Page 33 of Circle of Strangers
I used to be the puppet master of our perfect little life, in control of each and every aspect.
Now? It’s as if someone is cutting the strings one by one.
I need to get us back on course, whatever it takes.
20
Will’s bathing the kids after dinner when I dodge out to grab the mail since it’s been a minute. I suppose I’ve been avoiding it. Something tells me there’s another Lucinda letter waiting for me.
Sure enough, I’m not wrong.
I open it the second I’m back inside. No sense in waiting.
This time, there’s a photo included.
My Gabrielle—
I was clearing out some old storage bins when I came across your favorite childhood blanket—the one the nice lady from the Methodist church gave you when you were just a baby. You used to never let this out of your sight. It was the cutest thing. I used to wrap you up and rock you for hours. I miss the way you felt in my arms. I tried holding this blanket, but it wasn’t the same. What I wouldn’t give for another chance to hold you again. Motherhood is so fleeting and no one prepares you for the day your child says goodbye.
Heat flashes through me, though it dissipates quickly—as it always does. Feelings, even the primal ones, never last that long.
I’d almost forgotten about that blanket altogether, the ugly yellow and green chunky knit number that was laced with holes so big I couldstick my fist through them. It barely kept me warm but sometimes it was all I had. Oftentimes, when money was tight, Lucinda would turn the thermostat down, dress herself in multiple layers, toss me the blanket, and tell me I had to “earn the rest of my warmth.”
It was a game to her.
A game I could never win.
No matter what I did, it was never enough to earn warmth of any kind.
21
“Can’t help but notice you’ve been spending a lot of time with Mara lately.” The words come out of Sozi’s mouth like a casual observation, but they’re tinged with an undercurrent of something far less casual—jealousy.
“Ah, you noticed?” I ask.
The idea of Sozi standing on her second floor, peering out from behind a curtain, watching the neighborhood, creeps me out. Then again, she’s mentioned many times how bored she is. It might be one of the most exciting parts of her day.
She shrugs, ponytail bouncing as we continue down the street. “Just in passing a couple of times.”
“Mara’s definitely interesting,” I say. “Like you said. After everything you shared, I’ve decided I need to keep an eye on her.”
“So you’re being strategic.”
“Something like that.”
“Good. I think that’s smart of you.”
We walk in silence for a beat, the only sound the rhythm of our sneakers hitting the pavement—the usual soundtrack of our morning jaunts. I wait for her to say more, but the moment stretches just long enough to feel ... strange.
“You’re more than welcome to join us,” I offer. “I was just under the impression you didn’t like her.”
“I like everyone,” Sozi says. “I don’t have anything against Mara. I just don’t trust her around taken men is all.”
I bite back a smile, pretending to be interested in the row of lavender bushes lining the sidewalk before shifting the conversation and nudging it toward safer ground.
“How’s Austin? And Ezra?” I ask.
Sozi sighs, adjusting her pace to match mine. “Austin’s the same. Work, golf, rinse, repeat.”
