Page 105 of Collateral Damage
He wraps me in a hug, and I melt into him, relieved to be exactly where I want to be and also totally turned on, wicked fantasies flashing through my mind. What would it be like to be held by him like this, but in a different way? Our naked bodies clinging to each other as we tease out the pleasure we both deserve?
He lays a soft kiss on the top of my head. “We’re finally friends again,” he whispers reverently against my hair as if in prayer. “What happened doesn’t have to change us, right?”
“It doesn’t. I promise.”
And I promise it won’t if we keep following our desires, even though I’m not sure that’s a promise either of us can keep.
“Good. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
My heart sinks.
He steps away, leaving too much space, and despite the warm July night, I’m suddenly cold. I nod numbly, wishing I wasn’t so confused by this man. I hoped we were on the same page, that we wanted to take our relationship to the next level, but maybethat’s not possible for us. Maybe if we did more together, we’d want more together, and someone would get hurt.
I’m pretty sure I’d want more, and that’s terrifying. And risky.
He must know that, and this is his way of letting me down gently.
“Have a good night, Cooper,” I say with a big, fake smile, and then I get in the car, and I drive home in disappointed silence.
Forty-Four
Cooper
Past - Age 26
Nothing makes me more nostalgic than the scent of the ocean drifting on salty morning air, my feet in the water, and the sun on my shoulders. Ethan and I are on the water, straddling our boards and waiting for the next wave to come in. For the first time in weeks, I feel at peace. This place, this beach, this water… they hold so many memories. From our time spent here as a family since we were children, to picnics on the beach with Mom, to playing in the surf with our friends, and even falling for the wrong girl.
Two women have been occupying my thoughts recently: Sybil and Mom. Losing them will never stop hurting.
Admittedly, this hasn’t been the best surfing trip. The waves are too mellow. Right now, we’re not bothered. We’re both too lost in our thoughts.
I’m sure his are similar to mine. He misses his girl. Misses our mother. Say what you will about the mess she left behind, Mom wasn’t a bad person, and she was agreatmother. She wasalways there for us, always pushing us to be better people. She knew how to really listen and not just talk at our problems. Not a lot of people have that skill.
Sometimes I miss her so much it physically hurts.
And Sybil? Well, the girl I used to love is long gone.
Ethan seems as troubled as I am. I can see it in his face, the swirl of frustration underneath every interaction. I don’t blame him; they were good together, but it’s been years. I guess that proves they really were something special. If things didn’t fall apart back then, they’d be married.
“Are you okay?” I ask, breaking him from his thoughts.
I don’t expect him to give me an honest answer, but I need him to know I’ve got his back.
He releases a long sigh, regret clear as day in his storm-cloud eyes.Fuck, I’ve never seen him this bad.
He shakes his head, but no words pass his lips.
“I won’t ask you to explain,” I say carefully, “but can I guess why?”
He lifts a shoulder. “Do your best.”
Water laps at our legs and ignored waves push us closer to shore.
“I’d say seeing Sybil again has thrown you off your game.”
He grumbles, gazing out to shore.
“I want you to know I’m here for you if you need to talk.”
