Page 148 of Collateral Damage
I’m completely at a loss. “What did I do?”
He shakes his head. “Wow, really?”
My mouth falls open. Is this what being gaslit feels like?
“Look, you need to talk to Cooper about this.”
I stand up, my arms folded over my chest and blood whooshing in my eardrums. I don’t think I’veeverfelt more frustrated. “I’m sick of all this cryptic shit. It would be really nice if someone would be straight with me.”
Perry tilts his head up. “Fine. You really want to do this?”
“Obviously.”
“Youtold your dad about Arden and Ethan.Youset off his temper. Maybe it doesn’t make sense, but Cooper didn’t have anyone left alive to be mad at for losing his leg, so he blamed you.”
The weight of his words crashes down on me. I never even considered the idea that Cooper would blame me for his leg. Not once did he say a word about it.
“I’m sorry,” Perry continues. “It’s not fair or logical to blame you for your father’s actions, but I was with him during recovery, and he wasn’t in a good headspace. It messed with his psyche, but you wouldn’t know that, because you never came to check on him.”
A decision I still regret.
Tears blur my vision, and Perry pushes to his feet. I don’t know what to say or think or even feel. I never imagined my mistakes would cost me so much—my legacy with Laurence International, but more importantly… my heart.
“I’m going to leave now.” Perry steps back. “You and Cooper should talk about everything. If it’s any consolation, I think he loves you.”
Even though he also hates me? No, that’s not any consolation.
Perry leaves me with a storm of emotions. I’m angry, devastated, ashamed, frustrated, but most of all, I’m completely heartbroken. I can’t simply turn my feelings off, and I’m still hopelessly, desperately in love with Cooper. But there’s a part of him who hates me enough to hurt me like this, so there’s no way he’s hopelessly, desperately, in love with me, too. That’s not love.
I crawl into bed, letting the minutes turn into hours, feeling my emotions so I can begin to process them.
I should call my mom, and I will call my therapist, and eventually, Cooper and I will have to talk, but right now, all I can do is pick apart every tiny detail about the accident. Even though the pain of losing Dad is fresh, the memories are hazy.
I force myself to replay those moments again and again, trying to resurface anything I might have missed, hoping to see things from Cooper’s point of view.
The whole family was out on Dad’s boat. There was a gorgeous pink sunset, and the Nantucket sound was lappinggently at the boat. Dad asked Arden if she’s been talking to the Kings.
“She’s been doing a lot more than talking,” I said.
I didn’t understand why Dad had lost his temper so badly. I realize now he was trying to hide his deep, dark, shameful secret—he was Arden’s birth father.
Did Dad drive into them on purpose?
When I play it back, I remember the way Dad swerved at the last second, but he lost control. I really think he was trying to scare Ethan away from Arden. He never would’ve wanted to hurt anyone.
The moments after the boat crash are still murky, and I’ve let them stay that way.
I force myself to clear the details, let them hit me as hard as they did that day. Tears stream down my face and leak into my ears.
Dad hit Cooper.
Arden flew overboard.
Ethan went after her.
Cooper was in the water, and nobody could find him.
Dad and Ethan went in to look for him, and Ethan got him out.
