Page 13 of Through the Dark Night
“I don’t know if I’m brave enough.”
Five
Shannon stood in front of the church, looking up at the large, white building. The views of the lake were magnificent even from the parking lot—she could only imagine what it would look like inside.
That morning, she’d woken up with an inexplicable urge to attend church. She’d done so regularly as a child and as a new, married wife, even when her husband had been too busy. Finally, with his job as a lawyer, she no longer even asked if he wanted to go. She’d gone by herself for years with the kids, and then somehow when Emma left for college, she quit. It hadn’t been something she’d deliberately chosen to do, she just hadn’t gotten up to go anymore. But this morning, she felt a longing like she hadn’t had in years to step inside the familiar walls, sing the familiar hymns, feel the peace and serenity that always washed over her when she stepped into the Lord’s house.
She also longed to be challenged from God’s word. She had been a regular Bible reader for years, but that had fallen by the wayside too.
Perhaps her husband’s betrayal and the divorce wouldn’t have been quite so hard if she had been closer to the Lord through it all.
Still, she stood at the entrance, feeling a little insecure. Going to church was something she had always loved to do, but stepping footinto a new church, or at least one that she hadn’t been to in almost two decades, was intimidating.
She noticed a couple getting out of their car, and she stepped aside, as though staring at the lake, admiring the view. Like that was the reason she hadn’t walked into the building.
To her amazement, instead of walking around her, the couple walked right up to her and stopped.
“Hello, I’m Homer Aiken, this is my wife, Skyler. I don’t think we’ve seen you around here lately?” His tone was polite, his words gentle.
Shannon immediately felt at ease.
She put her hand in his and shook it, and then shook Skyler’s hand. “I’m back after a long time. I think I remember you, Homer. You live right next to the healing garden now. There used to be a gazebo there, and brambles and scrub brush, when I was growing up.”
“I think the gazebo might have been before my time,” Homer said, and there was a smile on his face and humor in his voice, which brought a smile to Shannon’s face as well.
“Probably. I do think you’re closer to my children’s age, although slightly older than they are.”
“I vaguely remember. You had two girls and a boy. And then… There was that tragedy.” His voice trailed off, and Shannon nodded.
“That’s correct. We moved away right after that, and I haven’t been back. But I woke up this morning with a longing to go to church. It’s just…” She let her voice trail off, unable to put into words how intimidating it was to walk into a new church not knowing anyone very well.
Skyler seemed to understand immediately. “Church can be so overwhelming. Everyone knows everyone else, and it’s like a big family. That can feel a little exclusive to someone who is stepping in for the first time in a long time. I’d love it if you’d sit with us.”
Shannon looked down at the little girl who held Skyler’s hand and then at the baby in Homer’s arms. Such a sweet family. Full of hopes and dreams the way she had been with her little ones. Although, most of the time her husband hadn’t been with her. She appreciated their hopeful expressions and felt like maybe she would be intruding since herfamily had blown up so badly. But they didn’t know that. Not yet anyway, although it was a small town and soon they would.
Still, she appreciated Skyler reaching out and extending the invitation to make her feel welcome.
“I’d love it if that would be okay.”
“As long as you don’t mind that the little ones are going to be with us. Usually there’s a nursery, but there’s a special speaker today, and in order that everyone can hear, they’ve canceled the nursery and junior church.”
“Oh, I don’t mind at all,” she said, looking down into the big blue eyes of the little girl beside her.
“This is Saylor,” Skyler said, pulling her hand away from where Homer had held it and slipping it into the crook of Shannon’s elbow. “Trust me, when I first came here, I knew no one, and it was very intimidating. At least you’ve lived here at one time. And kind of know what to expect.”
“You were from a big city?” Shannon asked as Skyler gently led her into the building.
“Yes, Chicago. It was definitely an adjustment coming here. Intimidating, too, since I didn’t know anyone. But people were wonderful and so welcoming. That was a few years ago, and things haven’t changed. In fact, if anything, we’ve had a rash of second chances here lately. Perhaps you’re next.”
“Perhaps,” Shannon said, but inside she was laughing hysterically. There wasn’t a chance that she was next. She was just running. Running from her life and coming here. Although… It felt like coming home. She really didn’t know what she wanted, what she felt. She just knew she needed to be in church.
Skyler guided her to a seat and sat down beside her with Saylor on her lap.
Saylor seemed to be charmed by Shannon, who had always been rather good with children if she did say so herself. She’d volunteered in the church nursery and taught the preschool class at Bible school and for Sunday school for years. But as her children grew and she had more responsibilities during their high school years, she handed those responsibilities in the church over to other people, which made it easierfor her to leave, since no one was going to miss her and she didn’t have to find anyone to cover for her.
Maybe it was good to stay involved. It kept a person accountable.
Regardless, she stood, singing the familiar hymns, barely needing the hymnbook. When one had grown up singing all the verses of hymns all her life, a person had a tendency to memorize, and Shannon was gratified to note that the hymns came easily to her lips. She loved that they sang them with the piano and hadn’t gone the way of a lot of larger, big-city churches where there was a band on the stage and songs that she didn’t know coming from the speakers.
