Page 62 of Fall With Me
I bite my tongue and don’t risk placing a bet, since last time it backfired big time. But I can’t completely quell the smack talk, even with an eight-year-old. There’s definitely something wrong with me. Why can’t I relax and enjoy time spent with two amazing guys instead of my stomach tightening with every Draw Four card I get? How do I live in the moment without the fear of messing up making me always strive for perfection?
“Finn, what color do you have in your hand?” I ask nonchalantly, hoping he’ll tell me without thinking about why I’m asking.
Finn shakes his head. “I’m not falling for that trick.”
Dawson chuckles behind his handful of cards.
Drat. He’s too smart. “When this round is over, I need a potty break.” And a second to recenter myself. The next two games we play, I’ll chill. In fact, my goal will be to lose. Ooohhhh, that’s good. I can focus on a plan that doesn’t involve making an eight-year-old hate me at the end.
Win-win.
We finish the round quickly, Finn winning. He’s smiling and chatting about how he played his hand in order to beat Dawson and me. He’s cute, but there’s a building tightness in my chest. It won’t release itself until I come out on top.
Excusing myself, I go to the bathroom. Staring at myself in the mirror—yikes, I really need a shower—I give myself a stern talking to.
He’s a kid. His happiness is more important than your fear. Let it go.
With this mantra running through my head, I go back to the kitchen table.
“Finn wants to play Sequence next.”
I paste on a smile. “Great.”Youwilllose, Chloe. It’s okay, you’ll survive.
“What animal is your favorite?” Finn asks me as we shuffle and deal the cards.
“A cheetah. What’s yours?”
Dawson leans over, whispering in my ear. “Is that because you’re a cheater?”
I smack his shoulder. “I don’t need to cheat to win, B.”
“Giraffes,” Finn says. “Their tongues are blue! And they don’t really make a lot of noise like other animals.”
Do noises bother Finn? He loved playing with Champ. His reasoning for a quieter animal must be because they’re unique and not because he doesn’t like loud sounds.
“Have you been to the Hogle Zoo before?”
“No.” Finn shakes his head. “I’ve only been to one in Nashville.”
“We should go sometime.” I pick up my hand, fanning out my animal cards. I’d love the three of us to go, or if Dawson gets comfortable enough with me, maybe he’d let me take Finn myself. If Dawson wants this to be a lifelong commitment, Finn and I need one-on-one time to form our own bond.
“Can we, Dad?”
“Yeah, we can go before it gets too cold.”
Laying a card down, I place my blue chip on the corresponding spot on the board. “I’m excited. It’s been a really long time since I’ve been.”
Finn puts down his marker on the board. “My mom doesn’t like the zoo. She feels bad for the animals trapped in the tiny spaces.”
As loath as I am to admit it because I don’t like the woman, it is kind of sad to see the animals stuck in cages instead of out in the wild. At the same time, I remember going to the zoo for my fourth grade field trip. Seeing the bears, large cats, and elephants we’d been studying all year was magical. And the zookeeper told us how they were helping a bunch of the animals get better.
How do you balance a wonderful experience with animal rights?
I look at Dawson, pleading.Help me!
“If you don’t want to go, Finn, we’ll respect your wishes,” Dawson says.
I sag my shoulders, relieved Dawson answered but also sad we might not go together.
