Page 81 of The Perils of Pretending
“With pleasure,” Max says, following me.
“Thank you for saying something. I was doing my best to ignore him.”
Max squeezes my hand. “I know and you were doing a fabulous job. I had had enough.”
We grab bottles of water from the cooler. “You’re saying you have limits to your patience level? I never thought I’d see the day,” I say, acting shocked.
“Consider yourself lucky.” He smirks.
Funny that last week I didn’t even want to sit by him and now all I want is to be with him. “I do.”
Chapter 29
Sadie
I’veunleashedamonsterwithin me. One who is playing with Max’s emotions and ignoring the fact that we have no future. I can’t stop touching him. Kissing him. We’ve exchanged pecks here and there throughout the day in front of my family, but the past three nights, we’ve met on the porch and made out like two teens about to move away for college and never see each other again.
It’s exciting and fun. The more time I spend getting to know little details about Max, the more I like him. His career is in the back of my mind, but I keep doing my best to ignore it. For now, this routine of ours is what I look forward to every night and tonight is no exception. There’s only one person I want to be with right now, and it isn’t someone I’m related to.
I just got out of the shower to get the fish smell off of me. Earlier today, we went deep-sea fishing for halibut and salmon. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Everyone around me caught plenty. Just like the last time Dad took me to Strawberry Reservoir, my pole didn’t get a single bite on it. Thankfully, between Mom, Brody, and Max we have plenty to ship home. But why can’t I catch anything?
Wet hair hanging loose to air dry before I curl it, I walk over to the dresser to where my list is and cross off deep-sea fishing. Maybe I didn’t catch anything in tribute to the memory of my last time fishing with Dad. It would have been exciting to catch something today, but it makes me chuckle to think that not catching a fish is what connects me to Dadbetter. I stare for a moment at the last item on the list. “The talk.” Oh, what I would give to talk to Dad again aboutanything.If he hadn’t died, would we be super close? Would anything be awkward to talk about? Could I talk to him about my feelings for Max and the confusion strangling me? But then…if Dad was here, I wouldn’t have a fear about school principals sacrificing life and family to be a hero. Nothing would keep me from cruising right into Max’s life, no fears aboard…
But Dad isn’t here. The best option for talking this out is through Cheaper Than Therapy. I sit on my bed to update my cousin group about Max, waiting for midnight to roll around. I can’t decide if I should let tonight follow the same pattern as the last few nights where we talk for a little bit and then kiss, or if I should let Max know my feelings have changed and I want to see what we could be for real but I’m scared, or tell him we need to stop because once we get home, we won’t be “together” anymore. I really need advice.
Information has been gathered (I was very thorough). It doesn’t matter how many times I kiss Max, it’s PHENOMENAL every time. He’s not nearly as annoying to me anymore either. I like him. A lot. But his job. Ugh. I’m still hung up on it. Any words of wisdom for me?
Avery
Don’t bother. He’ll either die or dump you.
Avery’s broken engagement is making her more cynical, but maybe that’s what I need. A reality check for my situation. Max did say he’s never been dumped. Avery’s right. This ends with him dumping me or dying. I don’t like either option.
Poppy
Avery? Does someone need a hug?
Avery does need a hug. Can you arrange that, Poppy? Great. Now, let’s focus on me for a sec, please! I desperately need your help here.
Poppy
I know it’s not what you want to hear, sis, but I think you need to deal with this fear you have. Eventually, you’ll have kids (either with Max or someone else) and they will have to go to school. Maybe Max is the guy to help you move through this. But either way, I love ya and I’m here for you!
Chloe
I’ve learned recently that making decisions in fear keeps us from experiencing the best things! You’ve got this [hype hands emoji]
Dani
Be brave, Sadie! You’ve got this!
Lucy
Avery, coming over now for that hug. Sadie, I think you need a hug too and I’m sorry you’re so far away. I can’t imagine how scary it must be to fall for someone with the same job your dad had, but I do know that love heals and builds… And if you think that’s where you’re headed with Max…I say it’s worth it [heart emoji]
Avery
I really don’t need a hug...
