Page 205 of The Nanny and the Beefcake
Raz steadied himself. After he won, he’d fix everything. He’d do better. He’d be better.
“Libby, can I speak with you for a minute—outside?”
For what felt like the millionth time, all eyes were on him as he gestured toward the path. The rain had let up some, but it was still coming down in a slight drizzle. The green of the mountain looked brighter, like the earth was ready to burst at the seams, or maybe that was him, coming apart.
She stopped a few paces from the barn then turned on her heel, amber eyes blazing. “I hope you’re not about to make me a promise.”
Twist.
It would be a miracle if he had any heart left.
“You heard that?” he said, staring at the ground as the “Chicken Dance” song drifted from the barn.
“Why are you doing this, Raz?”
Her words tore at his soul.
“You were there, plum. You saw me swing and miss.”
“That wasn’t you, Raz. That wasn’t the controlled, targeted energy I feel when we train together. You let your emotions get the better of you. I sensed it. Your aura went red. It was like you ignored your chi and—”
“It’s not my chi or my energy or a bloody aura,” he interrupted, ready to break. “I have five days. Five bloody days!” He held her hands. “It’ll be like I promised you in Moloka’i. I love you. I want to be with you.”
“But after you win,” she supplied.
“You know why I have to do this.”
“Actually, I don’t know that, Raz. And while I’m furious with you, I’m more upset with myself.”
“For what?”
She looked him dead in the eyes. “For believing you. What happens if you lose?”
Twist.
“What do you mean?” he asked, flicking his gaze away.
“What happens if you lose, Erasmus?” she asked, holding her ground. “Will you pack up and go back to London?”
His thoughts spiraled. Meredith, Silas, Libby, Sebastian. Their faces came at him as the walls of doubt caved in.
“I don’t know. I can’t let myself go there.”
“What about your fight is my fight?” she bit out.
It killed him to hear her say those words.
“This isn’t your fight, plum. It’s mine.”
She shook her head. “What happens to us if you lose? I’m not an idiot, Raz. I get that you don’t want me to come with you to train. So, what happens if it all goes south? Will you blame me and Pun-chi yoga?”
“Libby, plum, this fight is everything. Once I win, it’ll be us—you, me, and Sebastian. We’ll be happy,” he said, taking a step closer when his foot bumped something.
Not something.
One of Sebastian’s rock stacks. The stack that signaled the right path now sat scattered on the ground.
She pulled her hands from his grasp and stared at the stones. “You sound like my father.”
