Page 17 of Collateral Damage
“Fuck my life,” I whisper, regret thick and cock still pulsing. Having her on top of me like that, her body ready? It might have been the most alive I’ve ever felt. I’m wracked with so many emotions—jealousy and guilt and longing, but most of all, self-loathing.
This is too hard. I don’t know how to not want her.
The only things that have helped are sleeping around and booze. I know that’s hardly healthy, but it’s my only reprieve, even if it’s a temporary one. Because wherever I go, there she is, corroding my walls, finding a way to make herself known.
I even talked to my dad about transferring during the holiday break, but I couldn’t give him the real reason. Told him I thought it would be good for me to switch to a different Ivy and gain some independence. He didn’t go for it. Dad’s crimson through and through. In his mind, it’s Harvard or bust.
I return to bed and try to sleep, but eventually morning comes. The couple next to me wake up, unaware of what happened. I eye Sybil, but she seems to have no recollection of crawling into my bed and grinding on me.
“Do you know what you did last night?” I ask over breakfast, my tone teasing as I’m inwardly chastising myself for being an idiot.
But I must know if she remembers.
She plops a purple grape into her mouth, lips scrunching around it as she contemplates and swallows. “I mean, we drank too much, but I don’t remember a lot after we left the party. I assume we all crashed?”
Ethan rubs at his temples, clearing a hangover. I’m nursing one, too—a Sybil hangover.
“Just tell us,” Ethan says.
Sybil gazes between us curiously, her eyes rounding as she drums a restless rhythm against the cafeteria table. “Yeah, what happened?”
“Whelp, you got up in the night to use the bathroom, but when you came back, you climbed into bed with me.” I waggle my eyebrows. Like this is all hilarious.
They both stare, Sybil with her mouth open and heat blooming across her cheeks and into her hairline. A muscle ticks in Ethan’s jaw.
Trying to make this lighter, I wink. “I always knew you wanted me.”
The silence about kills me, but Ethan finally rolls his eyes, and Sybil shakes her head, an expression of genuine confusion marking her face. “I’m so sorry. Shit, did I?” Her voice trails off as she wracks her brain.
“Didn’t know you thought of me like that, Valentine. Not that I blame you. Sorry to say, Ethan and I don’t share.” I lean back, folding my arms across my chest. “Isn’t that right, brother?”
Stupid. Stupid. What is wrong with me?
Ethan’s posture is ridged, and I know I’ve gone too far now. My brother values loyalty above all else. He’s a lot like our father in that way, and I’m pissing him off.
I’m laughing and putting on a show, even though my insides have been filleted wide open. Of course Ethan’s mad, and of course Sybil doesn’t remember. She was a lot more inebriated than she usually gets, and I was wide awake. She clearly thought I was Ethan when she crawled on top of me.
I’m the one making this awkward, not them.
“Don’t worry. Nothing happened,” I assure her, though something kind of did. “I moved you to Ethan’s bed, though your subconscious clearly wanted to be in mine.”
Why am I still joking about this?
I need to stop, but I feel like I’m losing control, like I’m a runaway train and can’t stop myself from destroying everything in my path.
“Shut the fuck up,” Ethan growls, and I go still, letting his anger snap me out of it.
That’s fair. I would be a bull if she was my girl, and someone talked to her like this.
“God, I can’t believe I did that. I’m so sorry.” She’s apologizing to the both of us, and still that pretty shade of pink, which only makes her green eyes that much more beautiful.
I give my brother a cheeky smile, needing nothing more than to make light of this before I dig a hole I can’t get out of. “Need to keep your girl more satisfied, so she doesn’t crawl into my bed again, alright Ethan? Don’t blame me.”
Ridiculous. She moanedhisname, not mine.
He finally relaxes, throwing his napkin in my face. “Get your own girl, Cooper. This one’s mine.”
Don’t I know it.
