Page 74 of Entirely Yours
“Behind!” Bex calls to the completely oblivious Gabe who turns around instead of getting out of the way. The tray Bex was carrying flips out of her hand, landing with a loud crash on the tile floor.
Make that nine broken mugs.
“Gabe, what the fuck?” Bex looks pissed, and I can’t blame her. Gabe’s head has not been in the game lately, despite his insistence that he’s fine, and it’s driving all of us crazy. “I think that’s my cue,” she says, bending down to cleanthe mess. Bex is working a few hours a day much to all of our annoyance—the woman had a baby a month ago, she should be resting. But she insists she’s fine and wants to “feel like a normal person every once in a while.” Her words, not mine.
After what feels like the longest day yet, we finally lock up later that night, each one of us more exhausted than the next. We’ve been trying to rotate who does cleaning and prep for the next day so at least we can get some sleep, and tonight it’s Anders and me on duty. Gabe and Ben get their things and file out, looking guilty for not staying.
“Go!” Anders shoos. “We’ll be fine!”
We wipe down tables, sweep the floor, and restock ingredients, all in comfortable silence. Anders hums quietly to himself and sometimes I’ll join in. It’s nice to have another musical person around. Eventually Anders breaks the silence.
“How are you feeling about becoming a dad?” he asks.
“Fucking terrified.”
He lets out a hearty laugh. “I would be more worried if you were feeling super confident. It’s scary business keeping tiny humans alive.”
“I get a small glimpse of that with Chloe, but she’s the most self-sufficient kid I know.”
Anders nods. “Yeah, El seemed so much bigger once we brought Molly home, but she’s still only two. I’m more and more amazed by your parents every day. Four of you by the time Gabe was four—it’s insane.”
“Absolutely insane,” I agree with a smile. “Any advice you want to pass along? You’ve supported Bex through two pregnancies and births. What have you learned along the way?”
He stops mopping and rests his chin on the top of the handle. “Hmmm. Well in pregnancy and early postpartum in particular, you are useless. It can feel like the baby only needs her, so the best thing for you to do would be to make sure she has everything she needs. I’m sure you already do that,” he adds.
“I’m trying. I read the weekly updates on the What to Expectapp. I cook protein rich meals for her. I’m trying to be aware of her needs, it just—it doesn’t feel like enough sometimes.”
Anders shakes his head. “Don’t tell anyone I said this, especially not Gabe, but of all of the Bardot brothers this could have happened to… c’mon man, you were made to be a dad. A partner.” He pauses for a moment. “And Thea… she’s great. She’s already a mom, a good one at that. She’s been dealt a shitty hand, but now she has you. And all of us.”
I pause considering what Anders is saying. “What if I fuck it up?”
“You might,” he replies. “The two most important words you can say to anyone are ‘I’m sorry.’ You fuck up? You apologize. To Thea. To your kid. I don’t think I ever heard my dad apologize to anyone. Now I make it my mission to be quick to apologize. It’s the best way to show someone that you care.”
“Yeah, I can do that.” I’m saying it to reassure myself more than anyone.
“I’m telling you, Jules, when that baby is born, nothing else in the world is going to matter. I used to live feeling like I had to prove myself to everyone around me. Prove that I was good enough, talented enough. Now? I live to hear the sound of Elodie’s laugh. I live to see Bex rocking Molly as she falls asleep on her chest. Those are the things that matter, none of the other shit.”
I think about his words as we finish the last few tasks. When it’s time to leave, I stop Anders, sticking out my hand for a handshake. He grabs it, pulling me into a big bear hug. “You’re going to be a great dad, Jules,” he says, clapping my shoulder when he finally releases me.
I nod and head toward my car. I stop before getting in and call out, “Hey, Anders. You’re already a great dad. Thanks for all your help this week.”
He gives me a salute and then he’s off, headed back toward a family that loves him.
Maybe I can get there soon, too.
I run by Louie’s on the way home to grab a bite to take home with me. Louie waves at me when I walk in and gestures for me to have a seat at the bar while he finishes up with a customer. While I’m waiting, I take a look around. Louie’s hasn’t changed much in the many years I’ve been coming here. There’s nostalgia within these walls for thousands of people who have created memories here. I hope one day Bardot Brothers Coffee Co. feels just as nostalgic for anyone who visits.
Louie meanders over, pouring me a beer before I even ask for it. “You need something to eat?” he guesses. When I nod, he continues, “I heard the opening has been a success. When I’ve stopped by for my morning coffee, it sure has been packed.”
“It’s been good,” I smile. “It’s no Louie’s, though.”
He waves his dish rag around. “This old place? Falling apart.” He winks. “Just like I like it.”
I order a burger to go—Thea has finally allowed beef back in the house—checking to make sure next week’s food order for the coffee shop has been placed while I wait.
When Louie drops a greasy paper bag in front of me, I get some cash out to pay so I can leave. I’m ready to get back to Thea. Louie’s next words, however, stop me in my tracks. “I heard the apartment is ready. When’s Thea moving back in?”
“The—what? I…” I stammer like a fool.
