Page 50 of The Viscount's Daring Cinderella
“Please give me a moment,” Theodore inhaled a pained breath. He had not been resting well, had not eaten, and he rode with haste to get to Lady Flora as soon as possible.
Lady Flora blushed. “I forgot my manners. Would you like something to drink?”
“A bourbon, thank you.”
Lady Flora poured and handed him the drink.
“I can see that you are genuinely distressed.”
“I am distressed. I love Lady Beryl. I want to apologize to her and ask her to marry me if she will have me. So, you see, I need to know where she is so that I can ask.”
There was silence. “Lady Flora?” Theodore sighed.
She did not appear convinced. “Lady Beryl has gone through so much.”
Theodore took a sip of bourbon. “She has and I am ashamed to say that I know of her pain.”
“Well, do you not think she deserves better than the hand that was dealt her?”
“Absolutely.” Theodore could not argue with that. “You may not know, but I am a different man from the one I was when I first met Lady Beryl. Please,” he pleaded with Lady Flora.
“Very well. Lady Beryl has gone to my country estate Basildon.”
Theodore immediately stood and held Flora’s gaze. “She has a friend in you, indeed. Thank you. I must make my way to her straight away.”
CHAPTER 20
Theodore left London and he had to spend a night on the road. He had a late dinner and retired to his room. He settled himself comfortably into the Grand Windsor Inn, and there were a few things he knew for a fact. He needed time to think about what he was going to say to Beryl. Fact. He would remain in Basildon until Beryl agreed to marry him. Fact. Theodore would not go home to Bowden Park without Beryl. Fact.
He knew where she was, and he should have been able to immediately seek her out, but he did not. Theodore realized he only had one chance to put things right, and he did not want to cock it up. He had to think carefully about how he would approach her for that matter. He thought of going directly to Basildon Estate, but he dismissed it. Theodore’s eyes grew heavy, and he decided to think about it more in the morning when he was not so tired.
Theodore languished between being asleep and awake. He sent a letter to Basildon Estate, but Beryl did not wish to see him. She outright refused. She had insulted him by returning his letter, but he would not throw in the towel. He barged his wayinto the house and he saw her. For a moment, they both stood frozen in time. He was gripped by excitement and fear. Beryl spun around and broke into a run. Theodore gave chase yet try as he might he could not catch up with her. Somehow, he knew that if he did not hold on to her this time, he would lose her for good. Theodore started running faster and faster. He could hear his heart pounding as loudly as his boots pounded on the wood floor. At one point he thought he was catching up with her. Breathless, he exerted all his energy on the final push. There was hot burning in his lungs, and he ran as hard as he possibly could. Close, so close. He reached out his hand, but at the last minute he stumbled, and just then she moved further away and disappeared.
Theodore came awake with a start. His heart was beating rapidly as if he had indeed been running to catch up with her. He felt fear and he put it down to his overactive imagination. Yet, he wondered. Theodore was keen to decipher his dream. He believed dreams were actually an illusion of real life and sometimes it was a sort of spiritual connection. Perhaps it represented his feelings of vulnerability, and the fact that he was judging himself harshly. He did not want to feel powerless. He knew exactly what he would do.
The following morning, Theodore awoke at dawn and went to the stable. He retrieved his horse, and it was prepared for him to go riding. This was not just a routine morning. He rode through the woodlands with purpose, perhaps at a speed some would call reckless. His eyes were gritty from lack of sleep. He did not care. He just wanted to get there. As he approached, he dismounted his horse, and led him by the reins. He walked through the trees and tethered his horse where it could graze.
Theodore’s heart was beating wildly in his chest when he saw her. The tension in the pit of his stomach flowed through the rest of his body. He closed his eyes with relief and whenhe opened them, she was still there. Beryl stood at the water’s edge throwing pebbles in the lake. She had never looked more beautiful to Theodore. He had finally come to his senses and chosen her, and he wanted her to give him a chance to show how much he loved and cared for her. He did not want her to regret the day she ever set eyes on him.
Theodore urged his horse forward at the same moment Beryl turned around, and he saw the color drain from her face. His heart gave a thump as it was as though he came alive for the first time since that fateful day in his library. He was enshrouded in gray and gloom and it had all lifted. He missed her in a way that it was difficult to express, yet the intense joy at seeing her frightened him. A small smile lifted his mouth.
“Beryl–”
“Why are you here? Have you not done enough? Could I not have a week in peace?”
“I had to see you, Beryl. Please hear me out. For the first time in my life, I know what it was like to love a woman. When you left and I could not hear your tinkling laughter and chatter, feel your kindness and compassion, I was lost. Nothing was the same. I was not brave enough when we first met to admit that I was a broken man. I–”
“Theodore–”
He rushed forward. “Please, let me finish.” He drew in a deep breath, and his hands trembled with all his pent-up emotions. “You were the one who made me realize that I had not dealt with my brother’s grief. I could only see the restrictions placed on William to groom him to become an heir, and I knew that I did not want that life. While it was understandable when he was alive, it was inexcusable when he died because I should have considered the estate and my nieces. Because of you, I came to realize there was more to life than my pursuits, and I became a better man. You saw it. I did not seek to travel, took a moreactive role in the estate, and I made time to spend with my nieces.”
“Yes. You have changed, Theodore, and I am pleased to see that you have grown. Your nieces need you.” Beryl said she was pleased, but she did not sound particularly interested.
Theodore ran his hand through his hair. “My journey was not complete, Beryl. Even in my evolution there is a part of me that felt I needed to hold on to my past life. In that life, I was free of responsibility and commitment. I never saw myself as a husband.”
Hands on her hips, Beryl gave him a withering glance. “You did not see yourself as a husband so you thought I could only be your mistress? Is that it?”
Theodore shifted his weight from one foot to the other, but he dared not step closer. “I have played that day in the library over and over in my head. I can safely tell you with certainty that my mind was roiling with my reaction, and I needed time and space to decipher my conflicted feelings. I was revulsed and ashamed of my actions.”
