Page 168 of Always Meant for You
Trust.
The word drifts between the branches, then sinks into the earth, taking root beside our willow tree.
And this is the shift.
I feel it.
We’ve run from each other. But not this time. This time, we face what’s hard. We stay.
I move off his lap and sit to face him, gathering strength. “Bella Mae is the reason I had to come home.”
“Because of the binder of your fashion ideas and travel dreams?” he asks.
“It became more than that.”
“What did it become?”
“A lifestyle brand with hundreds of thousands of followers. Bella Mae was a person I created. She was everything I wasn’t. A trust fund baby. Jet-setting. Fabulous. I built up her image online. I faked everything. I edited photos. I made it seem like Bella Mae traveled the world and wore vintage couture clothing. It got big. I nearly signed with an agency. They wanted to connect Bella Mae with designers and products. I could have made a lot of money.”
“Why didn’t the deal go through?” There’s no judgment in his tone.
I exhale a heavy breath. “They found out who I really was. Someone who calls themselves the Castle King online exposed me. They posted my real name and said I was a girl from a farm in Illinois. I lost everything. I was already in over my head. I’d maxed out credit cards pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I ran out of money. I let down a friend,” I say, thinking of Lily. I shrug. “I had nothing left.”
“You thought I exposed you?”
I hear the pain in his voice.
I shake my head. “No. I overreacted when you mentioned Bella Mae. But you have to understand, I hid that binder from everyone—even Jamie. Sure, I’d carry it in my backpack from time to time and have it with me at the diner, but I was careful. I don’t know who could have made the connection.”
He nods. “Why’d you feel like you had to be someone else?”
And there’s the question that cuts right to the quick.
I look at the tree. “I’ve wanted to be someone else since I was thirteen. Since the day you left me here, I’ve chased a version of myself I thought you might want. Bella Mae started in this spot. I kept thinking, if I looked like the older girls, if I dressed better, maybe you’d see me. But the more I tried to be pretty, the harder you looked away. Still, somewhere in there, I realized that I liked fashion. I learned about designers, about what goes into each piece, the symbolism, the culture, the sacrifice. I researched different cities and different perspectives. What started out as a way to try to matter to you gave me purpose beyond you.” I pause and chuckle.
“What is it?”
“You’re the reason I found fashion, found my passion. I never thought of it like that. But I need to ask you something I can’t figure out.”
“Okay,” he says softly.
“Why did you run away from me? Why did you act like I didn’t exist after that day?”
He looks down. He’s quiet for a beat before meeting my gaze. “I wanted to tell you the truth that day. It hit me like a lightning bolt, like a revelation.”
“What was it?”
He takes both my hands in his. “I always cared about you, Mabel. But at that moment, I knew I wasin lovewith you.”
“In love with me?” I whisper.
“I looked at you with rain on your cheeks and those blue eyes shining up at me. And a switch flipped. I saw . . .you. You were all fire and feelings, standing there in the storm. I couldn’t stop thinking how beautiful you were. You were looking at me like you were seeing me differently. And for the space of a breath, you were mine. All mine. I saw a part of you that I knew—I just knew—was always meant for me. That terrified me, and I ran.”
“Why?” I breathe.
“Because if I stayed, I would have told you. And I wasn’t ready to carry what that meant. I couldn’t. What would your brother think? Your father? You were only thirteen. I thought, if I could ignore you and pause how I felt or quiet the feelings, I could wait until you were older. But I never stopped loving you.”
“Why didn’t you say anything when I turned eighteen? I was an adult.”
