Page 82 of The Perils of Pretending
Poppy
Everybodyneeds hugs…
Dani
She totally needs a hug! One of the extra squishy ones that makes it hard to breathe.
YES!!! [hype hands emoji] Let's get Avery the squishiest hug ever! And I'm accepting all your virtual hugs. [pink heart emoji] Thank you!
Avery
I’M FINE. Sadie’s the one who needs a hug! Obviously. [gif of Emperor Kuzco telling Kronk “No Touchy!”]
Dani
[gif of someone with a foam finger poking another person and saying “Boop!”]
I laugh at the exchange. This is just like my cousins. Avery telling everyone to leave her alone, no one else listening to her because she really does need support right now. I wish they were in Homer with me.
I read through the advice for myself again. Face my fear. Let love build and heal.
Oh boy.
I don’t even know where to start. Thank goodness we have Wi-Fi. I search online for tips to face my fear. Answers include starting small, setting realistic goals, using mindfulness techniques, seeking support, exposure therapy, and challenging negative thoughts. In theory it sounds easy, but I’m overwhelmed. How do I begin? Trusting that if Max and I are together, he’ll be okay? Making him check in with me every few hours at work? Not burdening him with it at all?
No, I don’t like that idea. Max needs to know how I feel in order for us to have honest and open communication. I’m not one to pretend I’mokay when I’m not. Keeping things hidden isn’t something my face is capable of.
I’ll start small. Tonight, I’ll tell Max his job scares me and even if we’re not dating, just me knowing him as well as I do now, makes me terrified for him. Saying it out loud, acknowledging and sharing my fear, is step one.
I curl my hair, floss, and brush my teeth, waiting for midnight to roll around. I check the clock. Ugh, I still have forty minutes before going down to meet Max. I could just text him, but I love that we know to meet without having to say anything. Grabbing my laptop, I check my work email. There are a few things waiting for my attention when I get home, but the most pressing is an email from Avery to Dani with me copied. When Avery emails us instead of texting, we know she has her business hat on and we need to take her seriously.
Dear Dani,
I’m happy to hear you arrived in Oregon safely. Please keep in mind, this writing retreat isn’t meant to be a vacation. Your first draft is due by the end of August. There are no extensions on this manuscript. We want to keep momentum going for the second book and in order to do so, we MUST stick to our timeline.
I’m available if you need me. Sadie’s a great resource, too, so please ask her for help.
We’re here for you and wish you all the best,
Avery
P.S. I’m serious about the deadline.
Shoot. I’ve been a terrible cousin, bestie, and editor to Dani while I’ve been here. I haven’t checked in to see how her writing retreat in Oregon is going or if she needs to chat. It’s too late to text her now. I add an alerton my phone to contact her tomorrow. Avery’s right, we need to keep the exposure for the second book as high as possible and that won’t happen if we don’t meet the deadlines Avery has in place.
I love my job, but this puts a damper on my mood. Soon, I’ll be back to work. I’ll miss the beach, trees, tall mountains, the eagles, Captain Big Rack, fun activities every day, the food, the cooler temperature. Being with Max all day.
I can’t believe we have only two more days until we fly home. The berry picking, whale watching, kayaking, bear viewing, hiking, Argo tour, and game days have flown by. Only one day to explore downtown Homer. We leave the day after that. I’m dreading going back to my boring, lonely life away from this magical land with my moose bodyguard and hot fake boyfriend.
Snapping my laptop shut, I grab a blanket and Max’s strawberry shortcake, and head down to the porch. I’m not home yet. The next twenty-four hours are for me to tell Max how I’m feeling and if we have a future together as more than people who know each other because of Brody.
Chapter 30
Max
Sadie’salreadyontheporch wrapped in a white comforter with green pine trees all over it. She looks adorable and warm. Lucky me, I get to be the one who shares the blanket with her.
It’s going to suck not having this view to keep me company every night. Between Sadie in the chair and the sky that never truly gets dark, the gentle lap of the waves, Captain Big Rack’s grunts, and the smell of pine and salt, my house will be lonelier than ever.
