Page 21 of Collateral Damage
She sits and smiles. “Have a seat, Cooper.”
I have a feeling I’m about to get lectured, but at least it’s coming from her. Dad’s lectures are the absolute worst. They’re full of expectation and disappointment and long-suffering sighs accompanied by hard stares. At least Mom knows how to come from a space of understanding.
“Just say what you need to say.” I sigh, plopping onto the chair beside her. She takes my hand, squeezing, and we both watch the horizon instead of each other.
“I’m worried about you, and before you say anything, please hear me out.”
I nod. I’ve always respected my mom. She’s been the parent who’s really there for us—the one who actually cares about our emotional well-being and not just our social status. She’s the glue in our dysfunctional family.
“You’ve been drinking a lot, and you’ve had a lot of girls sleeping over. Every night this week. Don’t get mad, but I talked to your brother, and he says this behavior was standard for you at school last year, too.”
I pull my hand away. “I’m an adult.”
“You’re nineteen, Cooper. You shouldn’t be drinkingat allat nineteen, let alone in excess.”
“It’s college. It’s normal. I have good grades, don’t I?”
“You do, and I’m grateful for that, but that’s not the point. I want you to be safe and healthy and happy. Frankly, you’re not taking care of yourself, and you need to cut it out before you end up hurting yourself or someone else.”
Do I get where she’s coming from? Yes. Do I have any intention of changing my ways? No. At least not while Ethan and Sybil are together. Booze and women are the only coping mechanisms I’ve got.
“I’ll do better,” I say. Not a blatant lie.
It’ll be easier to focus when we’re busy with our internships and Sybil is busy with hers. As for college next year, I don’t anticipate things getting any better.
“Cooper, is there something you want to tell me?”
It would be so easy to confess, but I can’t. What can she do about it? All our parents are thrilled about Sybil and Ethan, and they’re not going to break up. So why reveal my secret? It would be mortifying.
“Nope.”
She studies my face, and I look right at her. She’s aged more in the last two years than she had in the previous decade. She looks so tired. Suddenly, I feel like an ass for just now noticing.
“Is there anything you want to tell me?” I try.
She smiles. “I’m good. I’m only being a mom, checking on my boys. It’s my job.”
“Yeah. Yeah.”
She sighs, as if she’s done, but then she stops herself. “You know, it’s okay to be sad when we don’t get the things we want. But you need to understand what is truly meant for us will never pass us by.”
“Okay…” I swear she can see right into my brain.
She pats my knee. “One day you’re going to meet your person, honey. I know it. Be patient and take care of yourself in the meantime, okay?”
My cheeks flame, and I nod.
She leaves me with those thoughts, and I stare at the sea as my headache slowly lifts away. Maybe she’s right, and I should be more careful, lay off the drinks, stop sleeping with women who I have no future interest in, but then what would I replace the distractions with? How would I numb myself?
Maybe that’s the point. Maybe I’m supposed to feel it all. I don’t know if I can put myself through that, to feel all the shit in my life and just be patient and hopeful that one day things willbe different. The fact remains, I don’t know how to be the person everyone wants me to be. I can’t change my circumstances, so how am I supposed to change me?
Ten
Sybil
Present - Age 27
I’ve never liked lawyers, and right now, in this stale conference room, Ireallydon’t like lawyers.
