. Plus, my work schedule always makes it hard to go out or do the long-term thing. Before mom got sick, I tried, but nothing really went past a handful of dates. What about you? How many broken hearts have you left in your wake?”
My brows raised. “Why do you assume I’m the one who has broken off relationships and not the other way around?”
Holly whipped her gaze to mine, her jaw parted. “Are you seriously telling me someone broke up withyou?”
Her shock was amusing. The pain from Lexi leaving me had faded. And I was in a place now where I was grateful she had left me. But her reason for breaking up with me would always haunt me. It was also why I still hadn’t told Holly about what happened the night she’d driven me home. She’d taken care of me, but that had been just one incident. What about when my depression lasted days, weeks, months?“Believe it or not, yes, my last relationship ended because she broke up with me.”
“Why?” Holly asked, incredulous.
I rubbed the side of my neck, scared to tell Holly. But if I didn’t, our relationship wouldn’t be based on the truth. Holly deserved to know exactly what she was getting by dating me. I stared at the tabletop. “The night you took me home after my uncle came to the restaurant…I had an anxiety attack that triggered my depression.”
I rubbed my water glass between my hands. “I suffer from both. Anxiety and depression.
The first time it got bad was back in high school. My parents got me on medication and made me see a counselor. Since then, I’ve managed it, for the most part. But last summer and into the fall, I couldn’t seem to do the things I needed to in order to stay on top of my symptoms.”
The emptiness and feelings of worthlessness tugged at my consciousness. “I barely managed to go to work each day and put on my usual happy smile everyone expected of me. My girlfriend at the time, Lexi, got tired of me pushing off our dates. She loved going out and didn’t understand why Icouldn’tforce myself to take her out. Instead of trying to help me or support me, she dumped me.” And left a permanent scar on my heart.I can’t be with someone who isn’t mentally stable. Someone who isn’t whole. Goodbye, Rhett.
“I still have really bad days,” I continued. “With Jack’s heartbreaking loss, the stress of trying to reach our goal at the restaurant, my family arguing, and everything else, it’s been difficult lately. I never meant for you to have to take me home, but I was so overwhelmed with thoughts of doubt, of not being good enough, wondering why I even cared about anything when no one cared about me, that the act of getting myself home froze me.”
