Page 73 of Entirely Yours
“I can get you some recommendations—Mom really pushed it for all of us and, with her job being what it is, she definitely will know who to connect you with,” he says.
Sighing, I roll over to face him. “It’s always been tooexpensive for me to even consider, though I have nothing against actually going.”
His gaze travels over my face, contemplating. “You won’t like this but I’m happy to help you pay for something. There’s a lot of transition going on right now, it could be helpful. There’s also so many online options nowadays that are more affordable.”
“I’ll look into it,” I promise. “But for now, I need to figure out what I’m going to tell Chloe.”
“Do you want me to be a part of that conversation?” he asks, and I know he won’t be offended either way.
Shaking my head, I answer, “No, I should be the one to do it. I don’t really talk about her dad often, and I know she’ll have more questions as she gets older.”
Jules is silent for a long time, mulling over his next words. I can always tell when he’s internally processing because his jaw begins to work and his stare gets even more intense than usual. My dad is the same way, so I’ve had years of practice waiting patiently while the men in my life figure out what to say. I busy myself by tracing the tattoos on Jules’ arm.
“You never told me what song this was,” I say, interrupting his silence.
He looks down at his arm. “It’sForever Youngby Bob Dylan. Dad used to sing it to us before bed every night.”
Wow, that is quite possibly the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. “Your family is something else, Julien Bardot.”
“They’re your family now too. This little guy is forever binding you to the chaos.” His hand comes to rest on my belly, and he smiles big enough that his eyes create little crinkles in the corners. “And Chloe, too. And Hank.” Jules’ tone turns more serious now. “I may not be Chloe’s dad, but I will always treat her the exact same way that I treat this baby. I promise she will never be made to feel any less than because she isn’t mine biologically.”
Am I crying? I think I’m definitely crying. Sobbing, actually. A broken “Thank you,” is all I manage to get out. Jules rubs myback, taking deep breaths that I eventually sync up to. With one more deep inhale, I say, “Okay, I really need to go talk to Chloe. We’ll come back to this.”
Jules plants a firm kiss on my forehead. “Whenever you’re ready, Rosie girl.”
After donning appropriate attire, and Jules bringing me a cup of coffee, I make my way to the living room where I find Chloe. Plopping down on the couch beside her, I say, “Hey, Chlo. Are you ready to talk?”
She pauses her show and then climbs into my lap. There’s less and less room there for her recently, which makes me miss the days we could really cuddle. “The baby in here is my brother?” she asks.
“Mhmm.” I push her morning hair out of her face so I can see her scrunched up little nose.
“And JuJu is my new daddy?” she continues.
“No, he’s not, baby,” I reply. She’s confused and this is hard to explain. I know we’ll probably have this conversation over and over again in the next several years. “Your dad and I met when Mama was younger. Sometimes people aren’t ready to be mommies or daddies, and he wasn’t ready.”
“But you were ready to be a mommy,” she states, matter of factly. “You are my favorite mommy. The best mommy!”
She gives me a big hug to punctuate that statement. I breathe her in, needing her freely given little-kid love. “Thank you, baby. I love being your mama, and I’m so glad that you are my Chloe. If you ever have any more questions, I am always here to answer them, okay?”
Chloe nods, snuggling even further onto my lap. “So why can’t JuJu be my new daddy?”
“I…” I don’t know how to answer that. “Maybe one day he can.” I cringe because I don’t want to get her hopes up, but Jules has made it abundantly clear that he views Chloe the same way he views the new baby.
She nods and then unpausesDoc McStuffins, her favoriteshow at the moment, and I guess that’s the end of the conversation. After a moment, Chloe begins explaining exactly what is happening on the TV, as if I can’t see it. “Chlo, I can see the show. You don’t have to give me a play-by-play.”
She looks up at me like I’m crazy. “I’m not talking to you, Mama. I’m talking to my brother! He can’t see the show, so I have to tell him what’s happening.”
Kid logic. I love it so much. “Carry on, then.”
We watch the entire rest of the show like that. When the credits start running, Chloe speaks just loud enough for me to hear her over the theme song. “I wish JuJu was my dad.”
I can’t help but wish for the exact same thing.
Week one of the reopened coffee shop has gone about as expected.
And by expected, I mean we broke seven mugs, way under-ordered coffee beans, and the light in the storage room keeps flickering.
I’m grateful that Bex and Anders were able to extend their trip a bit because I’ve needed their help while Mom and Dad watch the girls.
