Page 59 of The Perils of Pretending
Chapter 23
Sadie
Ireallydidn’tmindsharing a room with Max until this moment. I need time away from him to process that kiss, because HOLY. MOLY. My nerves are still tingling and I can barely talk because my mind is buzzing.
“I need to go to the bathroom,” I say the moment we walk inside the cabin. The door to the half-bath on the main floor is closed. Ugh, Brody and his bathroom habits. I leave Max and Mom behind and go straight up to the bathroom by our bedroom. I pace the small space from the toilet to the door, my stomach going haywire. What do I do about Max? Why did I like that kiss so much?
From his protecting me yesterday to the kiss today and all the little moments in between, the things I once found annoying aren’t maddening anymore. But Max works at a school. Of all the jobs in the world, why does he have to have the same one as Dad? My heart slams against my chest, making it hard to breathe.
I can’t live through the terror and trauma again. There’s no way I can get over my anxiety of someone else I love being killed by a shooter like Dad was.
How do I live every day with the fear that Max might not make it home? How can I like someone who will put others first without considering what that does for the family they leave behind? Being with someone who would naturally be a hero comes with risks—leaving those he loves in shambles while all the people he saved get to be together.
The pain in my chest rips open like stitches on an unhealed wound. Tears stream down my hot cheeks. The pit in my stomach is as big as the Great Pyramids. I wrap my arms around myself as all the painful feelings and memories return like it happened last week and not twelve years ago. The number of cards, calls, and emails we received after Dad put his own life on the line served as a reminder that everyone else got their happily ever after and got to kiss and hug their loved ones after the shooting. I never get to do the same.
Breathe, Sadie. You’re getting ahead of yourself.
Just because I liked the kiss doesn’t mean that Max did.
We never should have kissed. We messed up the good friendship we had going.
I text my cousin group because I need help.
So.... Max and I just kissed, and I didn’t hate it.
Dani
What?!? DETAILS! We need details!
Poppy
On purpose?
Avery
I mean, it doesn’t sound like you’re super excited, so maybe be careful?
Chloe
I’m with Dani—spill the tea!
Here’s what happened... Yesterday, Dorian (the guy who Grandma Alice wants me to marry) cornered me in the women’s bathroom! Max came to my rescue right away. Today, Grandma and Dorian started following us. Max kissed me to get them to leave us alone, but you guys...thatkiss [fire emoji] I’ve NEVER been kissed like that before. What do I do? I’m starting to like him. But this is annoying, conceited Max, and he works at a school. Help!
I tap my phone against my palm, waiting for their advice to trickle in. The second my phone pings, I pull up the messages, devouring their words like whatever they say is gospel.
Poppy
I’ve always kinda liked Max (sorry!) so I say stay open to something happening. And on the plus side, think about what it will do to Grandma Alice. She’s not used to having her plans foiled.
Chloe
You should never ignore a kiss like that! Try it again just to be sure [wink face emoji]
Dani
Kiss again! It’s for science! [wink face emoji]
All right! I get your point. If the opportunity presents itself, per your advice, I will not turn down a second opportunity to collect information.
