Page 204 of The Nanny and the Beefcake
At the mention of the game, Silas’s sneering, smug face flashed before his eyes.
He kneeled. “I’m sorry, Sebastian. You see, Aug and I need to go.”
Confusion marred his son’s expression. “Where do you have to go with Augie?”
Every pair of eyes in the barn bore into him. He could feel their disappointment, but the weight of judgment didn’t hold a candle to the crushing doubt closing in on him from all sides.
“I need to leave to train with Aug. You know how important this fight is, right, mate? It’s less than a week away. You understand that your mum would want me to win, so I need to make sure I do everything I can.”
“Do you want to do the Chicken Dance before you go? We did it at camp. It’s loads of fun,” the boy offered, trying to brighten his spirits.
His son so desperately wanted him to be happy. And he would be—after he won.
He kept his emotions in check. “No, Sebastian, I’m sorry, lad. I can’t.”
“Yeah, all right,” the boy said, putting on a brave face. “But you haven’t opened your present yet. The one I have for you. I wrapped it myself.”
“It’s not my birthday, Sebastian.”
The lad’s smile returned. “I know, but I made it for you, and I finished it at camp while you and Mibby were gone.”
It would have been easier if the boy had cried or thrown a fit. His kindness was like a knife twisting in his heart. He’d be the father Sebastian deserved—the man Mere sacrificed for him to be—after the fight.
After the fight.
“How about you save it for me? You could give it to me as a present for winning. We can do the Chicken Dance, too,” he said, the words tasting more like defeat than victory.
“But you might want the present now because—” the boy began, but he cut him off. He could take it.
“I promise, Sebastian, I’ll open it right after I win. I need to go, but believe me when I tell you, I promise I’ll never have to leave another one of your parties early again. This is a special situation.”
Sebastian smiled up at him with those aquamarine eyes, Meredith’s eyes, welling with adoration. “Dad, don’t feel bad. I’m happy you made it to my donkey party. Remember, last year you couldn’t come to my birthday, and the year before that, you were training, too.”
He nodded, emotion thickening in his throat. He’d do better. He would, right?
“I appreciate your understanding, lad.” He stood, hating himself, but not knowing what else to do.
“Take Mum with you,” the boy said, reaching into his pocket and removing the watch. “And Libby’s special gemstone, too. You can rub it before bed when you think about a time when you were truly happy,” he added, placing the items onto his palm.
How much more could he take?
“Thank you.” Willing his hand not to shake, he unzipped his pocket, slid the items inside, then felt the box. He looked up and caught Libby’s eye. The heartbreak in her gaze was another twist of the knife in his heart.
This isn’t what he wanted. But it was what he had to do.
He turned to go, but Sebastian tugged on his hoodie’s sleeve.
“Isn’t Mibby going with you? She’s your trainer, too. And don’t you need Beefcake? He’s your running buddy.”
What was he supposed to say?
“I’ll get that sorted. Join your friends and your aunties. It looks like they’re ready to play,” he said instead of answering.
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Aug asked.
“Yeah,” he answered, then peered at Libby. Her friends had encircled her and delivered a round of eye daggers his way.
“I’m going to talk to Luanne, then I’ll meet you at my car,” Augie said, sliding the toothpick back in place.
