Page 80 of The Perils of Pretending
I whimper like a puppy sad its owner stopped petting it. I should shove him away regardless of Dorian. The deeper the connection I make, the harder things will be when I get home. This morning proved it, with how sad I was that Brody ruined me seeing Max open his present. I’m already falling for him and I know it will only lead to heartbreak if I allow my emotional connection to Max to strengthen. I have to find a way to remind myself this is fake. Ugh. Why can’t I let logic lead instead of getting caught up in sweet moments with Max?
I need to protect myself, I know this, but the rational part of my brain is on a lunch break and my heart has fully taken control. “You may have made a dent on proving your point, but we should probably continue until I’m one hundred percent on board.”
Max chuckles. “I will later. I don’t want us to miss any whale sightings.”
I sigh, completely put out. Sure, our tour today’s been amazing, but at this moment, I’d rather keep kissing Max. My brain clocks back in, reminding me that some space from his mouth is for the best and that I’m here because of Dad. “All right.” I turn, facing the water instead of Max.
“Do you think you could ever live here and run a homestead?”
“No, thank you,” Dorian says like the mere thought is beneath him.
I answer Max. “Nope. I can’t even keep plants in my apartment alive. Having to focus all my time and attention to live off the land and not do my job that I love is a no-go for me. What about you?”
“Dreamer Max is all in, ready for the adventure. Practical Max would miss the convenience of getting everything from the store.”
I’d accuse him of being scared of hard work, but I know from Dad that being a principal isn’t easy. Besides, I’m not willing to put in the effort either. For once, I don’t care to razz Max about something. What is happening to me? Am I turning completely soft when it comes to him? “Yeah, I’m more of a city girl.”
“Are you not a camper then?”
“Will I camp? Yes. Do I prefer it over a comfy hotel room? No.” I keep my gaze on the sea, trying to find more movement.
“Fair enough.” Max taps his thumb on top of my knee. “If you only had a year left to live, what would you want to do before you died?”
“That’s a morbid question.” Why is he thinking of dying? “Are you planning to push me overboard?”
Max kisses my temple. “Never. You’re too important to me.”
My heart melts like peanut butter on toast. I’m loving this tender side of him, but where has snarky Max gone and when is he returning? When we’re home and no longer together? I never thought I’d say this, but I miss his cockiness a tiny bit. How can I get this sweet side with a dash of snark to stick around forever?
“Aww, thanks babe. I feel the same way.” I give him a quick peck on the lips. “I don’t like thinking about my life ending.” Not with how Dad died. “What would you do with your last year?”
“This trip has taught me that I want to see more of the world. I’d sell everything I own and travel as much as possible with my family.”
What would it have been like to spend three hundred and sixty-five days with Dad, knowing at the end of it, he’d be gone? Is it better for theend of his life to come unexpectedly or to plan for it? Either way would be difficult. Good thing I’m not the one who has to decide. “I like that plan. Where would you explore first?”
“That is a question I don’t have the answer to.”
I get it. The world is a big place. It’s hard to prioritize destinations when you want to go everywhere. “If you chose a destination based on food, where would it be?’
“Italy for me!” Dorian says. “Oh hey, there’s an orca!”
A mommy and her baby briefly break the surface. The mom jumps, water spraying around her. They look adorable swimming around, playing. What does their skin feel like? What would it be like to survive in the frigid water?
I let out a sigh of impatience. “I can’t even enjoy the whales because he keeps following us. It’ssoannoying.”
“Listen, man,” Max turns around, addressing Dorian, “it’s weird that you keep inserting yourself into our conversation. We’ve made it quite clear Sadie isn’t interested in you. Please, leave us alone.”
“I can’t.”
“You can,” I say.
Dorian leans behind Max, looking at me. “There are some things I need to explain to you and then maybe you’ll understand.”
I throw an arm out to the side. “Then tell me.”
Dorian jerks his head in Max’s direction. “Without him.”
We’re stuck in a recurring nightmare. Haven’t we had this exact same conversation with Dorian and Grandma multiple times now? “No, thank you.” I take Max’s hand. “Come on, let’s go get a drink. Without Dorian.”
