Page 48 of The Viscount's Daring Cinderella
“Well, someone has to and I am afraid you are stuck with me. Lady Beryl appears to be a woman of good character. From everything you have told me she has had a positive influence, not only on you, but also Louise and Mattie.”
“That is so.”
“You are happy when you are with her. You are just opposed to marriage.”
“Yes, but with good reason. You know me better than anyone, and you have only just recently stopped offering me counsel on my responsibilities.”
“And that is because I no longer feel it is necessary. You are no longer that man.”
“You speak with confidence, Uncle, but I am not so certain.”
“What is it that you fear?”
It took a moment for Theodore to push the word past his throat. “Failure. I do not know if I can live up to the expectations of being a good husband. My life has been the furthest away from this.”
“You mistake the matter because you are focusing on the wrong thing.”
“Which is?”
“It was only after Lady Beryl came into your life and made you look at the man you were that you started to change. Would you not agree?”
“That is a fair assessment.”
“Then why do you find it so hard to believe that with her by your side you can continue to strive to be a better man? You arehappy now and you can sustain it. The pleasure you get from your debaucherous behavior will lose its appeal. After you have known this life, the one as a rogue will never be the same.”
“There is some truth in that. The last party Moreland invited me to resulted in a hasty departure. I wanted to be at home with Beryl and the girls.”
His uncle chuckled and gave him an approving nod. “I am going to tell you a story you may find difficult to believe. Your father was my best friend, who married my sister. You see your father as someone who was hard to live up to, but he was not always that way.”
“What are you saying?”
“You are more like your father than you realize.”
“My father and debauchery in the same sentence. Incredible.”
“Yet, it is true. He was wild and roguish until he met your mother. That was when he matured into manhood, became reliable and emotionally responsible. He remained that way until death. The future became important to him.”
“Hmm.”
“You demonstrate that your future is important when you can set long-term goals and have aspirations. You take responsibility by recognizing your actions, mistakes, and choices whether right or wrong, young man. You must live with the consequences, and you cannot blame others for your choices.”
“Don’t I know it.”
“You came to me for advice, and the fact that you are not acting like the usual know-it-all says something. You need to think about the kind of man you want to be, the values and morals you want to hold dear. What is it that you really want?”
“I have to decide and I cannot be afraid about making this decision.”
“That is correct. Once you know what you want for your future, you will not be afraid.”
“I love Beryl. Her absence has made this clear to me. I do not want to lose her. I suspect I have not yet morphed into everything that I could be. With her by my side, I can continue to grow and be a better person. I want her back, and I need to know how to convince her that I am worthy.” Theodore ran his hand through his hair and blew out a slow audible breath. “I need to sleep on it.”
“You do that. I will caution you that once you have decided, whatever you say is what you should mean. Integrity, young man, I cannot underscore the importance of it.”
Theodore inhaled and slowly released his breath. “Thank you, Uncle. I have just figured out how I will find her.”
“Anytime, young man.”
Theodore left his uncle’s estate and headed straight for London. He felt himself to be undeserving. He did not know why he was denying himself happiness. He was not the same man whom Beryl met by the lake on the first day. He was never groomed to be the heir apparent, but slowly he grew to accept the role and the responsibility. He was more gutted by William’s loss than he cared to admit, yet he managed to find a kind of joy caring for the girls. It was time for him to believe in himself.
