Page 46 of The Viscount's Daring Cinderella
“I certainly can,” Louise quickly answered, looking pointedly at Mattie.
Not to be outdone, Mattie replied, “So can I.”
Beryl breathed a sigh of relief. Rivalry had reared its head so things were back to normal. “Now it is time for your lessons.”
The rest of the day passed uneventfully. Beryl had already packed the few items that she would take with her, and she had an early night. When she cried into her pillow, there was no one to hear her. She was alone in her anguish. Beryl awoke quite early feeling a bit apprehensive about her day ahead. She got up from bed and peered through the curtains, but it was still quite dark. Even the birds were quiet at this time of the morning. The flowers and grass were covered with morning dew. There was a gentle morning breeze, and Beryl felt the promise of a new beginning.
She had a long journey ahead so she had arranged for the carriage to be early. She had rented a carriage because she could afford to, based on the generous salary that Theodore had paid her. She did not use one from Bowden Park because she wanted to ensure her privacy for the time she would be away. She had to ask Theodore for permission to leave for the week, but as far as she was concerned, he did not need to know where she was going.
She quietly descended the stairs and went into the waiting carriage. The carriage rolled down the cobble driveway, and she moved the curtain to peer through the window. She watched as Bowden Park faded into the distance. Theodore had gone for his morning ride, and Beryl had timed everything perfectly. By the time he returned, she would be long gone, and she had left no note to say where she was going. She had gone to the children’s room and kissed them both on the cheek while they slept.
Beryl unfolded the letter she received from Flora and read it once more. She was grateful to have such a dear friend. Thoughts of Theodore invaded her mind, but she pushed them aside. She knew that it was impossible for them.
Theodore returnedfrom his morning ride feeling irritable and restless. He thought a ride was what he needed when he called for his horse. He headed for the lake as he thought about Beryl’s reaction to his proposal and the fact that she had avoided him ever since. The ride was supposed to help him think clearly, but he could not. When he arrived at the lake, he jumped from his horse and left him to graze. Theodore stood at the water’s edge where it was quiet and peaceful. The only thing that intruded on his thoughts was Beryl. This was their place. He had only shared it with her and, somehow, that made it special.
He tried earnestly to get her to be his mistress. He bedded her and offered her a home and servants. She recoiled as if he had struck her. He recalled the anguish in her eyes when she read the deed and understood what he was asking. Theodore was not overly sentimental, but his heart clenched when he saw her pain. Immediately, he wished that he could take the words back, but rather foolishly his pride stood in the way. It was his bloody ego that led him to this point.
Finally, he could understand what his father felt for his mother because he could say with certainty that they loved each other. His father was kind and giving. There was so much about him that had changed since Beryl came into his life, and he knew that although he had grown, there was still more to be done. This was only the beginning. Yet, if she had such an effect on him in such a short time, imagine what she would do as his wife.
Theodore enjoyed being in Beryl’s bed, and the nights that they shared were pure bliss. She enjoyed being with him too, and she could not hide her passion that shimmered under the surface. He only had to look at her with intent or give her a slight touch and it would all come to the fore. He wanted all of that to continue, but did he want more? For once he was not thinking with his cock. He was thinking straight and this is with what he was faced. Beryl wanted marriage, but he had always thought it was never for him. He was torn and conflicted. How could he want to keep her close, to satisfy his every desire, but be unwilling to commit to her and give her his heart?
He was afraid. What if he was trying to be something that he was not? He was never a hypocrite. On one hand, being a rolling stone and living a life of debauchery was the life he understood well; on the other, the role of viscount and heir was something that he was trying to learn. He felt caught in the middle of two worlds. He did not know if he would make a success of the viscountcy, let alone being a husband. What if he committed to Beryl and they lived in harmony for a while only for him to fall back to his old ways? He was happy with what he truly knew and terrified of the unknown. If he failed, he would ruin everything, including his future family life and there would be no going back. Theodore’s stomach churned.
He ran his hand through his hair in frustration. He was undecided and he did not think the answer would come to him today. He needed more time to think about it. It was not an easy decision, and he did not want to rush and muck it up. He wished William was here. They could have talked about it although William made it look all too easy.
His ride did not have the desired effect. It had done him no good, well not in the way that he wanted. He was just as confused as when he set out this morning. Theodore walked away from the water’s edge and at that moment he had anunsettled feeling. He could not quite put his finger on it, and he dismissed it as the jitters. Perhaps he was just overly tired. He gathered the horse’s reins, mounted, and headed back to the house. He had work to do.
After he returned, Theodore had breakfast and returned to the library. He had to review a few agreements with his tenants and discuss the season’s crops yield with his steward. He tried to concentrate, but his thoughts remained unsettled. He stood up from his desk and poured a glass of wine, then sat in the armchair by the window comfortably sipping his drink. At that very moment there was a knock on the door. It was a soft knock so he knew it was the children.
“Come in.”
Louise and Mattie entered, and Theodore gave them a welcoming smile. They occasionally came to see him in the library and when they did, he made time for them. It was all because of Beryl. He would never have thought to do that before. He was selfish and his first and last thoughts were about himself.
“Good morning, Uncle,” they said in unison.
“Good morning, Miss Louise and Miss Mattie.”
They did not giggle as they usually did when he referred to them as ‘Miss.’
Theodore stepped away from the window, and it was only when he was close to the girls that he saw Mattie’s tear-streaked face. His heart began to pound. “What is it?”
“Lady Beryl is not here,” Louise said. Her sad eyes bore into him.
Theodore lifted a brow. “You did not have breakfast with her this morning?”
“No, Uncle,” Louise replied.
Mattie was twisting her arms, and she finally blurted out. “Lady Beryl said she would be gone for a week, but I did not want her to go.”
“Why did she leave, Uncle?” Louise asked.
Theodore remembered that Beryl had mentioned having a week off, but he did not realize that the time had come around so soon, and she did not say where she would be.
“Lady Beryl had some personal matters to attend to. Do not worry, girls. She will be back just like she told you.” Theodore wondered if he was trying to convince the girls or himself. “Go to the tutor room and practice your letters. I will ask your nurse to sit with you.”
The girls turned and started walking toward the door. It was Mattie who turned around to face him.
“Everybody leaves … mother, father and now Lady Beryl. I do hope she returns though.”
