Page 83 of The Perils of Pretending
“Hello, Princess.” I sit in my usual chair, as close to Sadie as I can possibly be. If Brody sees us like this, he’ll have a cow. I won’t risk my friendship with him, but I really, really like Sadie. Brody won’t deny me my happiness, right?
She smiles at me like I’m the moon to her stars. “Hey, babe. How was your shower?”
“Relaxing.” And very much needed. I had fish guts all over my shirt and hands. “How was yours?”
“Same.” Sadie hands me a cardboard to-go container and a fork. “This is for you. I hope you’ve had a good birthday.”
I open the flaps of the box. Inside is a white cake with whipped cream and strawberries on top. She really didn’t need to do this. She already got me the muffin and book. “It’s been one of the best birthdays I’ve had.”
Sadie smiles. “Good.”
I set the box on the small round table beside me. “Are you okay if I save that for tomorrow? I brushed myteeth already.”
“Absolutely. It’s your cake. Eat it whenever you want.”
“Thank you. Are you ready to head home soon?” I’m looking forward to my soft bed, but that’s about it. Besides Dorian and Sadie’s crazy grandma, this vacation’s been a lot of fun.
Sadie readjusts the blanket until we’re both under the warm covers. She grabs my hand, holding on tight. I’m going to miss this. Kissing her, yes, but more, someone to talk to each day, laugh with, hold. I want to ask her to be my girlfriend, but I know that Sadie doesn’t want me because of my job. We have one more day in Homer. If I ask her if there’s the slightest possibility of her ever changing her mind, will it ruin our last day together? Should I wait until we’re home?
She blows out a breath. “Not at all. I love it here.”
“I feel the same.” I don’t want to be separated from her. It’s hard to believe how my feelings toward her have changed in the last few days, but I’m almost certain I’m falling in love with her. She’s unlike anyone I’ve ever dated before. She’s funny, easy to talk to, gorgeous, brave, loyal, supportive, and smart. She’s who I’ve been waiting for.
Sadie shifts in her chair, facing me. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“How do you deal with the possible threat of a school shooting every day? Aren’t you exhausted living on high alert all the time?”
Her question catches me off guard. I’m not sure why. Her biggest issue with me, besides my confidence, is my job. “Actually, the only time I think about it is when we have drills or we get notice of a threat—which is rare.”
Her brows furrow. “Really? I thought it would be in the back of your mind at all times.”
I shake my head. “It’s not. I focus on what’s happening that day. Where I’m needed, how I can help my staff and students.”
Her voice is small. “How do I channel some of your strength and the ability to ignore potentially dangerous situations?”
I wish I had a magic cure to give her. “How do you get on a plane? Or drive anywhere? Don’t those situations freak you out?”
Her head tilts to the side. I’ve learned it’s Sadie’s thinking face. “I don’t know. I learned how dangerous cars can be during driver’s ed, but I guess I don’t think about it when I get behind the wheel. I just focus on what’s happening around me and pray I make it where I need to go safely.”
“It’s no different for me when I go to work. So, I guess that’s the answer? You pray and trust that everything will be okay.”
Sadie sniffles. “I wish it were that easy. Every time I think about you at the school, I picture my dad in his casket.”
My heart cracks. “Come here.” I pull her onto my lap, rubbing soothing circles on her back. “I haven’t looked up the statistics, but I’m pretty sure there are thousands of other ways to die that have higher chances than a school shooting. I wish it hadn’t happened to you. I don’t like that you’ve had to deal with that pain. But life is full of unknowns. You can focus on the what ifs and live in fear, or you can acknowledge that something might happen, but drive all your energy into making memories and living life to the fullest.”
“It scares me. Something happening to you.”
Two weeks ago, I’d feel sad and heartbroken on behalf of Brody if something ever happened to Sadie. Now? My life would never be the same. It’s different allowing myself to love and care for someone that much. But now that I know this feeling, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I choose love knowing I might not have it the rest of my life rather than not having love in my life at all.
I bury my head in Sadie’s neck, squeezing her tight. Her shampoo is extra strong right now. I don’t think I’ll ever stop associating Sadie with peaches. “I know. The feeling is mutual. I don’t know what I’d do if you were taken away from me. But are we going to give in to that worry or live for the moment?”
“I want to say live, but I can’t promise I won’t have moments when the fear creeps in.”
“As long as it’s not controllinghowyou live, I think it’s okay.”
Sadie kisses my temple. Like a trickling waterfall in a stream, warmth flows into my body, pooling in my chest.
