Page 12 of Merrily Yours
We finished shopping, dropped everything off back at my parents’ house, and now we are on the way to Gabe’s for Margarita Monday, a tradition that started years ago and has become a part of our Bardot sibling culture. If any of us are together on a Monday night, we have to have margaritas and takeout.
“Babe, will you google if I can have wontons? And if I can’t, order them anyway—I don’t want Gabe to know he was right. Ihad them with El and she turned out fine.” She pauses, listening. “Thank you, love you!”
“Would it be so bad to admit Gabe is right sometimes?” I ask.
Her head slowly swings toward me. “Did you hear what you just said?”
I play it back in my head and then nod. “You’re right. He’s the most insufferable of the four of us. It’s bad enough that he gets to be Santa this year.”
By the time we get to Gabe’s apartment, Anders has discovered that crab wontons are safe to eat during pregnancy much to Bex’s relief. Ben joins us right as the food arrives, scrolling on his phone as he walks in.
“Did you know the apartment down the hall is available for rent?” he asks without looking up.
“Are you looking to move, brother?” Gabe lifts an eyebrow. Ben has been living and working in Boston for the last several years, with no real indication of leaving.
“I’ve thought about it,” Ben replies. He has always been a terrible liar—or maybe it’s our twin telepathy—so I can see right through his bullshit answer.
“Damn,” I say. “You’ve more than thought about it.”
He stares at me and I stare back, unblinking.
Out of my periphery I see Anders lean into Bex and whisper, “It always creeps me out when they do this.”
Ben breaks first, blinking and mumbling, “Dammit.” He rubs his eyes before continuing. “I really haven’t ‘more than thought about it.’” He air quotes. “I looked into the apartments because being here for Christmas makes me realize how much I miss you guys, okay?”
“Okay,” I reply at the same time Gabe says, “Aww.” Bex and Anders eye each other as Bex rubs her belly, communicating without saying a word.
“I know Boston is only an hour away, but I can’t drop in on you assholes whenever I feel like it and I get…” The sentence trails off. Ben looks up at the ceiling, blinking rapidly.
“Lonely,” Gabe finishes.
Ben’s throat clears several times. “Yeah… yeah.”
Bex circles the counter and pulls Ben in for a hug. Gabe and Anders quickly join. Ben’s head pops up, eyes still watery. “Bring it in, big guy.”
My steps are slow as I walk over and circle my arms around the outside of the group hug. I want my brother back in Sassafras, of course I do. He’s obviously unhappy in Boston, and the weight of his unhappiness is crushing, both for him and me.
There has to be something I can do.
Has to be a way I can help fix this for him.
But I can’t right now. All I can do is hug my siblings. Hold them together literally since I am unable to figuratively.
I vow right then and there to find a way to get Ben home.
Later that night I lie in bed, running through the options. I fall into a fitful sleep and dream about having a family of my own.
My own child and pregnant wife. My own family to build.
To take care of.
To love.
The morning comes entirely too soon.
“What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.” — Don Marquis
“Ben-o-it?”
