Page 39 of The Earl's Heiress
“I’m afraid she is not here. You’ve hurt her badly, and she wanted to be alone for a while. She wished to be left alone, and I will not tell you where she is.”
It wasn’t very often that Temple was left speechless. He couldn’t accept the dull ache of foreboding. He had thought about several scenarios and everything he would say to her, but he never considered the possibility that she wouldn’t be here. Hehad to find a way. He needed to tell her that he was emotionally connected to her and that he wanted her in his life.
Arabella wasat her father’s hunting lodge. She felt bereft and desolate. In her family, she usually found an unwavering solidarity that helped her camouflage the deep despair of loneliness, but not on this occasion. She had escaped the house to avoid seeing her parents' disappointing glances. Her parents wanted her to return, but she refused. She had crushed their dream for her, and it had taken her time to realize she wanted it, too. She wanted to be Temple’s wife. The sobs in her pillow had punctuated the harrowing journey across the ocean. One would never describe her as a delicate rose, but frequent bouts of crying made her feel like one. She felt an acute sense of loss. When she decided to leave, she no longer felt safe knowing Temple cared for her. She didn’t feel secure. She didn’t know what to expect when she left, and now her heart was shattered. He hadn’t written to her. Perhaps he hadn’t noticed she was gone. She placed her hand over her face convulsively, and her throat ached with defeat.
A stroll around the garden was usually comforting, yet today, it held no joy. Her misery was so complete that it was like a physical pain. She ached deep down inside, and she wondered if it would ever go away. When she was in England, she longed to return to her family, but when she finally arrived, she didn’t feel the joy she anticipated. Being at the hunting lodge had kept her isolated from everyone, and she hoped to find some peace. So far, it wasn’t working.
A wry smile twisted her lips as she mused. She had always wanted a husband to love and one who would love her back.She knew Temple would marry her for her dowry from the outset, yet she didn’t guard her heart. She knew exactly what the circumstances were, so she convinced herself that she would not fall for him. Call it what you may, a fall, a slip, a stumble, she had ended up there with devastating consequences. Sometimes, she was angry with herself for falling in love with him. Her heart had never been broken, and now she realized it would not be easy to heal. She felt a wretchedness of mind she had never felt before and it was her fault because she had broken her own rule. Clouds had quickly blotted out the sun, and rain, like a small mist, fell on her upturned face. Arabella quickly walked back to the house, and the butler greeted her as soon as she entered.
“There is a letter for you, Miss Arabella.”
“Thank you.” She went to her room and closed the door behind her before she broke the seal.
Dearest Arabella,
We miss you dearly and hope you’ll return home soon. I have some news and I don’t know how you will feel when you hear it. Today, there was a commotion at the main entrance, and I rushed out when I heard a voice calling for you. I opened the door to find none other than Lord Stanford. Yes! Lord Stanford it here in America. He demanded to see you and said he would not leave until he did. The poor man thought you were hiding away at the house. He was quite dispirited when he realized you were not here. I didn’t tell him where you were in keeping with your wishes. Mama and Papa were not home, and Lord Stanford insisted he would return. They will not have my resolve and will be thrilled that he has come after you. So, you should prepare yourself, dear sister. You may be seeing Lord Stanford soon.
Yours truly,
Winnie
Arabella’s hands were trembling, and she fought to hold the letter still as she read it for the second time. Temple was here, but she would not rush to see him. Let him wait. As a matter of fact, she didn’t know if she wanted to see him at all. It would not end well when she tells him she will not return. It isn’t enough to love someone. They must also love you in very much the same way that you love them. Otherwise, it will inevitably not work, and one’s heart will be broken. Although, it’s easier to heal a broken heart than to heal a broken soul. She would not allow her soul to be shattered.
CHAPTER 20
When Arabella left, Temple felt an extraordinary void. At first, he thought it was purely because his wife should be at his side, but as time went on, he realized it was so much more. How desperately he needed her. Restoring his estate to its former glory would mean nothing if she was not by his side to share it with him. He missed her dreadfully and counted the days at sea. He felt the nauseated sinking of despair when he arrived at the Anderson’s home and she wasn’t there.
A stab of guilt lay buried in his chest for the way that he treated her. He would ensure it never happened again if she gave him the chance.
Temple sat across from Mr. and Mrs. Anderson in the drawing room. He was pleased they were not part of a conspiracy to keep him away from Arabella. They couldn’t hide their genuine relief that he had come to take her home.
“My daughter is very stubborn, Lord Stanford. It will not be easy to convince her to return with you.”
“I’m beginning to realize that.”
“Winnie sent her a letter and we were hoping she would return, yet she hasn’t.”
“I’ve thought of nothing else while I awaited your return. I wouldn’t want to force her to go back to England. She should return of her own free will. It will be up to me to convince her that I need her, I know that I do. I invalidated her feelings; this is my chance to tell her they matter.”
“What did you have in mind?”
“Arabella knows that you’re disappointed she came home. I think you should be the one to write to her and encourage her to come home. I have already started preparations for a ball under the auspices of Mr. and Mrs. Harland. You will attend the ball, and I will have a chance to speak with her.”
“That is a splendid idea.”
“Winnie has written to Arabella, so she knows I’m here. I would prefer if you did not say that I’m the patron for the ball because she may not attend.”
“I agree.”
“I’m pleased that is settled. I have had some interesting discussions with the Harlands about investments in steel and the railroad.”
Temple and the Vanderbilts engaged in conversation, but Temple couldn’t concentrate. His mind kept going back to Arabella. He could never have known that he would have such intense changes in his emotions and his attention. Everything else seemed to fade in comparison. He had worked hard to cultivate his independence, but somehow it didn’t seem as important now. He just wanted to be with Arabella; she needed to come home. The very same love that he thought wasn’t necessary for marriage had arrested his heart and made it hard to believe that anything else exists, and he supposed, in some ways, love is all that exists. Without it there is too much emptiness.
Love is desirable … and essential. He was riddled with guilt when his father passed away. There was hurt and pain in theharsh words that they exchanged, and he could never take them back. For a long time, he was angry with himself. He felt the need to shoulder the blame although he didn’t pull the trigger. He may as well have because he hated himself, and this prevented him from loving anyone else. His obsession with making the estate productive was an effort to prove to his father that he was worthy, although the man was no longer here. Then he understood. He had to learn to love himself again before he could love Arabella. He was embracing his emotions, and he hoped that she loved him.
Her family wanted to be elevated into the highest echelon of American society, and he couldn’t think of a better way to accomplish this. A ball under his patronage would serve them well, and Arabella would know that he did it for her, a small token in honor of his love. It was a start on the journey to truly commit to her.
Two weeks later
